Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

I appreciate you telling this story, it's definitely made me think twice about it.

Me too. On here almost 20yrs and don’t normally engage in threads like this where the op is so blinkered they cannot see an alternative point view.

Still think the school has access to far more information than the op and the school can decide what is safe for children whilst they are in their care. The op may well be decent and do the right thing but others will see her not so secretly recording and follow suit.

But op.isnt posting it anywhere, so what you are describing is completely different. Loads of schools, including my child's, allow you to video and take photos as long as it's not put on SM

That’s not really answering the question is it. Are you happy to be covertly filmed in an area where you’d have a reasonable expectation that you wouldn’t be? And do you think normalising covert filming in a school is an acceptable thing to do?

This.

Different schools, different context, different cohort... schools are required to make their own safeguarding decisions based on who they serve.

Covertly filming children is never a good idea, generally 🤣🤣
It reminds me of a hilarious one-star review I found of a local sports venue, where a guy had been asked to stop filming his child taking part with other children, so he then hid in a bush to continue filming and was very disgruntled that he was then asked to leave the venue 🤣🤣🤣

You could still go to the church they just couldn’t go on stage that one Sunday f the year

You would need to ask the school that. However, be prepared for a generic response regarding safeguarding, GDPR and permission not being given for some of the children to be photographed/videoed, even just for use within school.

You don't not know (or have any right to know) the personal circumstances of every child in the school. You say you only show your husband, but the school can't guarantee that will be the case so if they became aware of you recording would be right to tell you to stop.

When you look on face book at friends of friends, there are oftem people that you know, but for a different reason. Even if not shared on social media, and you just show one or two friends, you never know who else they know.

Exactly. My OH works at an inner London primary where there is a high level of social services and MASH intervention. It's not for OP to decide the level of risk at her child's school.

YABU

There is a blanket rule and it needs to be followed

Sure, you may be sneakily filming and have zero intention of posting on social media. But Suzie’s mum notices and thinks “she’s doing it so I’m going to do it too” and then posts it to her public Instagram, potentially putting a vulnerable child at risk. Several of my family work on cases with vulnerable children so I know how quick something like this can spread and cause harm.

Your selfishness, regardless of innocent intentions, will only encourage those who are more careless to break the rules too and put kids at risk.

Our preschool had a no filming rule and I am furious that I’ve already seen my little girl on another mums Instagram story.

Personally, I loved being able to fully appreciate my kids performance rather than watching it through a camera anyhow 🤷‍♀️

Filming children without consent is definitely wrong!!

What if they are caught filming by an unconcerned parent who then goes on to tell others that they saw x filming the show.

Word then spreads and then the vulnerable child has to be moved for safety precautions.

I do accept that but am I really responsible for what others do?

my DH also works offshore and is on a set rotation but I didn’t make a video for him because I’m not that selfish and I understand the risk to other children. God forbid your kids are never in a high risk situation.

but it's your child you are filming! Not some random.

In the UK, I don't believe it's illegal to film anyone in public places anyway - school is different.

We’re all responsible for safeguarding - if you breaking the rules encourages someone to do the same who’ll then share it, it puts kids at risk

Yes. That's why rules aren't individually tailored to suit each person's desires. Nobody is allowed to video or take photos and that's it.

Yes, I'm responsible for not doing anything that puts kids at risk (not sharing the video) but am I responsible for someone else putting a video on SM? Surely they would be responsible for that?

It's not a blockbuster movie, of course I would film. The chances of a kidnapper breaking into my home and hacking my phone to find details of another child are very very slim. If they knew I had the details at home, it would mean they know which school the child is in anyway!

I completely respect the need for safety and privacy, but let's be realistic. Me owing a photo or a badly recorded movie of my kid with other children in the background are not safety risk.

We take photos of the kids when they start school, finish school, during sports day, and plenty of school events. People are very vocal about nativity, but they seem to forget all the other occasions where photos circulate, and because no one mention them, these go on social media.

I have seen photos of my kids going on residential or school trips, because other parents took the coach , the arrival - I'd be more wary of those on public social media frankly.

Very much doubt that only one child is on stage at a time with absolutely no one else in the background of the shot

My DCs school allow you to record but their nursery didn’t, I didn’t record their nursery ones. I can see where you are coming from, it’s rubbish your DH can’t watch and it’s nice to have the memories, but I wouldn’t record if they said I couldn’t.

Setting an example that's suggests filming secretly is OK will encourage other people to do it - 'She's doing it so why can't I?'. Where does it end? I dont know why you cant see this.

Absolutely if you are the one leading the rule breaking!

This is a good point actually, my child posed with the teacher at the colour run for a photo (that I took) with plenty of kids in the background. At no point did the teacher say we couldn't take the photo.