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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

314 replies

arcticpandas · 19/12/2025 20:27

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 19/12/2025 20:29

I think I’d be tempted to have a family Christmas at home if she’s not budging.

Sirzy · 19/12/2025 20:30

If he has shingles then surely a quiet Christmas at home for you all makes sense?

BettysRoasties · 19/12/2025 20:30

Personally I think you should all stay home if she is banning one child.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 19/12/2025 20:30

Why woukd you dh split up his family to suit his mum????? He should be staying with you and ds! Bet if that was happening she'd change her mind.

ThatHappyBlueCritic · 19/12/2025 20:31

I would definitely all be staying home at Christmas so your son doesn’t miss out!

FoxFeatures · 19/12/2025 20:31

Why don’t you all stay at home together? Based on her issues with transmission, your DH and other DC could be asymptomatic and riddled! 😉

KimuraTan · 19/12/2025 20:33

Your Mil is entitled to feel as she does - shingles is awful. You should respect her wishes. Let your husband visit his Mum and stay at home if you can.

cadburyegg · 19/12/2025 20:34

You should all stay at home

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 19/12/2025 20:34

Your DH should stay home with you

Bigearringsbigsmile · 19/12/2025 20:34

Why is dh going? You all need to stay at hone!

Diarygirlqueen · 19/12/2025 20:34

Why would your husband be leaving you and his son on Xmas day? I'm more shocked with that.

honeyfox · 19/12/2025 20:34

If she's already had them she could have them again, and blame your son (if the timing is that unfortunate).

Alpinette · 19/12/2025 20:35

The only time I had shingles was after the only prolonged contact I’ve had with someone with it. If it’s not contagious that’s a one in a million coincidence! Shingles isn’t fun for any age but if you’re older it can be extremely hard to get rid of and last for ages. I really don’t believe the ‘not contagious’ view at all. I don’t blame her.

Maybeitllneverhappen · 19/12/2025 20:37

Surely if she thinks it's contagious, she doesn't want any of your family visiting as they could be incubating it and pass it on anyway?

shiningstar2 · 19/12/2025 20:37

You can get shingles even if you've had chicken pox. I have had the shingles jab to protect me, even though I had chicken pox as a child. I know olde people who have had shingles even though they have had chicken pox and it is extremely painful.

yeesh · 19/12/2025 20:37

No way would I split up the family, total madness. If she wants Christmas without you all then that’s up to her but we would be staying at home together.

bitterexwife · 19/12/2025 20:41

All of you should stay home

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 19/12/2025 20:41

@arcticpandas are you just popping for a visit or the whole of Christmas?

BlueMum16 · 19/12/2025 20:41

Why is your DH still going and one child?

Her house, her rules but your family unit should be together.

Leoari · 19/12/2025 20:46

You literally can't " catch" shingles- it's the reactivation of the chicken pox virus in your own body ( so at times when your immune system is dampened normally). You CAN catch chicken pox from someone with shingles if you've not had it but that shouldn't because concern for her as she's had chicken pox and you're right, she'd have to touch the lesions!

I agree with everyone else, if she won't have your don all stay home and have a lovely family Xmas!

NerrSnerr · 19/12/2025 20:46

of course your husband shouldn’t go. You should all stay at home together.

BauhausOfEliott · 19/12/2025 20:48

As you say, unless she’s severely immunocompromised she isn’t going to catch shingles from him, but if she wants to call off Christmas, that’s up to her.

However, you should all have Christmas at home if that’s the case. She can have all of you or none of you.

cheddercherry · 19/12/2025 20:50

Yeah another vote that you should all stay home together in that case

Iloveacurry · 19/12/2025 20:51

Why are your DH and DS2 not staying at home with you both? You can have a family Christmas just the four of you.

dementedpixie · 19/12/2025 20:51

Alpinette · 19/12/2025 20:35

The only time I had shingles was after the only prolonged contact I’ve had with someone with it. If it’s not contagious that’s a one in a million coincidence! Shingles isn’t fun for any age but if you’re older it can be extremely hard to get rid of and last for ages. I really don’t believe the ‘not contagious’ view at all. I don’t blame her.

Deleted as it was aimed at the wrong person

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