Christmas dinner invite taken back due to grown up sons hissy fit

[Darkcat]

Earlier this year, I was invited to spend Christmas Day with my partner’s family. That invitation was made months ago, and I’d been planning around it.

Recently, however—just a week before Christmas—one adult member of the family has decided they don’t want me present and has pushed for the invitation to be withdrawn. On top of that, they’ve also stated that I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives.

This has left me in a difficult position. With such short notice, it’s too late to make alternative plans, especially as my own child has already arranged to spend the holidays elsewhere.

I’m struggling with whether it’s unreasonable to expect my partner to stand up for me and say that I should still be included, particularly given that I haven’t caused any conflict or done anything to justify this reaction. At the moment, it feels like the situation is being allowed to continue without challenge, despite the fact that everyone involved is an adult.

You don’t.

Are you a parent?

Presuming it was the OP’s turn for her DD to spend Christmas with her, instead the DD chose to go to her fathers hours away.

i would be concerned about that. You wouldn’t 🤷‍♀️

None of your business. And you are presuming that her daughter chose to go to her father's even though it was her turn - nothing to substantiate this at all

Don't tell me what I would or wouldn't be concerned about. You've just made up a scenario and presented it as fact

Typical mumsnet

If he is old. His son is 28. Why would he be automatically considered as old

Is that right? Yes. You're right about everything.

I'll be posting no more after your comments about whether I have kids or not. Rude as hell

I would end the relationship ASAP

I don’t think I would continue in this relationship OP.

What’s the back story ?

Oh that’s hard on you! So if his son is 28 and your daughter is only 9 are you quite a bit younger than your partner? I’m wondering if his son wasn’t too bothered before because he thought you wouldn’t be around at Xmas but now that your daughter is going to her dads he’s feeling pressure to invite you too?
Really harsh, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a back story either.
How long have you been together?

I imagine that if you're divorced & civilised, you put your child wishes above your own.
Why so many MNetters see everything as suspicious & odd is what is actually weird.

I’ve had positive interaction with this his son until recently he took a dislike to me with no reason given to me by my partner who just told me he doesn’t like me anymore

I’ve not RTFT and I don’t know what others have commented but this comment ring huge alarm bells for me.

Very strange thing for your partner to say and I’d be wondering if there’s something else at play here. ie. your partner doesn’t want you around his dcs for some reason.

How long have you been together?

I’ve had experience of being with a guy who seemed like the loveliest person on earth and turned out to be a pathological liar so I am very, very aware (unfortunately) that sometimes when things don’t make sense, it’s because there’s another reason for it which is completely at odds to what you think it may be.

My heart goes out to you original commenter & I just don't comprehend how some families can be so unitedly cold, heartless & unfeeling 😢
This is heartbreaking
I've only just seen your message now but see from the votes in there's numerous souls supporting you, as it most surely, should be, sincere soul
Really hope some have given you some comforting most deserved guidance 💚
Take extra great care of your lovely self

I know, right? And how does she know his name's John too?

I think it is very likely that DP has been given a reason (whether justifiable or bullshit) and he is trying to protect your feelings by not sharing it - which I imagine would mean it isn't something you've done and can apologise for rather than an opinion.
How awful!

His son is 28 and living at home 😬
I would expect my DP not to leave me alone for Christmas, especially as Christmas isn't at his sons home it's at DPs parents (though they must be pushing 70 at least why is it at theirs?!) So there isn't the matter of you being in 'his space'.

Son is old enough to have a Christmas without his dad cos he's with his grandparents so not alone.
However, I would expect DP to make this decision without my asking.
I don't mean 'no its fine I don't mind being alone' and holding it against him kind of moping. Or him saying 'are you sure you don't mind' and you saying it's fine when it's not.
I'd literally say 'well I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable at Christmas so I won't go to your parents if I'm no longer welcome' and let him come forward and offer.
And if he doesn't, unless he's got a good explanation like an ill parent, that'd be it for me. I don't expect to be put ahead of someone's KIDS but when they are a grown adult with no real reason then I'd expect some defence. Even if that's just 'I'll come round let's have dinner after I've seen my parents in the morning'.

In my opinion, not having dinner alone is the main bit.

Not necessarily. As I said earlier the dad could have had kids young and the OP not

I've clearly missed something. One poster calling me out for no reason whatsoever.

How long have you been with DP and were you the reason his marriage broke up? If so, his son is unlikely to want you around for Xmas or any other family event.

I wouldn't go as you're not wanted there by your DP's son so it would be uncomfortable for everyone involved.

You weren't planning on doing anything yourself when you agreed to let your daughter spend Xmas at your former partner so why not go with that or ask your DP to spend Xmas with you?

I can't imagine wanting to go somewhere that I knew for a certainty I was not wanted. I'd have a nice, calm and peaceful Christmas Day alone with no responsibilities.

Right. There's definitely information missing here.

I wonder based on the ages of your DC if maybe there is a large age gap between you and your partner and you are closer in age to his son? I only ask as that is a common thing that causes issues like this.