Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

[arcticpandas]

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

It can give people chicken pox if they haven't had chicken pox. Someone else's shingles cannot give you or anyone shingles.

But that's not true. Shingles isn't " catchable" AT ALL. You can catch chicken pox if you've not had it from shingles blisters but shingles is not airborne or transmittable at all. If you get it it's normally because your own immune system is dampened and because the chicken pox virus you previously had ( normally as a child) is reactivated. If you're an adult who has had chicken pox being around children with chicken pox provides a " natural vaccine" or boost in your immunity to CP/ shingles.

My dad was never the same after shingles when he was elderly so I’m with her

it obviously worries her

I don’t think he should socialise in group with shingles

sorry no I’m with MIL

When did they start? When my late OH noticed the signs he went to a walk in centre and got a jab which stopped them developing further, if it's done within 48 hours it's very effective.

Yes, I am aware of that. As per my post above:

Shingles are infectious until all the blisters have crusted. You can catch chickenpox from shingles, and in an older person, whose immunity has waned this would be very unpleasant.

'MIL, you can't seriously expect poorly DS to spend Christmas Day without his dad and brother, can you?!'

My DH would never do this to his kids-that's really shitty of yours. MIL won't be alone. This is a choice your husband is making.

Dh is her only son he has to go.

No, he doesn’t, she’s choosing to exclude your son so DH stays with him (and you all). You don’t split up a family at Christmas because she doesn’t want to listen to medical advice!

Thank you. I will hereby refer to it as shingles to spare you this odd nomenclature. English is my second language and I had never heard the word shingles until a couple of days ago when the doctor described it as "the shingles" so I went with that.
For the laughing emojis I have no excuse whatsoever. Guilty as charged.

Mine wasn't painful the whole way though to be honest, bar the odd time I rolled on it at night or something. I must have been very lucky.

Will your dh be there all day op? Maybe they could just go for a couple of hours and then the rest of the day at home? I'm sure your poor ds would feel better if you all put a bit of effort in at home for him

Has your DS been given the anti viral medication to stop it getting worse?

You can't catch chicken pox from shingles if you have already had chicken pox.

An older person can catch chicken pox again. And anyone can catch chickenpox from the fluid of the blisters before they have crusted over.

No. Said they only give it to older/frail/sick people. He's not sick at all and it doesn't hurt or itch- touch wood.

Your MIL is not unreasonable, but your DH is. He and DS should be staying at home with you both, especially as Christmas is important to your 15 year old.

Exactly.

Not if the blisters are on the back and he's not touching them.

It's christmas at Mils he wants. It's tradition and he's autistic and wants everything to be as usual.

Immunity to chickenpox is almost always lifelong. And even if it wasn't then you would have to have direct contact with the shingles blisters to catch chickenpox.

The level of misinformation here is actually quite concerning.

But he may well touch his back - it’s easy to say but hard to do

he could rub it while on the loo and then touch things

im sorry but I think you are hugely unreasonable - she’s not going to listen to the science - you need to let her use her own frame of reference and respect her rather than moan - especially as you e said she’s not usually like this

shingles is bloody serious - my dad was never the same

I'd be disgusted, not surprised. She should be getting him round and spoiling him with plenty of hot chocolate and grandmotherly affection (which he probably doesn't need but would lap up).
And your DH planning to go and split the family disgusts me further. Why isn't he standing up for you and his son?

Yes shingles is serious but you CANNOT CATCH IT FROM SOMEONE WITH SHINGLES OR CHICKENPOX.

Those who have shingles shouldn't mingles. Those with the pox should change the locks.

I had shingles when I was 39 and then chicken pox (for the second time) exactly a year later. I thought I was going to die when I had chicken pox, it was awful. I had it as a child but plenty of people get it twice or don’t have it badly enough the first time to have lifetime immunity. We got our kids jabbed immediately to try to save them from this.

Scrolled through your posts and many others and am equally confused as to why it’s more important for your DH to be with his mum rather than you and his poorly child. Sounds easily fixable by having a lovely family day at home. And while it’s very unlikely she’d catch anything, it’s not impossible and if she did you’d feel terrible about it. She’ll be anxious, you’ll be anxious and it just won’t be lovely and relaxed at all. I’d do a do over Xmas in a few weeks when hopefully everyone is better.

I get that! But a bit of solidarity wouldn’t go a miss. If he can’t go, none of you go. He’ll have a better day with the four of you at home rather than seeing his dad and brother head-out for the day that he desperately wants to be at.