Christmas dinner invite taken back due to grown up sons hissy fit

[Darkcat]

Earlier this year, I was invited to spend Christmas Day with my partner’s family. That invitation was made months ago, and I’d been planning around it.

Recently, however—just a week before Christmas—one adult member of the family has decided they don’t want me present and has pushed for the invitation to be withdrawn. On top of that, they’ve also stated that I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives.

This has left me in a difficult position. With such short notice, it’s too late to make alternative plans, especially as my own child has already arranged to spend the holidays elsewhere.

I’m struggling with whether it’s unreasonable to expect my partner to stand up for me and say that I should still be included, particularly given that I haven’t caused any conflict or done anything to justify this reaction. At the moment, it feels like the situation is being allowed to continue without challenge, despite the fact that everyone involved is an adult.

I’m thinking this tbh, in the absence of any actual explanation.

Doesn't sound as if your partner thinks that much of you either.

Who is actually hosting?

How long have you been together?

What is the situation with the son‘s mother?

& did the son actually know you were coming before (have you discussed it with him?) or is it possible your partner “forgot” to mention and he’s just found out now?

For a start I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas where I wasn’t wanted, or wouldn’t be made welcome.
I would be asking you partner WTF is going on, no one just decides this close to Christmas, to throw a spanner in the works without reason
He may be his son, but he’s a grown assed man, and this seems rather fitting behaviour for a stroppy teen who isn’t coming to terms that their parents are split up.

I’d be considering if this man is someone who you want to be part of your life, if so then this has to be resolved, if not, then stay home. Cook your favourite food, watch what you want on TV, go for a long walk and visit friends.
At 28 his son ca has an opinion but seems a bit odd that he’s dictating who is invited, and worse still, demanding an invite is taken back

It’s another one of those ‘pulling teeth’ threads, I think.

28?! Time for the manbaby to grow up. Unless it's his house he doesn't get to say who his father has there. He can also suck up Christmas for one single day, unless there's stuff you're not telling us like you making unpleasant comments about him or his mother or something...it sounds slightly odd and like there must be another side to the story, tbh.

Well your partner can decide who he spends xmas with and who is welcome at his home.
His decisions would then affect my decision on whether I remained in the relationship

If your partner doesn’t back you on this one you should dump him - it woukd be different if his son was 5 or so but 28!!!!

Length of relationship?
Think I’d probably still go unless of course the ‘invitation’ is actually withdrawn, as everyone is an adult & capable of being in a room with folk they aren’t passionately in love with?

Are you sure this is coming from the DS?

Maybe your Boyfriend has changed his mind and is using his son as an excuse?

He may think that's less awkward than telling you he's changed his mind?

Sounds like it was an event hosted at your boyfriends parents house so not sure you can object too much if they've changed their minds.

I wouldn't go uninvited to his parents house! That probably wouldn't go down well.

DP is a bit stuck in the middle really isn’t he . I would hope that he splits his day between his family and you at least if it’s not too far away .

You’ve not really given much away but I think it’s unlikely he can resolve his sons issue with you in time for Christmas .

I can see why DPs parents would side with their grandson over their sons gf

How old are you op?

it can be pretty difficult for sons/daughters if they are the same age as their parents girl/boyfriend.

also, it clearly isn’t ‘nothing’. What you mean is ‘you don’t know what the reason is’ but there will be a reason.

this is bigger than Christmas.

Why does the son get to decide if uou can go to your partner’s house? What does DP say?

Question - do you live with your partner or is this a boyfriend situation? If you live together are you saying that partners adult son is telling you to move out? In which case, he needs to be the one to move. If it's a boyfriend situation, presumably this means adult son is saying dad can't have you to his house? Why is adult son dictating who dad can socialise with? Does adult son own dad's house? Either way while adult son may be the catalyst for the current debacle, you have a dear partner problem here as he won't stick up for you.

“they’ve also stated that I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives”

That’s not their decision to make - only your partner gets a say in who can come to his house. How ridiculous. Your partner should be telling the family member this.

Depending on how long you have been together your partner really should have your back on this and if he doesn't then I would be rethinking if this is a relationship I want to invest any more time in.

With regards to Christmas day, I know it's hard but you don't have to find something to do or somewhere to go. I have had many Christmases alone before meeting dh. I got myself some nice food in and basically chilled all day. It might not be what you want or something which is familiar to you but if you are able to stop worrying that you have to find somewhere to go and plan your own day, the calmer you will feel about all of this. Hope that doesn't sound harsh it is not meant to.

I agree.

Does your partner have to spend the entire day with his son? Can he split his time between the two of you?

How is someone who is not even hosting either inviting or uninviting you??

It's not just the DS is it, it's your partner's parents too, otherwise they would have told him to pipe down. They're in it together. Not sure how your partner can win if it's 3 against 1.

I bet son thought he was going to GPs "as normal" and has very recently discovered that this relative stranger will be there too....and oh yes, whilst we're at it I don't much like having a stranger in my home either.

I think it highly likely this has come about because of something DP did (or didn't) do, which is why he can't explain it to OP

28 😬 how embarrassing.
I wouldn't go where I wasn't wanted -I'd rather spend the day alone watching TV and going for a nice walk. How you move forward with being in a relationship with someone whose "kid" hates you I don't know. It's a deal breaker for me, I just couldn't be arsed with the drama.

So many questions. It’s hard to comment on whether or not yabu until you’ve answered some of them!

I would expect my DP to tell them all he's decided to have Christmas with me, no drama then, he can pop in and see them.

Drip drip drip

So its not even going to be in dp house? Its his parents house and their grandson is having a fit