Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

Yup.

There was a situation in a Fife secondary school - it's all in the public domain - where a headteacher's husband filmed during a school show.

He went to prison for assaulting a child. It was front page news at the time - parents were distraught.

And also this. If I saw you filming my child I would need to then get up in front of everyone and ask you to stop and then go to the school about it which would be humiliating for me and your entitlement put me in that shitty position and would essentially 'out' my child as being a child at risk because obviously that's not something I discuss with other people to protect his privacy.

By doing this you're inadvertently saying to any less scrupulous parents around you that it's ok to ignore the rule. It creates an environment where people feel more able to give it a go because they're less likely to be pulled up on it, and that increases the risk of someone doing it and it going wrong. Plus filming makes you look dodgy in front of teachers and the more sensible parents.
Creating an environment that's safe for all children is a joint effort and you need to play your part.

No. The school adopts a rule against photos. Fine. As I keep saying, I can see a good reason for that which has nothing to do with safety, it just makes the event more enjoyable for everyone because there are no cameras, phones or iPads being held up.

But that’s nothing to do with consent. There is no right not to be photographed. A parent cannot say “I object because I never consented to my child being photographed.” It’s stupid to try to demand that.

Also. Me being filmed will hurt me.

as soon as I realise I will freak out, have a panic attack, and im
likely to spiral and self harm. Even thinking about it my anxiety is spiking.

so don’t say filming people who have not consented or who you have been told not to film doesn’t hurt them.

Also. if my daughter is raped due to your video, that is harm. You cannot guarantee that video won’t be hacked and sent round. You just can’t.

I knew a woman who has to move her DD from the nursery she was settled in as another parent took a video and that video was seen by “just a couple of people” one happened to know the dad of the child and told him. For their safety she had to remove her child and where they lived all because of one stupid parent who couldn’t follow rules. Dad was violent btw

In a private space there can indeed be a rule against filming and the people who do can be asked to leave.

how will the op feel if she is banned from future events for not obeying the rules? Or her child is banned from participating?

I wish our school had the no filming/photos rule. Nothing more annoying than trying to watch your child at the Christmas concert and having phones up filming in front of you. And the flashes from photos nearby.

And also op that then endangers YOUR child should they be exposed to a nasty altercation at the school gates when that parent rocks up and tries to enter the school to get their kid. Or sees the video of your child someone else posted on a public page and now knows their class and school. These actions have consequences and while you may feel they are unlikely, this thread is good evidence it's more quietly common than you think and the consequences are severe.

A bit of a stretch. And a very depressing outlook tbh. If you have ever taken a photo of your child and shared it anywhere, even just with family then you are taking this risk. What are we meant to do, never have photos of our kids ever because bad people exist in the world?
I don’t think op was right but that’s more because the failed to adhere to a rule that’s there to protect everyone because of course there will be some dickheads who don’t understand safeguarding and will share it to the masses online.
But what op did was not a risk.

You know this, how?

And if it's true, then their safeguarding is appalling

Very true, our school musical always has phones held up blocking people's view in the audience , so inconsiderate

But if we are to believe op then she isn’t doing any of these things. Entitled, yes. Risky, no.

Why can you not just follow the school rule? Does it matter what the reason is? They’ve asked you not to do something so why can’t you respect that?

What are your teaching your kids here? That it’s ok not to follow school rules because it’s not the same as the previous school rules.

Blanket bans are often made because parents like you can’t be trusted. If they let you film but say no SM, there will be a parent just like you that thinks the rules don’t apply so will post to their private Facebook.

Your husband works offshore. He’s going to miss stuff, thats just the way it is. But that doesn’t give you the right to break the rules.

As a foster carer of children who had to move schools and indeed a foster placement due to other parents filming after been asked not to, I just wanted to thank you for understanding.

I do understand parents wanting photos - of course I do, I like them of my own children and grandchildren BUT as a foster carer there is so much I cannot say about the risks. And if I even used the words on here I would be accused of being overly dramatic. But other parents wanting photos is on one side, and on another is the child not even allowed out of the classroom for nativities/school plays (or outings with friends or birthday parties when of course numerous photos are taken) because these parents will continue to film or record whatever the teachers say.

Can't you buy a recording of it from the school? It's not the best thing to do and unfair because others don't but doesn't bother me. X

Did you read what happened?

How do you know the same won't happen where you are?

You don't know that,

It's absolutely not a stretch the police are inundated with this at the moment. It's absolutely fucking depressing. When my ex was investigated it took over a year for his device to even be searched because the backlog of cases involving devices to be checked is so large they can't keep up. Its extremely concerning. I work in safeguarding and in the last month I've supported 5 families affected by this. If you think it's a stretch then you really need to better inform yourself.

You're completely right that's a risk people take when they share images of their kids online. Which is why so many parents, myself included, choose not to. You also need to be actively on top of what apps are on your phone and how they utilise your camera roll. Parents have got to be able to make informed choices around this in order to safeguard their children as different children will be at different levels of risk. Op is essentially taking away the ability to make any choice from them by taking it into her own hands. The very fact the school has said no recordings/ photos means there was most likely someone on stage/ in the audience who's at risk. We have no way to know who is/ is not harmful or uninformed around online safety which is why parents need to be able to work together and adhere to these rules.

Wow so selfish and dismissive of others. The school will be blamed if this did get out.

I asked about the camera roll but I don’t think the op has replied. See also auto saving to the cloud.

I don’t disagree with you about following the rules. If I go anywhere that says ‘no photography’ I obey it. And I think everyone should.

But it’s depressing that so many people have fallen into the delusion that they - not the school, but they - can veto everyone else’s wish to take pictures of their own child in a school play just because Mr and Mrs Paranoid’s kid is in the same shot. It’s not true. There is no such right.

Of course if there’s a child at risk the school should take steps to protect them. But that is not why schools ban photos, except in rare cases.

With the little boy we have at school, in these circumstances, we stand a member of staff next to him for all these sorts of events. Your job is solely to make sure he’s on the edge (without making it obvious to him or anyone else) and be hyper vigilant for cameras. You can then either redirect him or put yourself in front of him.

The key is it’s unobtrusive. The only way of managing it in a play is either no photos or he’s not able to
do it.

Because I haven't sent the video to a single person.

Horrible and disrespectful thing to do
Friend divorced violent partner who
Happened to see picture of child in nativity school scene a borough away in local newspaper
Eventually was found out he'd been following her from the school to where she
lived after he broke into her home and beat her to a pulp
He's back in prison
She's brain damaged/stroke
Enough said?