Christmas dinner invite taken back due to grown up sons hissy fit

[Darkcat]

Earlier this year, I was invited to spend Christmas Day with my partner’s family. That invitation was made months ago, and I’d been planning around it.

Recently, however—just a week before Christmas—one adult member of the family has decided they don’t want me present and has pushed for the invitation to be withdrawn. On top of that, they’ve also stated that I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives.

This has left me in a difficult position. With such short notice, it’s too late to make alternative plans, especially as my own child has already arranged to spend the holidays elsewhere.

I’m struggling with whether it’s unreasonable to expect my partner to stand up for me and say that I should still be included, particularly given that I haven’t caused any conflict or done anything to justify this reaction. At the moment, it feels like the situation is being allowed to continue without challenge, despite the fact that everyone involved is an adult.

Hi op,

So, if I get this right…your partner has adult children and parents…dp was to go to his parents for Xmas where his children will be too…
First you were invited and no longer is because adult son said no?

Honestly if dp invited without consulting host and his children…well, that was not done taking in consideration anyone else’s feelings…hence the fit. My bet is the son took a dislike when he was told you were coming and not asked. It should be the other way around so it works really…

About your dp’s home…well…he can do what he wants really but if he is old and his children take a stand…that might get rocky quickly. Yes, he should defend you but he might not want the confrontation…

It isn’t on a good start…

It's not your partners son who should be issuing ultimatums about whether you are allowed in your partners house going forward - and if your partner is ok with this - there's really no future for the pair of you

I suspect the adult son sees a hefty inheritance going down the drain if the relationship continues.

Your partner is your partner. He should be standing together with you. If you aren't welcome, he isn't welcome.
I know if doesn't work like that though, in my past experience.
It's time for you to have a "sissy fit" and ask your partner if he really is your partner.

I think you should stay away until they resolve their owwn issues...

Depends. People have to accept that, for kids, as a step-parent, they will always hate your guts, no matter what you do. Especially if you caused the break-up of their parents marriage. Also, if the DS has his own mum there at Xmas, and even his gran, ie his mum’s mother. The absolute last person he will want is you. And why would you think that’s ok? How do you think Christmas Day goes with you sat at the table between the mother & grandmother? How do you think the conversations go? “Oh well I knew John was loaded & spent all my time seducing him, he brought me all the jewellery I’m wearing today, I spent all my time in bed with him slagging off his wife & her horrible family, Ohhhh it’s you! So sorry, pass me the gravy, don’t spill anything on my designer gear that John took out a loan to pay for”

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER

Omg
obviously your partner should be sticking up for you!
A 28 year old shouldn’t be dictating who visits his Dads home or who comes to Xmas

It's troubling that your partner's son is dictating what happens and it's equally troubling that your partner didn't immediately object on your behalf.

Least of all because he knows you've made plans for your daughter to be away and would be on your own if you didn't attend...

More information is needed. What's the backstory?

Probably a huge omission like the OP is Rachel Reeves (yeah, I wouldn't want her at my Christmas table neither).

Who said she caused the break up of his parents marriage? Sorry. Your post is ridiculous. Full of made up tosh to suit your own narrative - the OP knew he was loaded and seduced him - who said he was loaded?

She also isn't a step parent. They aren't married

And there are plenty kids adult or otherwise who don't hate step parents

You sound very bitter

OP has been uninvited. The time for the DP to do something has passed. It should have been addressed between father and son and never reached OP. OP has been shown her DP's character and feelings. She needs to decide if she wants to continue with the relationship.

The OPs son is also 28 - not a child. It's not up to him to make demands as to who comes into his father's house at Christmas. If it were his house fair enough - but it's not. And to state she's not allowed in the house going forward - I pity someone with that attitude.

Exactly this. I don't see a way back from this now.

OP - I hope you have a good Christmas even if you have to spend it on your own. Better that than around people who don't want you there

Good grief, have you been on the sherry? Why do you think she’s the OW? There’s nothing to suggest any of the things you’re claiming.

Slightly concerned that my post hasn’t been linked to @nicewoman which is who I was responding to! I’m hopeless at this….

No there isn't.

You have to quote the post and comment

My primary concern would be fact that my 9 year old didn’t want to spend Christmas (possibly even live, the op isn’t clear about that) with me and would rather be with her father, hours away.

Because possibly they take it in turns to have the child at Christmas. Which can also be part of custody agreements.

if you read the OPs post about it….

my DD Is 9 and she decided earlier this year she would go to her dads as he lives quite a distance so she’ll be there over the Christmas holidays

This.

Stay home in your pj’s, watch movies, text friends and family, eat whatever you like, and call it a day. Why worry yourself about this?

She wants to spend time with her dad. I don't see that as a huge issue

Maybe because her partner doesn't have her back over this