Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

I’ve just given you a logical method for that video getting out into the world of the internet.

Also if you happen to use something that rhymes with pick pock. You are basically handing your entire life to another country.

If there is a specific circumstance that means it is unique and needed you should work with the school to meet that need, not ignore their rules. I once had a pupil extremely ill in hospital who was gutted to miss prizegiving. We organised for just my portion of it to be filmed by a member of school staff and sent to her directly. Only I was in shot but her needs were met.

Working with your school to ask if photos of the children in their costumes could be taken would be a reasonable request as any children in need could be taken separately. That is very different from ignoring the school.

It's not logic, it's narcissism. People just don't like to listen to actual narcissism.

You can't bank on that. You have mentioned a few unusual details.

Descartes you ain’t.

I don't and I absolutely would never post it on there.

It is just not one rule for one and one for others. Obviously people cannot “self certify” that they are fine to break a rule designed to protects kids - because some people are not fine to do it! I doubt this thread will change your mind though, so not sure why you posted

I’m sure the OP would be very vocal if a school parents wants were trumping her own dc’s wants in the school
environment due to safety concerns.

Yes YABU for all the reasons set out on this thread.

Just take a pic of your son in his outfit or a video of him doing his lines at home or singing a carol at home and send that to your DH.

If the school catch you doing this I’d be surprised if they let you back in, it’s a massive safeguarding issue. Either they’ll ban you from future performances or confiscate all phones. And they’d be right to do so.

It is definitely wrong but in all honesty I’d do the same if our school banned it 🤷‍♀️

And @Dramatic , aside from the fact that 1) the rest of the parents don't know you and/ or your DH aren't pervs, and 2) you're making it easier for the actual paedos to get away with also filming, and 3) omg teachers despise this shit - do you really want to be the one secretly filming other people's kids???

Paedos now? 🤦‍♀️

As I said elsewhere as a foster carer one child we look after cannot be seen outside in school uniform, or entering or exiting a school. There are things put in place to make being followed more unlikely (not impossible of course) and certain areas and towns where they are not allowed to go. And when out and about there are other safeguards and protection put in place. It is an incredibly high risk case. No one of course would know any of this but some parents do think the wish to record or photograph school events trumps this. Neither the school, Children's Services or ourselves can explain of course. We just have to hope the parents are decent enough to do as the school ask in not taking any photos or videos. But one parent did and the child had to be removed from the school for their own protection.

It is so sad to me that now this child cannot take part in school performances, sports days and anything that other parents are present at, because we can never be sure there won't be a parent who will again feel their right to take photos/videos is paramount.

So the OP doesn't think they are wrong, and they are too selfish and entitled to even contemplate the ramifications of other people knowing that she does this and copying her, and who might not be as careful as she is.

It's a horrible attitude to have, but one many people wear as a badge of honour and apply to every area of their lives.

I will guarantee the OP is this selfish and ignorant and other areas of her life as well.

Why are you even asking this? I don't get the point. You've done it. Ridiculous.
And no, I don't think you should.

My kids school allows filming. My kids dance school doesn’t. Why? So they can sell you the show for £20 a pop. You bet I film it on the sly

This actually reminds me of the episode in Motherland where they went away for the weekend and Amanda was happy to let her dc eat whatever they wanted for breakfast despite all the other parents wanting the dc to have a normal breakfast and she told the parents basically to chill out and to parent their own dc and then later that day Amanda wanted to stop all the kids going on the trampoline because she didn’t want her ds going on it 😂😂

OP is your name Amanda?

Ok, I accept that there are reasons that some children cannot be filmed. I still maintain that my video doesn't pose any risk because I haven't shared it. I do understand that others may see me doing it and take their own videos, but if they did and then shared them on SM I don't think that's my fault, I can't control what others do.

I think the schools blanket ban is a little bit unfair and I will speak to them to see if any compromise can be made, them taking videos or pictures for example.

It’s just one of many, Meta also has significant global access to photos by default. Which owns WhatsApp, FB and IG. You don’t need to post anything on these apps. Once you’ve given the data permissions

Your DH might be fine. But if other mothers secretly filmed it for their partners, who knows how trustworthy their partners are?

The school has made a decision based on their assessment of risk.

If you don't like it, take your child out and put them in a school that takes a different decision.

I don't know why you think you're special. Let alone what you're teaching your children.

The problem with filming is that some people are idiots and will post on social media regardless or share it widely even if asked not to. Some cohorts of parents are better than others. School cohorts vary as well. If everyone was sensible then it wouldn’t be an issue, but they’re not. Hence schools often have different rules. I’m leaving aside the whole little kids seeing a forest of phones.

The problem with doing it secretly is that you’ve been asked not to for what ever reason and that needs to be respected. As parents we’re not in possession of all the facts and can’t be in possession of them. The best way forward is to talk to the school and work with them to find a solution.

You'll find that threat is more important to the guardians of that child, above your desire to show your husband the video. Their need trumps yours. YABVVU.

Rules are rules
I hoped you immediately deleted the recording once he viewed it.

Unfortunately in this day and age you must think of others too.
My friends daughter is under a court protection order and even though I was invited to see a ‘private performance’ of a music project giving certain vulnerable individuals the freedom to express themselves I had to be approved to attend and my bag had to stay in the school office.

Honestly don't know why you've posted in AIBU because you clearly don't think you are and aren't going to be swayed by any one else's opinion.

You sound entitled and smug and the worst kind of school gate parent. I hope the school catches you filming next year and sanctions you accordingly. They don't ban filming for no good reason.

Some schools seem to manage it much better (recording but warned not to share it, recording it themselves or taking photos so you can get a copy)

I've always liked the idea of schools providing their copies, but too many who warn parents not to put it on social media have found that some parents' brains fall out when faced with that little glowing screen, and they're full of excuses like a barn's full of bats