Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

Look, YABU. Everyone but a few people think you’re being unreasonable. Give it up OP. You asked the question - we answered.

Good for the headteacher.

sorry about the child being upset but no sympathy for the parent.

@Dramatic - what would you do if the parent of one of the children in the background of your video asked you to delete the pictures of their child? Would you do as they asked, or would you argue with them the way you have argued on here, and potentially cause a scene at/after the Nativity?

You are talking about online safety but op has repeatedly said she won’t be sharing it online. I’ve read what you say and I don’t disagree with you but please can you explain where the risk is in what OP has done? Taking it purely on face value of her showing (not sending) her own husband the video, where is the risk?

Bullshit!

The risk is that no one knows if she’s telling the truth.

Because I'm telling you that I haven't sent it to anyone and it won't be shared anywhere. You can choose not to believe me but then you could just choose not to believe the whole thread if that's the case 🤷

Absolutely @UsernameAlreadyTaken101which is why we played by the rules, I was just trying to say that I do understand why something as small as a photo can have greater significance to people. And in our instance it was just hard because DC2 will always be in the only class with zero photos, just Sod’s Law that photos seem to be his area of focus - he needs one of everything (and I mean everything - try a trip to the zoo without getting each individual insect in the reptile house 🫠). We did ask the school but it was a no as they felt they’d have to offer all parents in the class the chance for a photo. We also don’t get photo updates from school trips. Which is ok for now but when they’re old enough for a residential I don’t know what the answer will be as parents obviously expect a few photos during the week 🤷‍♀️

Do you have Instagram Facebook Tiktok or Snapchat?

Look. You might be telling the truth. But Susan sitting beside you might not be. No one can see inside your head so the school, TO KEEP CHILDREN SAFE, make a blanket rule.

like it or lump it. If you don’t like it, withdraw your child and then there won’t be a performance for your husband to miss out on.

Op if a man you didn't know took a video of your child and told you, don't worry I'm only going to show my wife. Would you be cool with that? How would you know that was the truth? How would you know it wouldn't end up on social media?

Photos can be taken at school gates or on the streets or in public transport, you wouldn't even notice.

Thanks for that AI slop. You do not know what you’re talking about. Sorry.

Don't mean to derail the thread but that's a real shame. I'm not one to be that parent but in this case I'd probably argue the point that all other classes have photos of their children and SOME pictures of your child would be really helpful for him. I have several children in my class who aren't allowed to be photographed but I'm always able to provide individual or group shots of special activities without showing them. There are plenty of ways around it and it seems weird to single out one particular class. It actually could make the vulnerable children feel responsible which is not good.

The risk is that op through her actions, creates a precedence that makes the safeguarding rule utterly defunct by creating a culture of - its fine to ignore this rule and be sneaky about it. It's fine to ignore this rule because I'm 'only' showing my husband. It makes it impossible for the school to police properly. So the consequence is that either op is banned from her kids performances going forward and they don't get to have either parent there, or some poor child who's had a rough enough time has to be excluded from opportunities that should be open to them to protect them from parents like op who can't follow a simple rule.

It's the same rule of thumb as why we need female only spaces or why women would be more likely to choose the bear. Because you can't tell what's harmful or not. The school or anyone else can't go - oh its OK because its op so we know she's cool. Because that's unfair to all the other working parents. So where does that end?

So if another parent saw you and asked you to delete it because it’s a potential safeguarding risk to their child, would you? Or would you double down like you have on this thread and leave them worried that you might be exposing their child to danger?

I understand you are sincere, but Children's Services, the school and the police could not take that risk. My foster child had to leave the school.

But if others copy you...you're doing it so it's ok?

I don't know why I'm engaging. You are the epitome of the entitled people who don't give a damn about anyone else as long as they record the 'memories'

And you'll do exactly what you feel like doing.

I know we are always going to live with an element of risk. And there's a lot of that I can't control, but there are certain things I can control like not bringing my child to the area where I know their dad lives or works etc. But I absolutely expect safeguarding processes to be followed in a contained space where its possible to do.

But that's like saying there's no point in getting an mot or servicing your car because sure you could have an accident anyway. We live with risk but we also all take steps to mitigate risk where we can every single day. And this IS a situation where risk could be mitigated and actually removed almost completely if people like op weren't so entitled.

No I won't, I'd love to post it on SM but I won't.

so you haven’t sent it to your husband?

in that case, it’s still on your phone and is a risk every day till you delete it.

but somehow I don’t think you’ll be planning to do that.

What do the odds matter? Surely you understand why this policy is in place and what the potential repercussions are for other children and their families?

No, I've repeatedly said I haven't sent it to him

See that wall over there?

We might as well talk to that.

So when will you be deleting it? And don’t forget to delete it from the recently deleted.