Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

There is absolutely no way that it went unnoticed if she was sitting in an audience beside others.
As for her not being responsible for others, she is a role model for her own children and her lack of respect for the school will most certainly have an impact.

I think the school sucks for not at least taking their own photos and sharing them to parents.

But I think it’s ok to ask parents not to take photos and videos. My children’s school used to be like this BUT they did nice photos you can have emailed to you if you wanted them which was a happy compromise.

Then a new headteacher came along and she is fab. You can take as many photos and videos as you like.

I'd probably ask them not to share it on SM

I would do the same OP. I don't agree with blanket bans, it's not fair on people who can't attend. I wouldn't share on SM obviously or send to anyone else.

Sure! And then you'd sit back and relax and enjoy the show knowing everything was fine!
Nonsense! You've no idea what really being "at risk" means. Trying to claim you've been in this situation to make you seem more reasonable is insulting to real victims.

Would you like it if another parent/person you don't know had a video on their phone of your child (regardless of whether or not it was going to be on social media) to do what ever they wanted with?

I can confirm I have been on threads with @Taztoy - she has been around on MN for ages, and I am happy to say she has NOT joined just to post on this thread, @justasking111.

I hope you will apologise for the unfounded accusation.

Thank you.

I hope you can also confirm that I take, and have consistently taken, a hard line on consent violation as a principle and it isn’t something new for me just on this thread?

It's not fair that some kids have to be kept out of special events because they can't have their photo taken and grown adults can't be trusted to respect school guidelines!

I mean you don't have to believe me but I was abused for several long years.

I’ve done an AS and I have over 900 posts as Taztoy.

🙄

On top of everything else AI technologies, especially deepfake tools, are becoming more sophisticated every day, making it possible to manipulate images or videos in ways that can misrepresent or exploit children. What was once an innocent photo or video can easily be altered to create something entirely different, which could be harmful, abusive, or simply taken out of context. And once a photo or video is uploaded, even in a “private” space, it can be impossible to remove completely from the digital footprint. Trusting someone to take photos and videos of your child and asking them not to post on SM means nothing. You just take a stranger's word for it? OP, your intent really doesn't matter, and what used to happen in the past doesn't matter either. The world is changing, and protecting children's images is becoming increasingly important. If there is a rule, respect it.

I focus on my own kid anyway, and I wouldn't send them round. It's no different to us both just being there watching with our own eyes.
They tried to do this rule at our school and soon stopped it.

Even if you were new you're perfectly entitled to post your opinion and experience.

I don’t think I’ve been rude. I think we disagree on it and I don’t understand why you’re not seeing that it’s not about you it’s about the fact that schools have to mitigate risk and not everyone can be trusted and the school can’t see inside your head.

and fundamentally it is, in my opinion, a consent violation. I DO take a hard line on that but being a rape victim has done that to me.

I understand how precious these moments are as every parent wants to capture them but secretly filming when a school has a clear no-filming policy isn’t just bending the rules; it’s violating a shared community agreement. Schools put these policies in place for reasons that usually relate to child protection, privacy, and safeguarding, not arbitrary bureaucracy.

When schools set a policy, everyone relies on it. Quietly breaking that agreement, even with harmless intentions, undermines the trust on which school communities are built. Choosing to secretly record, even if you believe you’ll only share it with your partner, still means breaking a rule that everyone else has agreed to follow. That sends a message to your child, or to other parents, that rules apply only to some people, or only when it’s convenient.
How would you feel if the school discovered this and you were then banned from attending future school events because you broke a rule? If you genuinely believe the policy should change, the ethical approach is to speak up, respectfully raise your concerns with school leadership, and ask for a review, not to quietly defy it. Open dialogue builds trust and creates safer spaces for all our children. As a constructive alternative, maybe you can ask if the school could take photos of the children in costume and share them with parents.

Those schools are failing to safeguard the children, and that is a serious failure. Move your kids to a school that do not care about the safety of pupils if that is a priority for you, they are usually not hard to get a place in.

And as one victim to another I'm sorry you went through that. Yes, we might disagree about this but it doesn't mean you aren't entitled to post.

I'm truly sorry that happened. Are you and your children currently in hiding from your abuser? Could they be out looking for you and if they locate you will you or your children be harmed again? If the answer is yes then how can you genuinely not see the issue? How could you just take someone's word for it that they won't share your photo?

YABU. You don't have to film everything your child does. You have a thing called a memory as well as a phone.

You are modelling a lack of respect for others' boundaries and consent, and showing your son that rules don't need to apply to your family if they don't suit you. If you're here tearing your hair out in a few years because he won't follow any of your rules, that will be entirely of your own creation.

Stop being a dick.

Then some of my foster children would not be able to attend that school. The children constantly having to sit in a classroom with the TA while all their friends can do school plays, sports days, outings, nativities, carol concerts, special assemblies, award ceremonies and so on underlines how different they are. And the damage done from that can last a lifetime. But the good news - other parents will have their photo of their child.

It's not a right to attend your child's nativity. (Plenty of us have had to miss some for work).

It IS a right under UNCRC for children to have safety.

A door bell can belong to a perv and footage can be used for ai.

He's in prison, but we will be hiding from him when he is released. I can understand not posting it on SM but I'd be happy for people to film as long as they didn't put it on SM

i am truly sorry that happened to you.

how do you know those people are telling the truth and what would you do if one of them lied and posted it online? and put you in danger?