Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

Ours asks us not to, but then they give opportunities at the end for a class photo or a photo of your child. If there is a vunerable child in the group, that gives them a chance to not participate for whatever reason that is.

Sorry I did mean to reply to that, no it's not on the cloud, I don't have it set to auto save to the cloud

Have you saved it to the Google cloud or iCloud? Have you removed it from any other apps that have access to your camera roll?

Have you sent it to your husband?

Our posts crossed.

have you shared it with your husband?

Have you removed it from all other apps on your phone that access your camera roll?

what steps have you taken to safeguard against losing your phone?

"Your husband works offshore. He’s going to miss stuff, thats just the way it is. But that doesn’t give you the right to break the rules"

And also this - thems the breaks with the career he's chosen. If he wants to be present for things like this then he needs to change job so he can be there. When i became a lone parent I had to change my job so i could attend things for my kid, to not have to work Xmas day, and be more present and work more flexibly as everything fell to me to show up for. And even then I can't be at every single thing and there's stuff I unfortunately have to miss because i also need to put food on our table in which case grandparents might go and tell me about it after. There are doctors and nurses and police and paramedics and long haul drivers and parents serving in the military, so many parents who accept that it's a shite part of the job and then they either get on with it or they don't and make a change.

What you don't get to do is decide that safeguarding rules just don't apply to you.

Every single permission document I have to fill in for every single trip, concert, ceremony, sporting event etc etc for all of my children’s schools, have a specific question explicitly asking whether I give consent for photos to be taken by the school or visitors, and/or used for the school website, newsletter, social and local media and if I tick the NO box, then it is stated underneath that that consent will be strictly adhered to. I don’t even need to give a reason (although of course I can, and have had to before).

There are also court and social services mandated documents attached to the at risk register files, explicitly forbidding consent for certain children to be filmed or photographed.

So no, all this consent nonsense (or however you termed it), is not nonsense at all. It is valid and binding and not only have children’s and families lives been upended and ruined when that consent has been violated, but legal action has in some cases been taken.

But the school have no idea if your going to stay true to your word or not. If every other parent wants to film the nativity too and promises not to show anyone else/delete the footage then the school will have to take them at their word too and that's quite a risk on their part.

No it's not on the cloud, no I don't have apps that have access to my photos and no I didn't send it to him.

It is hard. DC2 is unfortunately in the only class in the school that isn’t allowed a photograph so we have nothing of him. Appreciate this might sound pathetic but DC2 has autism so the fact he was on that stage for his nativity was massive and we’d have loved a photo to share with grandparents. He was also devastated and had a meltdown because he knew his sibling had photos from the school show but none for him. So whilst I understand the rules, I also couldn’t get worked up if I saw someone break them because I know there can be plenty going on in the background that we might not know about.

You need to individually check apps because there are surprising ones.

I honestly can’t understand why you can’t see how unreasonable you’re being. If you lose your phone - which is a risk to any of us - anyone could get access to that video and you could literally put someone’s life at risk.

Social media would be one of the reasons. The main reason is safeguarding. You do not know if a child in that school has a protection order, for example. The fact that the school doesnt take videos either it means at least one child has a no picture policy. The only way to protect that child is to put a filming ban.

What makes you so special? What makes you think that ban doesn’t apply to you? That your husband can’t go and see your child? Take a video of YOUR child, in YOUR home practicing his lines/songs. There are always reasons why this rule applies, and they don’t have to justify that to you.

We’ve had to resort to asking parents to leave who can’t follow basic safeguarding rules. Which has then caused altercations and made a scene in front of children, which is surely worse than just not filming! But there’s no telling some people. I’m starting Stage 2 of the adoption process after Christmas and one of the things that fills me with fear is navigating this world where everything has to be photographed and online and documented by a phone camera. Generations somehow just lived their lives without sticking a lens in their children’s faces and videoing at every opportunity!

The forms are meaningless. You cannot control others’ rights to take pictures. The most it could do is let the school know that you are unhappy about photos.

If a court makes an order against photos that’s a judicial decision. It’s nothing to do with consent.

I am not sure if I have explained properly but the fact anyone takes a photo or films a nativity IS the risk. Obviously you are clear that you will not send it to anyone or put it on social media, but Children's Services, the school, ourselves as foster carer cannot guarantee that. Therefore in foster children I care for had to change schools just because of that. Children's Services could not put the child at risk of abduction knowing there was a video out there with them in.

Having said all that I admire how you are defending yourself here and understand you would never knowingly put any child at risk, but as I said the fact you did IS the risk. The children just had to change schools AGAIN. Hope that makes sense.

This, 100%! You could promise to only show DH and be telling the truth. The person next to you could promise to only show DH and put it on TikTok that night on their public account with 20k followers. I’m not sure what isn’t clear about what the risk is!

We’re allowed to do I film and don’t post it anywhere. But if I wasn’t allowed to I wouldn’t. They let you take pics at the end don’t they? How embarrassing if you got caught!

You. Are. Still. Violating. Someone’s. Consent.

That is NOT respect. (Apart from all the ways that it has been shown to you how you absolutely could be hurting the children and families whose consent you have violated). it’s like cancel the fucking cheque 🤦🏼‍♀️

But if having his photo taken caused your child to have a meltdown I bet you'd think differently.
Everyone thinks their child is special and I'm sure everyone has their reasons why they want something done a certain way but the difference is whether or not it could cause serious harm to someone.
Also, I'm sure if you'd asked a teacher they could have taken a photo of your son during rehearsal on stage with nobody in the background. I would definitely do this for a parent if it was an important milestone.

I've filmed my nephew's to show my mum (who was very unwell in hospital at the time)

I'd never post something like that to social media though!

They probably withdraw the vulnerable children from any performances where parents can film, @Dramatic. So children who already have a difficult enough life, have to miss out on being in the Nativity play or whatever.

Lucky for you to be able to do that eh.

if I was to be videoed in the background of a video of, say, my grandchild’s nativity, I’d have to ask the parent to delete the video. And if they didn’t do that, and prove it, I’d have to phone the police.
because that’s what they just advised. If that happens phone 999. So thank you op for making me ask their advice on this - so at least I know what to do in the event where someone rides roughshod over my wishes.

ETA. If I was videoed I’d just ring the police having had their advice I’d just ring them and they could deal with you as they saw fit.

I have a right to be kept safe and I have various things and various legal protections in place.

I don’t understand why anyone would want to ride roughshod over that.

Yes I understand that, but what I'm saying is in my exact case there is no risk. I'm not saying that the school has to think of it that way or that everyone who films won't put it on SM. What I'm saying is that the actual video I took poses no risk to anyone.

We've had that situation happen. Mum was caught. Headteacher went over to speak to her which caused lots of people to look over to see what was going on. Mum's child on stage started crying and had to be taken off. So she ruined it for herself and her son!

How do I know that?