Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

Next year your DH will need to have the day off work so he can attend in person.

Ok that is not what your originally post says. It implies blanket ban on everything.

I'd say even more reason not to do it. There is obviously a reason for the ban this time around.
Imagine being that parent of the child at risk and only allowed to take part if there is a ban. Then to watch other parent take a video ignoring the ban. Can you not see with what you have said about your ex, how that parent would then be feeling and the implications of you doing that? The potential risk you are placing that child at. Who likely wouldn't then be allowed to be involved in things as one parent chose to ignore the schools request. Yes you might not be intending on sharing with anyone other than you DH, but if the school let it go and the next time, it might not be someone just sharing for their DH. It might end up on social media and the at risk child is forced to move.

Was that parent ever told the consequences of their actions?

Because a condition of you attending is that you don’t sodding do it. You don’t need to know their reasons because you’re not being invited to assess them and decide whether or not they are reasonable. They’ve said a blanket ‘no’. If you’re operating a four year old’s policy of questioning everything every time someone tells you they don’t want you to do something, then very clearly, you are not mature enough to be trusted with a recording device and a roomful of children.

You are being horribly unreasonable and showing yourself to be a pathetic and deeply unpleasant person. You seem to genuinely believe your right to film your child is more important than another child’s safety??

Also why bother posting when you are ignoring everyone’s responses.

That you can respond in this way to the post by @Cuppatea1982 , which shows exactly why the rule is there, is appalling.

Some schools don’t have any children whose parents object to them being filmed - perhaps your child's old school was one of those. For all you know there may be several children in the current school in the position of @Cuppatea1982 's children. I’m sorry you and your older children suffered as you did, and I agree the school could be more accommodating by taking individual photos etc., but you are still showing enormous entitlement. And do you really think no-one else in the audience sees you breaking the rule?

The fact that you felt the need to ask the question here shows that deep down you know you are in the wrong.

I think the point that poster was trying to make was that anyone could have peado family members also viewing these videos. Not sure why that needs a facepalm???? It’s a valid point backed up by the evidence that she discovered her own brother was a peado.

I mean it's kind of obvious that one person doing it - and the people around you can see you doing it-means others then think 'well if she can do it so can I' and they aren't all only going to be showing the child's other parent, it will go on social media

we have videos of our DC in performances (yes we were allowed to take photos/videos) but it’s very rare we’d rewatch. Take a photo in his costume at home/let him sing his song.

If you were told not to film/photograph then there must be some vulnerable children in the school. Do you know much about safeguarding?

Sorry I meant a blanket ban on parents videos/photos. In fact we went to a class assembly performance last year and were told not to record. At the end they were taking their own photo of the class and the TA said to the teacher "does anyone not have permission for photos?" and the teacher replied "no they're all fine" so there was no actual reason why parents couldn't have taken photos.

My son has requested none of his pics from school/ clubs go on any social media and I would be fuming if any were on as I dont even put his pics on anything unless he consents when we are on days out/ holidays etc. Even when I am out and about and take a picture I make sure nobody is in the background.

Did you read any of my posts? An additional reason can also be because children perform far better to a sea of smiles than a sea of screens. Just be there and enjoy your child's moment. Clap along when needed, laugh at the jokes. In something as small as an assembly, they may even be able to make eye contact with you - lovely.

We have stopped doing class assemblies as they were no longer a positive experience for the children.

Honestly OP, it's parents like you I can't stand. Parents who have such staggering levels of entitlement they think that rules don't apply to them.

The point is that these rules exist for a reason. It's tough shit your husband works offshore. The reality of these jobs is that you miss out on things like nativity play. Your belief and desire to send a video to your husband doesn't make you an exception to these rules. And it doesn't matter if you're not sharing the videos with anyone or putting them on social media. All it takes is for one parent to see you're doing it, and for them to video and share it online and then a child who may be a safeguarding risk might have their identity exposed.

These rules exist for a reason. You are not above them whatever your reasons. Don't be so bloody obtuse, stupid and entitled and just follow them.

I agree. Can you imagine the stress a parent in that situation would feel seeing another parent filming their child? They'd be instantly worried where it would end up, but may not want to cause a scene by getting OP to stop because it would mean revealing their family's private circumstances. It's beyond selfish of OP to sit there and think, 'fuck everyone else, I'll film if I want to.'

Hmm.

So...How would you feel if someone in the audience filmed your child - just for their immediate family...and it turned out that someone in the immediate family was a paedophile? Unlikely, but not impossible.

I'm assuming that your filming does have images of other people's children?

Yeah I get that, I suppose that's a different debate though

Certainly possible 👍

No, you go ahead OP, you're clearly more important than everyone else, and what does it matter if there are serious life-changing consequences for other people - YOU'LL be alright.

You know what good on them. Our primary school was a nightmare with people holding their phones above their heads to film the whole bloody thing and no one could see any thing.
One time someone stood in the aisle behind the teacher it was so uncomfortable and distracting for parents and the children!
Our always let us take a picture of our child at the end on their own in their costume though.

And as said above, are you really that self centred and selfish you can't see the distress it might cause to a parent or guardian who might have a child under a safeguarding order to see you filming it despite being told too.

Quick question @Dramatic – do you wait until your DH is home to show him the video or do you send him the video to watch wherever he is working?

How do we know that you won’t post it?
We have a little boy in foster care whose family are looking for him. If they find him he’ll have to be moved, and fast.

As a school we say no photos or videos because we have absolutely no control over what happens to them - it would rely on everyone not being tempted to just post a short clip (he’s only in the background a bit..). Or I’ll just send it to granny, who can’t see the harm in posting it on to her social media…

And that’s assuming we’ve given out personal information about this child to everyone so they understand- we haven’t. So most parents wouldn’t know which child to keep out of shot.

I do understand it seems unfair. But at the same time, if your daughter has a parent keen enough to attend, then she’s already massively winning at life compared to this little boy. Why should someone like him either be put at risk or excluded through no fault of his own? His life is hard enough.

No pictures helps keep him safe, even if you don’t know it.

I guess there could well be a peadophile actually sat watching the performance too.

It does, kids from her class, but it's very obviously focussed on my child.

For every person like you, OP there’s always going to be that one that secretly films the event……..and plasters it all over SM! The rules are there for the protection of the children.

I personally think you would be best asking if school could record it and see if they can put an emoji over the children's faces who do not have permission to be on social media. That's the best compromise in my opinion not secretly recording.