Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

I don’t make the rules up.
But we used to discuss this as part of our yearly safeguard training when I was teaching. I was simply answering the question you asked.

Then he misses out.

This was me once upon a time.

But don't worry, op will not upload to social media.

Makes me feel loads better, not.

TBH, I think the great majority of schools impose a ban on filming plays just because it’s become the norm, on the spurious basis of data protection. Parents have become deluded into thinking they can prevent their child being photographed and the schools go along with it for an easy life.

The likelihood of there being a risk to a child being recognised in a nativity scene by a weirdo ex is very, very low.

I’ve never heard of photo bans at sports days or on school trips, though maybe some schools have even gone that far now. Every person who goes into a shop or gets on a bus is likely to be filmed. We don’t worry about hackers getting into shops’ or bus companies’ servers.

it seems to me many people on this thread aren't aware of reverse image searching.
My adopted DC looked so much like a birth relative I think you could have put in a photo of relative and come up with DC had they been online.
If this was on a photo tagged X Primary nativity then simple. Even if not tagged it takes one reference on the related facebook to the school and you have the school located.

It’s schools policy to protect vulnerable children. It should be respected. Abusive parents are far more likely to be on the lookout for pictures of locals schools so they can find the kids than a random pic of a football field. Though you’ll probably find that consent was sought prior to printing that pic if the person was under 18 and are recognisable in it. Our running club has a blanket policy of no pics of under 18s to be posted without express parental consent. My dd is 20 and a coach contacted me to ask for permission to post her photo as he thought she looked under 18.

safeguarding children is everyone’s job.

I did say I could be wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️, but it’s not really that unusual on this site to recognise someone who is a prolific poster who posts very specific and detailed aspects of their, and their families lives. Especially when one has such, well, strong and unique attitudes on things.

That aside, whether you are actually the person I’m thinking of or not, the fact still stands that what you did was fundamentally wrong, pig-headed and selfish, and your refusal to see this as a grown adult with the background you have given us on this thread displays quite an uneducated and bullish personality.

And if when it is discovered by the school, I doubt very much that you will have such conviction in your actions when they either ban you, or further performances by the children (or, possibly, just your daughter’s year group).

Quite!

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility.
Imagine if people started taking home classified documents because "they weren't going to show anyone". It only takes one slip up to cause a lot of damage.

I think you should discuss it with the school. Our school allows filming and pictures but absolutely no posting to social media which is fine because who does that anyway 😵‍💫

Ok, point taken.

Well for a start, extremely vulnerable/protected children tend not to be sat front and centre in high profile public events where there are likely to be TV cameras (especially if it’s down to something as high risk as witness protection, which I agree is less common), and even if they are, it’s unlikely that they will a. Be wearing their school uniform, and b. Be likely to be in that place Monday-Friday 9-4 during term time, and therefore easily have their daily routine stalked to make nefarious contact by someone wishing to do so.

Did you not read the poster upthread whose child(ren) aren’t allowed to be outside even in school uniform, and there are special measures in place to allow them to enter and exit their school covertly. This is why (one of myriad reasons), their schools should be the one place outside of their home where they are least at risk, made to feel most safe, and most certainly NOT filmed covertly by any Tom, Sarah or Jennifer with a fucking iPhone 16!

No. I'm aware there's an adopted child at my DC school who was removed from an abusive home. The adoption was contested, and for the child's safety their whereabouts must be kept offline.

Sometimes you have to put others needs ahead of your wants.

I'm a member of school staff and would have been visible on any video taken.

I do NOT give my permission!

Why do you think they ban the taking of videos and photos at all? If a complete stranger was doing it and you told them they're not supposed to - but they made the argument the OP does here - would you jsut say, "OK, crack on, then"?

This must be so worrying for some other parents who have reason to expect the rules will be adhered to.
And images of children can be used for nefarious purposes.

Slim, but not zero. You are potentially putting someone else's child in danger.

I'm surprised you got away with it. We are very vigilant, and I've been known to stop other people from filming if in the audience.

Obviously these posters are not aware of any vulnerable children and the potential risk to their safety. But hey ho, as long as they get a photo, eh

My kids’ school allows filming and photographs despite the fact that there are many children not allowed to be on social media at our school. If the school post photos, they blank the faces of those children out. If the parents take photos, they’re not allowed to share the photos on social media (because we obviously do not know who does and does not have permission, unlike the school). I would be absolutely gutted if I couldn’t film my children in their plays/ at carol services etc. and I know most other parents would be too. How disappointing for you and completely understand you wanting to share that moment with your husband. I went to school with people whose location was hidden from criminals (names changed, relocated by police etc) and they therefore weren’t allowed to be photographed, that didn’t mean it affected the rest of the pupils (and their parents) at school. Filming and photography still took place. My eldest went to 3 primary schools and all allowed filming.

You've just admitted that you're doing it for the memory. You need to delete the video immediately and realise that it's not acceptable.

This is what bothers me, all the posters who are piling on me and calling me the worst of the worst would presumably be absolutely fine with it if the school allowed it but told parents not to put it on SM, even with pupils who can't be identified. The actual impact of me doing this is exactly the same as those schools.

But your child's school has asked you not to. Rules. For everyone.

Of course that's why I did it? Do you think I had nefarious reasons for doing it??

If I cared about seeing my child’s nativity, I’d manage my working life such that I could be there for it. Unless your Dh is in prison, even if he has to miss a year (deployment?), he needs to prioritise being a present and involved parent if he wants to see these things.

I worked away for years. Never missed a play or sports day or parents evening or assembly. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But as I've said they allow photos at other events where they cannot control who's in the background. So the reason can't be purely for safeguarding as it would have to be a ban on all events.