Difference in how colleagues are being treated

[sickofbeingjudged]

One of my colleagues was sent home this week due to period cramps and feeling unwell.

I’ve mentioned to my manager that I feel really unwell - my period, I think I’ve got a mild flu, I’m exhausted and really lightheaded. I was told to get a drink of water and crack on. AIBU to think this is unfair?

Just go home if you're unwell.

There's a lot of variables so it doesn't necessarily mean people are being treated differently.

Welcome to the world of work. However many 'diversity, inclusion and equality' shitty courses and bold statements are made, I would say almost every workplace has people who are treated better than others.
Human nature sadly

Where on earth do you work that you have to get "sent home" if you're ill?

If I am ill at work I tell my manager I am not feeling well, I don't do into details, and TELL them that I'm going home.

We’re both healthy women.

It is unfair, it’s a long time since I worked in an environment like this (in schools no one is sent home 😂) but I remember what you’re describing very well. I think it’s often the ones that have had occupational health or union support and have kicked up a fuss previously that get treated preferentially. For example, if you have disclosed to occ health that you have heavy periods then your manager will know that you have a ‘condition’ whilst those who just battle through are expected to just do that. I have exceptionally heavy periods and can’t access the toilet very often so I have to wear a tampon, pad and then period pants / nappy style thing every month for 2 days! Feeling like I’ll throw up where as someone are calling in with a migraine (which I get is awful as I have had them) regularly and it’s accepted because it is ongoing. I think if you’re ill then you should just say that you need to go home. I know why you’re hesitant though because it’ll be treated as an occasion of absence where as someone with an existing condition that they have reported as ongoing will get more leeway.

If you need to go home say you're unwell and go home.

Why are you all telling your manager about your periods? Strikes me as very 15 year old school girl trying to get out of PE.

You are an adult. If you are unwell, you make the decision to go home and inform your boss.

Does one of you take more time off generally than the other?
Like others have said, if you are unwell, say you are going home.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. The system is the way it is to protect some people (rightly) but many abuse it and it is a bit sickening tbh.

My manager asked why I looked so miserable and I explained how I’m feeling.

I don’t know about the other, but I’ve never had a day off at this job.

You think.

You don't actually know about your colleagues medical history.

Other variables depend on the job and individual workloads.

If it's shop-work/hospitality for instance and it's quiet, a manager might think yeah it's quiet I can lose a worker whereas someone else might be on a busier shift where it would cause problems to lose a member of staff.

Or in other jobs a worker may be able to say 'I feel crap but don't have anything pressing to do' whereas another worker might have a lot of important things to do which would fall to someone else.

And what the colleague did or said. Your OP suggests you 'mentioned' not feeling great, maybe your colleague directly said 'I'm unwell so I'm going home'.

Disagree. We need to get away from periods being considered unmentionable in the workplace. They’re part of life for 50% of the population.

Sometimes managers attitudes to whether they sympathetically send a person home or not depends on the impact of that individuals absence. It shouldn't, but managers are human and are going to feel a lot better about sending home someone who's absence isn't going to create a big inconvenience that someone who's supposed to be doing something vital that will cause much disruption to cover. Such is life.

Indeed

do you have the same manager? Are your roles equal? Is she still off so you being off leaves them short staffed? Ultimately if you feel that bad they can’t stop you taking sick leave

I wouldnt tell my manager the nature of any medical complaint beyond "I'm feeling unwell". I don't think periods are any more unmentionable than the details of any other medical complaint. But two direct reports complaining of periods in a week is just odd.

Maybe the difference is that she was assertive and outright told your manager she’s unwell so is going home. You’re just sat around looking miserable waiting to be told to go home. Your manager isn’t just going to offer it to you. You need to just say!

Did you ask if you could go home?

I’m a manager. It’s not generally up to me if someone goes home ill or not, it’s up to them unless there was some sort of unusual circumstance. Sometimes I’ll say ‘do you think you should be here?’ or something like that. Just say you’re not well and you’re going home.

Favouritism is a very real thing in school classrooms, amongst friends and families, online and at work. Of course, there could be reasons you don't know about as to why they are lenient with some colleagues more than others, but there could be very morally and legally valid reasons why which are not disclosed to you.

For example, one colleague had disclosed autism and adhd to the manager, she could arrive late and leave early or take more off days because it was her agreed adjustments. Some people could take more time off and early leave late arrival but their wages were reflected in the lesser hours and they worked on weekends to make up for things, we colleagues didn't all know why she could do this. It's tricky as sometimes it's private medical or family info that the manager can't share and the worker doesn't want shared. I do think it can make people jealous or resentful though specially if the worker seems fine and well.

Yeah we’ve the same manager. I can soldier on, it’s just frustrating. I’ve felt poorly all week, and gone through the week and then being told to just crack on is frustrating

Yeah she does get on really well with the manager. It feels like blatant favouritism at this point

Isn't there a thing where if your manager agrees and sends you home then you get paid whereas if you just say you're leaving you might not get paid?
I do think the level of responsibility of the sick colleague and how well staffed they are that day, and how their work load can be managed is another factor than just be assertive.