Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

[arcticpandas]

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

Of course you can, it is the condition to get shingles in the first place, since shingles is the result of a reactivation of the chicken pox virus, but its not transmissible as such.

You could get chicken pox from someone with shingles, if you were never exposed to the varicella virus, but not shingles from shingles, it is not a contagious condition.

I am not minimising. My son has got the shingles- he had chicken pox 12 years ago at 3. Everyone in the family has had chicken pox so he is not contagious for anyone unlesq they lick his back.

Dh is her only son he has to go

Does he bollocks.

At Christmas, our family unit is together - that's me, dh and all the dc. The thought of me staying home with a sick dc and dh still going out for Xmas lunch with another dc is just totally alien - that jyst wouldn't even be on our radar.

If dh suggested it i'd be considering our future. If MIL suggested it she'd be told absofuckinglutely not.

I had it in the summer, I didn’t know much about it before. It was the most painful thing I’ve experienced in my life especially for five days before a very small amount of blisters appeared. So even though I know I could only get it from someone else by actually touching their blisters I would still feel like your MIL does.
She isn’t the problem your DH choosing to go there is.

People have the flu. That's not minimising

What grandmother would turn her own grandson away at Christmas. What utterly vile behaviour. And how vile of your DH and other children for considering going. Either you all go or none of you go.

As an aside - why did you tell her? Knowing what she can be like? I'd have just turned up.

Well she's not going to catch shingles from your son but it can be a horribly painful illness so I understand her fear of getting it again. Can you encourage her to look at the NHS guidance on shingles vaccine - everybody turning 65 is offered it and people between 70 and 79.

Shingles are infectious until all the blisters have crusted. You can catch chickenpox from shingles, and in an older person, whose immunity has waned this would be very unpleasant.

Why do you keep mentioning licking backs? What has that got to do with anything?

This! Why is dh being her son, more important than ds being his son?

My neighbour was in the intensive care unit with shingles related complications. Shingles is no joke for some people. I would respect her wishes and have a quiet Christmas at home with your son

It only spreads with contact with fluid from the blisters. Its not airborne like chickenpox would be

Shingles is generally referred to as shingles. Not "the shingles".

As well as this odd nomenclature, OP is all laugh emojis and only catch it if she licks his back. This is not true.

I would like to point out that shingles doesn't always start out painful. I have just had it and for the first around 5 days, I felt slightly "off" but was doing normal stuff and totally unaware that I had shingles. because I live alone and couldn't see any rash, I didn't even know to look for one. Once the pain did kick in it was pretty horrible, had to live in my PJ's for days as I couldn't bear day clothes touching my skin. My point is that while your boy might feel fine now, by christmas it might be different and he might not feel well enough to go. None of this changes my view that your Mil is an ass.

I had chicken pox as a child, have had shingles three times since, it’s horrible. Still get post shingles neuralgia at the sight of the shingles, which flares up when I’m under the weather. I can understand totally any older person being cautious.

Well normally I'm the one who says my children can't go to hers because they are ill- and she insists that they come anyway (but she's older so I wouldn't want to contaminate her so I never send them with a cough etc). So I was quite surprised by her reaction to say the least..

I’ve had chicken pox and shingles several times - yup, I’m that weirdo.

its fecking miserable - let her be and do something when he’s all clear.

But it's as nonsensical as stating that you can catch cancer by being in the same room as a cancer patient.

Of course shingles is no joke, it's very painful and I'm very happy that my mum got the vaccine, but it is not contagious as such. There's anxiety and then there's misinformation.

Actually it is pretty much true except for the licking bit which is GP humour. Shingles can only give people chicken pox if they touch the fluid that leaks from the rash. Before the rash leaks and once it has dried up and scabbed over, its quite safe. It can of course be covered with light non adhesive dressings for extra protection. I am not sure about what your problem is with saying "the" shingles?

YANBU about your MIL (lots on this thread too are determined to be ignorant about it being no danger to your MIL as well). But I'm really surprised that your ds is devastated at missing the big family Christmas at his grandparents yet isn't bothered about having a very quiet Christmas on his own with his mum. Surely it would be better for you all to be at home together??

Thank you. I didn't think about this- I stupidly assumed that since he's fine now it will stay that way. He's rarely ill unlike his brother so I just assumed he'd be fine. Guess we'll wait and see then.. if he's ill then it would be logical for him not to go (but Ofcourse I don't hope for it).

It’s crazy to me that your son will miss Christmas with the family rather than your family just staying home on Christmas Day and having your own day. Seems like your are choosing MIL’s preference over giving your children a nice Xmas. Just because you have been to MILs in the past doesn’t mean you have to go this year.

I am not sure about what your problem is with saying "the" shingles?

To me it's like when people say she's got "the diabetes", like it's a joke.

Regardless, it is contagious. I would not want to be assuming any super hygiene is occuring that would prevent all accidental contact with fluid from the blisters of a 15 year old boy.

but she can't catch shingles from someone else's shingles.

My mum had chicken lox and had shingles. She had it in her ear and woke up looking like she had had a stroke with her face drooping. Took years of hospital appts to regain her face pre shingles.’