Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

[arcticpandas]

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

As are you - it’s just one of those things - can’t always go smoothly

DH stay home

Jeez, I bet FIL was popular after all that!

You get shingles once you've had chicken pox, that's how it works! As long as she has had chicken pox she is fine. Plus she's not going to be in contact with his blisters anyway..

My MIL has this same attitude, and won't believe the science!

Agree the whole family should stay home! Have a lovely Christmas without her.

You can catch chickenpox from someone with shingles. It may not be common to be reinfected with chickenpox, but some people's immunity does wane over time, especially if they had chickenpox very young.

Once an older person gets chickenpox, it can be very unpleasant, and sometimes it can be serious: pneumonia, sepsis, liver inflammation, etc, even death.

Your dh is a dick (sorry!). If one child can’t go, none of you go. It’s as simple as that. At least you know where you & the kids come in order of priorities. What a git. You need to spell this out to him. Leaving one child at home is horrible. You should absolutely all stay. I can’t believe this is a question!!!

Who’s autistic dh?

I mean you’d think he would have some compassion to his son.

This is hardly a forgettable age.

Yeah dad left because his
mum who had company, who couldn’t catch it banned me from Christmas. hopefully your ds has more compassion than his father 🤷🏻‍♀️

It always is.

As a nurse I’m allowed to go to work with shingles providing the rash is covered.

I’ve had chicken pox twice, and shingles twice 🤷🏾‍♀️

So MIL being devastated trumps your son being heartbroken?

Read what I said - she has her own frame or reference and won’t be convinced

One would certainly hope your hand hygiene is better than the average 15 year old boy.

Good to know, I covered it up and carried on as normal, after reading this thread I was starting to get worried I'd infected half the town by going to work 😅

Dh is her only son he has to go.

and your DH is your DS’s only father.

Your autistic DS who loves Christmas very much and will be incredibly upset to be “left behind”.

have a family Christmas with your DH visit his DM on Boxing Day.

I thought the same. When the rash came out where I could see it, I went to the docs because I knew about getting the antiviral ASAP. It was quite a shock when the pain kicked off.

Same.

Right?? Especially when one considers that she is an adult making the choice to exclude DS1 (doesn’t matter if the exclusion is reasonable or not. It is her choice to do this).

whereas OP’s DS1 is an autistic teenager who apparently really loves Christmas and did not choose to be excluded…

Your husband is being very very unreasonable. He should stay at home and you should have a family Christmas together. Your son should be far more important to him than his mother. Christmas should be an exciting time for children.
I say this as a Grandmother. I would not want a child of mine to come to me for any occasion if it meant leaving one of my grandchildren behind.

I can’t believe you wouldn’t just have a family Christmas at home! Your MIL won’t be on her own but she needs to understand that you, DH and other DC should be together. I’d be hugely upset if my DH didn’t spend Christmas with myself and our family.

MIL should put it all in the freezer until the week after! You have family Christmas and good long Zoom call with her on the 25th, then have bonus MIL Christmas asap once everyone is healthy.

You can't 'catch' Shingles, it's the chicken pox virus that's reactivated in the body, causing the Shingles. However, if someone hasn't had chicken pox, they can get that from someone who has Shingles. My son had Shingles in April/May, and couldn't go to school, and it was very painful. I'm not sure why your husband and other child are still going to your MIL's?! Surely, your husband tells his Mum that none of you will be coming, and it will be a quiet Christmas at home?! It's her choice not to want your eldest son there, even if you think her reasoning isn't correct.

While MIL has the right to avoid potential viruses (however ill informed) she does not get to split your family unit up. I am with other posters with this.

Do you think if DH and other DC weren't going, that MIL might backtrack and decide she is OK with it after all? I can see my MIL doing that.

I had shingles on my thighs, buttocks and inside bits only a torch could see and it felt like I'd been burned with an iron and then like water was dripping down me and clothing hurt so much. Even if doctor told me I couldn't catch it I'd be nervous too. I can understand why she's acting like that.
I also think you should all stay at home and facetime her instead. Then see her at new years

This is crazy. It's 6 days til Christmas. Even if he is still blistery now he won't be by Thursday so won't be contagious at all.

There’s not a chance in hell that he’d be in my house with shingles. I’ve had it before too and am vulnerable to catching it again. She will be too. I was Dreadfully ill and then had post hepatic pain for months. For some people this never goes away. It can lead to suicide for some poor sufferers.
you have to be quite elderly to qualify for the vaccination. Believe me I’ve tried to get my surgery to give it to me to no avail.

Thats how my family work ...all of us or non of us.