Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

This!

Its to protect the identity of the children and their famillies, some will have left DA, some could be under police protection, etc.

Why don't you ask the school to film it and your husband could go view it in the school, see if this is something they could do

Yes, exactly.
OP hasn't thought about the very great danger some women and children are in from fathers who are stalking their mothers by trying to find pictures of their children.

@Dramatic you're being extremely unreasonable.

You should then have empathy for parents who want to protect their children from known risk.

What do you mean huh? There is a massive difference between sharing images online (which I know you said you won’t do but you are part of the problem because other people may follow your example and not be so cautious) and a child walking to school or the shop.

So you ask one of the teachers, given the situation could you please have a second after the play to take a photo of just YOUR child in their outfit to send to their Dad. If they say no then it’s no.

Presumably if you were aware you brother was at the time you wouldn't have shared it, and if you weren't aware he may have been there in person anyway?..

The risk might be tiny - but what is the benefit that makes it worth taking?

It doesn’t matter how much you try to justify it and how certain you are that the video will never get into the wrong hands, you have decided that your wishes are more important than the school rules. That’s a bad example to your children in the first place. My local FB page is full of people losing and finding phones. Suppose you lost yours and someone looked at it to find the owner. They saw the video and recognised ‘the background children’. Then it’s no longer private.

But that’s a ‘them’ problem surely? Op secretly filming so nobody noticed doesn’t make her responsible for other people doing it. Those dense enough to put it on social media clearly don’t understand the risks.

I do. And they're not at risk from what I did.

You are 🤦🏽‍♀️ by setting a precedent that other people may follow who aren’t as cautious as you. And on top of that you are making it harder for parents of protected children to allow their dc to participate in occasions like this.

If your partner valued school performances they wouldn’t choose a job that completely removes him from family life on a regular basis. His choice of career isn’t the fault of school staff or any of the children at school, its also annoying as a parent is an annoying adult filming stuff is sat near you as its a distraction.

In response to the points about ring doorbells and dash cams. Where there is DV, the parent in question will focus on schools to track children down. A random
doorbell on a street means nothing in comparison.

Before working in a school, I didn’t really understand the whole situation. I thought it would be random, rare cases. Now that I work in a school I can tell you that heartbreakingly, it isn’t. Please help your school to protect all the children in it and don’t do this.

They’re property owned by the state (state schools, at least).

They’re not the property of parents. No parent can impose a ban on their child being photographed if the school allows photos.

I really can't believe that any parent that has gone through this would have such a lax attitude to child safeguarding. If you've really been there you know the anxiety of seeing someone that recognises your DC whilst out and about or discussions of your DC from acquaintances. Anyone who has lived that knows this isn't just about SM.

No it’s not just that - it’s because anyone else could film it and show it to someone who has designs on little children… you now your husband is safe, but do you know that other parents are sharing images of your children with ‘safe’ people?

You're just removing the right to consent for every single parent in the room? And you're cool with that?

You really seriously can't see the correlation between a few people starting to break the rules and then that snowballing and then it being shared to relatives and then maybe grandparents decide to share the video because wee jonny just did so well and they couldn't help showing them off. Either everyone pulls together or the rule is defunct. YOU are setting the culture around it by participating. So yes, you can play around it to justify it however you like but you are absolutely putting them at risk.

But it wouldn't be a 'them' problem - it would be a problem for the children harmed by someone else's actions. Which is why the school doesn't allow it.

You are putting them at risk by tacitly encouraging others to break the rules too.

OP, even if you are just showing it to your husband the photos will be likely backed up in the cloud somewhere. Being replicated over and over different data centres.

I don’t know that, you can tell me that bit once the video is out there I have no control over what you, or any other parent, does with it. So I would need to remove my child from the performance because I simply couldn’t take the risk.

Besides which, if someone is prepared to film in secret having been expressly told not to, why would I trust them not to share said recording?

As my sorry tale shows op does NOT know her dh is safe. She just thinks he is. And that's why it's important parents are able to consent to these things.

I very much doubt that other people in the audience won’t see you doing it. Then either they decide it’s ok to do it too or it’s a parent who doesn’t want their child filmed - in which case they could tell the school and you get banned from future events or they get anxious and stop their child from participating in future events. Too much risk for such little gain IMO.

You aren’t entitled to film this so you are being very unreasonable