Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

Why do you need to think twice about it. Why can you just not do what you've been asked? Your sense of entitlement is off the scale.

Your child is going to have hundreds of events and special occasions throughout their childhood. Not everything needs to be filmed and it really is not the end of the world your husband not seeing a 20 second video or whatever of your child in a nativity play.

Yes.

So if I'd copied off someone else and filmed because they were doing it then it's their fault?

Probably because they had ensured any children who couldn’t be photographed/filmed weren’t in the area, @Dramatic.

If someone asked me not to film children, I’d abide quite strictly to that request. Regardless of the reason.

Theirs and yours, yes.

It would be your fault for your choice but also their fault for setting the scene that made that choice more likely.

Circumstances can change. A new child starts at the school, a child becomes vulnerable for any number of reasons. The school knows these things, you don't and they're not going to tell you.

But you will have signed a form stating you are ok with your dc being photographed at school and shared no? Parent helpers who are photographing children on a school trip on their own social media or even just sharing them with parents with no knowledge of which child has parental consent shouldn’t be allowed on school trips and I imagine most schools would come down hard on this regardless of consent.

My daughter is a teacher.

she’s the one who can’t be filmed.

because there is someone who I - not her - is at risk from as the belief is that he will try to murder me. Feel free to search my name.

her school being identified will put me at risk.

if you do it, someone else might do it too.

just. Obey. The damn. Rules.

What are the chances of winning the lottery?
Or getting g murdered?
Low I would think but it does happen.
Your entitlement is off the scale.
I hope you get caught and banned from all other shows.

You’d have an issue if that person who filmed it, showed it to their BF or neighbour, who happens to be a convicted paedophile and now has spotted your child and asked who they are and could now seek to target them, though, surely?

My DH had photos of our kids on his work desk and as a screen saver. Thought nothing of it. Sat next to a guy for 3 years. Chatted rugby, cricket and kids. One day the police arrived to interview my DH. The desk neighbour had been arrested, charged and found guilty of having 3000+ child pornography images [and additional, worse crimes] but had failed to appear for sentencing that day. Turned out he committed suicide by jumping in front of a tube train - but he had been gawping at our kids for years, played with them at the company’s family Christmas party the previous year - during which we could at any time have left him ‘holding the baby’ while we went to the loo or bar.

The company never held another family event after this, and my husband removed all images of our children from the office and his work laptop.

You never know who is a predator. They walk amongst us, sit beside us at the office and, yes, teach our kids. And you absolutely do not have the right to take illicit images of other children at these events - which is what you are doing. Even if you think you know your DH is safe, no-one else does.

Oh and she wasn’t vulnerable by virtue of a photograph until AFTER I was raped and assaulted so it’s quite possibly that she had a photo taken this time last year and it was fine.

things change you know.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

I can’t believe I’m having to explain this.

It probably means that there are no children with those particular sensitive issues on the register.

Totally unreasonable they have this rule for a reason, can’t stand it when people think ‘it doesn’t apply to me!’

Parents taking photos/ videos of sports day/ nativity plays and then showing others comes up all the time in safeguarding - there are some really vulnerable kids and adults/ teachers out there - its not all about you!!

I’m mentioned in every fucking MARAC meeting and one of the things that the police told us to do was scorch earth nuke our social media. Not just me but my close family.

wise up and just do what you’re asked.

If you were performing or presenting in work, you'd expect to be asked to be filmed. Some kids may have asked not to be filmed. Shouldn't that be considered and respected? It doesn't seem to me like the reasonable alternative is for the child to sit out so someone can film it.

I am not talking about parent helpers, I am talking about parents waving their kids goodbye and sharing photos on their social

"little x going on his first trip" kind of things
with random children next to theirs, and even more in the background.

I know my children are also on social media from parents I don't even know when they play sport, against another team. Parents take pics, post pics, and the opposite team (with my kids) are on the photos.

That you are aware and don't let your child join in sports, hobbies and clubs but the many photos taken around the school, sometimes in the school exist and circulate.

My point was that me having a photo of my child, which happens to have another child on it, is a non-issue but photos of our children are everywhere.

Kids wearing a school uniform which could not be any more identifying if you tried is something that always make me wonder if people actually care about safety.

Don't blame you. I find it bizarre. In 2018 we could take pictures all we liked and now we can't. What changed? Are there somehow more risks? No. Just more stupid blanket bans

YABU. You have been asked not to film and you should respect that. It could be for any number of reasons, but the school may not be able to give you any details.

I don’t think anyone on DDs register knows why she steps to one side when filming goes on - other than her headteacher.

because it’s no one else’s fucking business. Jesus Christ the night.

are people really this thick?

Maybe it's just that a different child is there or it could be a new policy in case such a child arrives. 2018 was a long time ago in the life of a primary school.

I’m not sure why you’ve asked as you’re clearly quite comfortable with your decision. I don’t think you should have, I think rules are there for a reason.

I know you are not sharing, but someone else might do. My child is adopted and because of her situation we were ok with pictures at school, but others might not be. And the excuse will always be but I'm only sharing with family. But her siblings were adopted closer to birth family so things were different. Pictures taken with them altogether did not have faces. Surnames and address were not shared. It's complicated and exhausting.

Our school rule with parent pictures was you can share if other children were blurred out, which is absolutely fine. I think you just have to understand that while you have the best intentions, the rule is there for everyone for a reason and you are not more special than anyone else

If you don’t film it, the risk is zero