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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband refusing family Xmas day!

457 replies

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:06

Advice please, both myself and hubby feeling hurt atm.
So I come from a family, although small, have always come together for christmas dinner, it was my favourite part of christmas growing up and anything else feels so wrong. My husband has always had an issue with this and every December would be a big upheavel and upset with him refusing any of my family members over, (my father a widow) before eventually allowing them to come! Every year the same argument. This year, he has gone no contact with his mother and sister, and has told me seeing that he wont be seeing them for christmas I wont be having fanily over. My brother who I only see at christmas has been looking forward to visit and see our children and my father of course will certainly be coming, but not without a whole load of stress and silent trratment from husband first. He says he does not like a crowd and is upset about not seeing his mother and sister. I have explained to him things dont have to be this way and tbh a good adult conversation between them would probably sort it, but he’s not interested. Should I try husbands way of having no visitors at christmas? Something that would work for us both? He knows that my father comong over is a no brainsr because he lives alone, bit its still an argument every year!

OP posts:
Coalday · 22/12/2025 13:18

OP this is what Coercive control is.
He rulesvthe house every day, telling you what, who and where.
Months of moodiness if you ask for even one day different.
This is abusive, controlling, manipulative and Coercive.
Coercive control is a crime.
Your poor children in such a home.
Domestic abuse charities are there for you.
Reach out for support.
He wants you alone and isolated.
He would never like your family, no matter what.

Maddy70 · 22/12/2025 13:19

So it at your dad's and don't invite your dh. He's a dick

MorphandMindy · 22/12/2025 13:28

SwingTheMonkey · 20/12/2025 17:31

I’d listen carefully to those posters who’ve said that a person who can’t let an occasion go past without creating some kind of awful fuss or problem is a massive red flag…

I agree... sounds like it's not just about Christmas.

I suspect that if OP decided she would honour his wishes and every Christmas would be spent alone, and instead she'd host a summer BBQ for her family, the exact same sulking and bad behaviour would ensue in the lead up to any planned event.

Some people can't help themselves.

Gymnopedie · 22/12/2025 15:24

Holidaywoes12 · 20/12/2025 17:15

We have had a very very long discussion. Compromise is important yes but my upset more so comes from DH’s attitude in general towards things and the unnecessary hassle that happens, not just at Christmas.

Did the discussion achieve anything positive or did it leave you feeling even worse?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/01/2026 17:48

@Holidaywoes12

How did xmas day pan out???

Nantescalling · 03/01/2026 18:00

This behaviour just sounds like being nasty but it's much more like pure abuse. I think it's called coercive control, forcing someone to bend to their wishes just to keep the peace. Somewhere in this thread, you said you wouldn't leave him alone but I don't see why. He is happy to leave your Dad all alone so why would he mind for himself?

Poetnojo · 03/01/2026 19:58

Nantescalling · 03/01/2026 18:00

This behaviour just sounds like being nasty but it's much more like pure abuse. I think it's called coercive control, forcing someone to bend to their wishes just to keep the peace. Somewhere in this thread, you said you wouldn't leave him alone but I don't see why. He is happy to leave your Dad all alone so why would he mind for himself?

I would assume the person using coercive control would be the one getting their way every Christmas 🤔

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