Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

How would you feel if someone else at the performance also took a covert video featuring your child and put it on Facebook?
You have shrugged your shoulders OP saying it was only to show your DH but if your child goes and tells another child or lets slip to a teacher that you’ve broken an important rule then it may be that you aren’t allowed to future school performances or that the school just won’t have them at all.

TRIGGER WARNING - DV

As a parent who escaped domestic violence years ago, I moved to a different town for the safety of myself and my child. My ex didn’t know where I was, I wasn’t on any social media and I was very careful online. My ex didn’t have any contact with our child as social services put our child on the At Risk register when I was still pregnant following a particularly severe assault when my ex broke my nose and fractured my jaw. I was 7 months pregnant and the next door neighbour heard me screaming and called the ambulance and police. That neighbour saved my life and certainly my unborn child’s.
Some CF parent like you OP could have put a woman like me in danger plus risk us having to uproot our lives and start all over again.
Try and think of others rather than just yourself!

I honestly think we might as well talk to the wall. Because the op is determined hold her line. It comes across as just not to going to give a shit about anyone else. It’s really weird to me.

I know I’m at risk every day. I have mitigations in place as much as I can. It’s either that or hide away all of us for the rest of our lives.

Are you with the police if so it's very unprofessional of you. If you're not then you have zero rights to tell anyone what to do with their phone.

You haven't read my posts.

Op out of curiosity (and not to get into a debate and derail the thread with this) do you think there should be female only spaces and if so why? When we know not all men harm women? And some guys are actually good guys? Because that's what this is - you can say you only want to show your dh but I don't know you, you could be a pathological liar for all I know, or could be supporting a predatory husband to access children as some women do. Why should I believe you when I don't know you? How do you tell who's harmful and who's not? How do you know for absolute certainty who has bad intentions and who doesn't?

You cannot possibly know- none of us can- which is why there needs to be blanket rules when it comes to safeguarding children. And that has to apply to you the same as everyone else or its pointless.

The problem you seem to be having with this thread is that you feel this doesn't impact you. You're struggling to relate to the consequences as you don't think they apply to your child (which i still find super strange given your disclosed history with your ex). You can't seem to see that while your intentions may be good- it's not actually about YOU its about having mechanisms in place to block the people who WOULD be harmful and have bad intentions from being able to access vulnerable children. It's lacking in empathy and honestly it's giving narcissistic because you have centered yourself so much in this you can't see past yourself.

I’m not with the police.

im asking the op when will she delete it to try to make her think about that.

im just a victim who has to be careful. I’m a nobody really. Why would anyone bother about doing anything that might help keep someone like me safe.

🙄🙄🙄

and since I’m posting here in a private capacity I can be as unprofessional as I like

You have missed their point. What they wrote makes complete sense in the context of all your posts.

I wouldn't have filmed but only because it would have been embarrassing to get caught in front of everyone. Generally I film my dcs at any performances or places we visit that I can, and only avoid doing it if I've been explicitly told not to. My dc's school allows parents to film school performances and sports day and I'm glad they do. For me it's important to have those memories.

I'm been at risk (will be in the future too) as are my kids, I'm not daft enough to think that a video that never gets sent or posted anywhere is any sort of risk to us.

You clearly didn’t read mine! I read ALL your posts where you trotted out feeble excuses as to why you don’t see it as a problem and you’ve not read the many other posts where other people have said you are out of order.
If you don’t want to hear negative feedback then don’t post on Mumsnet and get butthurt when people don’t agree with you.

You have specifically set up this name and frankly bullied the OP. TAZTOY didn't exist before this thread. You lack credibility.

But if they let you take a video, they have ti let everyone take a video. And not everyone can be trusted.

plus. If I have said that there are to be no photos, then that needs to be respected. Because to continue filming me after I have told the school that I do not consent would be a consent violation.

have I fuck 🤣🤣🤣🤣

use advanced search if you don’t believe me.

in fact, I’ve been on threads with @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius for one and I’m sure she can confirm that.

Your whole "I was at risk so I can do whatever the f I want" is getting tired. Clearly a lot of people in oyur position do not share your point of view, and you do not seem to udnerstand whatthe yare saying, and you are clearly despite your experience it taught you nothing. Please get your head out of your a$$ and listen to what multiple people have been telling you since page 1.

I'm talking in general about ai risks you mentioned, not about your specific case or other children at risk attending schools where it's easier to enforce rules and safeguard them.

I understand...

And for me as a foster carer it is important for me to keep the children I care for safe. I cannot do that if photos may have been taken of them. I cannot 100% guarantee that a parent will not show that photo or film to anyone else or who those people may be. When this happened the only safe alternative was for them to change schools once again.

Safeguarding children is the responsibility of everyone.
You might be adamant that you won’t share the footage on social media or with anyone, but the school don’t know that for certain, do they? They only have your word for it.
If 40 parents whip their phones out, that’s 40 chances of a vulnerable child being put at risk. It doesn’t matter if those 40 parents swear blind they won’t share the footage with anyone, because the school can’t be sure that’s the case. So it’s safer to have a blanket ban.

You’re not coming out of this very well OP, sorry.

So, out of interest, if your location being disclosed was likely to put you in danger and you saw someone secretly filming your children how would you react?

My son was at school who had been adopted. It was a closed adoption when he was around 6 years old - name change and the parents don’t know his wearabouts. You have no idea if there is a child there who’s abusive parents are looking for them.

There is a ban on filming and taking photographs. You’re not special, you don’t get to break the rules!

You asked on here if YABU, OP. You have been told numerous times that you are, and why, but you keep answering back. Why did you post? 😩

This is the only place that I hear about things like this. I have 2 kids in various different schools at different times, never ever has this been a rule. Surely it can’t be just a select few schools that don’t have these rules?

OP why are you not sharing or showing the video to anyone else? Are you honestly not planning to let your child/your mother/your older DC see the performance? If you disagree with the school's policy then speak to them about it and try to find a compromise, don't just break the rule.

Op said she did it sneakily so nobody else knew. Regardless, she can’t really be held accountable for the choices of others.

On a side note both of my dc schools regularly share photos of the kids online doing activities or celebrating achievements etc. Obviously parents are able to opt out of this but not many do. Clearly those with vulnerable kids would. Having read the posts about the prevalence of so many internet weirdos, AI, basically your child’s photo being ‘out there’ being such a massive risk even if they aren’t vulnerable…I’m surprised so many schools share photos on social media at all.

Your husband chose a job where he works away. As a consequence he misses out on parts of his child's life. That's just how it is.

Sounds as though you haven't even tried explaining and asking the school and you are also saying you want to watch it back too. Given you were actually there that's even more unreasonable.

This.

It may be more of a concern in schools that perhaps know they have a vulnerable child. A more relaxed attitude to photos and videos probably comes from schools where they have no known issues.