Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

[arcticpandas]

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

This.

Your DH should stay home too though!

Well she's daft and by her logic no one from your family should be going since they may be contagious 🙄 and pass it on to her.

15yr old doesn't go then no one does, don't reward willfull ignorance.

Yes! That's why she had the shingles in her thirties. You can't get shingles if you haven't had chicken pox.

If your DH and DS2 don’t go to MIL’s, would she be by herself?

I thought you could only get shingles if you have had chickenpox.

Yabu for agreeing to split the family. All or none. Her choice.

But I don't understand how your MIL would trump your son in relation to where your DH should spend Christmas?

Couldn't your DH just pop over for an hour or something if she doesn't live far?

No, her brother and her Sil. But she would be devastated.

Yes. This.

I'm sorry but I still think they should stay at home with you. What about you spending Christmas with your family?

You are correct
If you havent had chickenpox you wont get shingles

Well, she's old and we normally have christmas at hers. DH would def want to go and ds2 as well. I don't care to be honest, I just don't want ds1 to feel left out.

What do you mean by ex. ?

So you are letting your DS be devastated to spare your MIL being devastated. Who is being ridiculous. Make it make sense. Spineless DH needs to step up and stay home with you all.

My mum is dead and the rest of my family live in another country so we only got dh's family here.

Bonkers that you and DH would rather DS be devastated than MIL but there you go, that's just my opinion.

but you get shingles from the chicken pox virus from when YOU had chicken pox and which has been sitting in a nerve root awaiting its chance.
I think a) Mil is factually wrong. b) Mil is entitled to be wrong. c) the answer is to all stay home for christmas.

Surely your dh and other ds are possible carriers.

Sorry but I wouldn’t be splitting up my family. It would also take a cruel person to split up a family due to one child being sick.

I hate the if you loved me but seriously. If she loved the boys as much as you say she wouldn’t want to make one feel forced out while pulling the other away. She wouldn’t be adult enough to say no no you guys stay home together and we will do a big meet up once his better.

Id judge dh hugely for going as well.

You seem to be keen to minimise a very painful experience for older people by referring to it as "the shingles".

Does you son have chickenpox, or shingles?

Another vote for all staying at home. Does she have other guests?

Oh, Ds1 is devastated about not going to Mils. He loves having christmas there as per tradition. It wouldn't make a difference if his dad and brother stayed home. That's why I'm ok with them going. I will find ways to make it up to him though.

well that's a consequence of being wrong. Its her choice but choices have consequences. I am unimpressed by your husband though.

Agree completely.

It’s a loyalty thing. Soz your sick bro/son but we are still going rather than spending time with you.

nah

Why don't you get something really special just for the two of you? Something that nobody else will do apart from the you two at home? A really special meal, a new board game or film, anything he really enjoys that you don't normally do? Even a sneaky extra gift he opens when everyone is out.