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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband refusing family Xmas day!

457 replies

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:06

Advice please, both myself and hubby feeling hurt atm.
So I come from a family, although small, have always come together for christmas dinner, it was my favourite part of christmas growing up and anything else feels so wrong. My husband has always had an issue with this and every December would be a big upheavel and upset with him refusing any of my family members over, (my father a widow) before eventually allowing them to come! Every year the same argument. This year, he has gone no contact with his mother and sister, and has told me seeing that he wont be seeing them for christmas I wont be having fanily over. My brother who I only see at christmas has been looking forward to visit and see our children and my father of course will certainly be coming, but not without a whole load of stress and silent trratment from husband first. He says he does not like a crowd and is upset about not seeing his mother and sister. I have explained to him things dont have to be this way and tbh a good adult conversation between them would probably sort it, but he’s not interested. Should I try husbands way of having no visitors at christmas? Something that would work for us both? He knows that my father comong over is a no brainsr because he lives alone, bit its still an argument every year!

OP posts:
BestFruitForward · 17/12/2025 21:09

Honestly he sounds a dick. Just don’t care what he says.

nutbrownhare15 · 17/12/2025 21:10

Go out to meet your relatives and leave your miserable husband at home on his own. Does he have any redeeming qualities? Silent treatment and trying to separate you from family members are indicators of domestic abuse.

PoorPhaedra · 17/12/2025 21:10

Why does he get to tell you what to do? Is he your boss?

Contrarymary30 · 17/12/2025 21:11

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:06

Advice please, both myself and hubby feeling hurt atm.
So I come from a family, although small, have always come together for christmas dinner, it was my favourite part of christmas growing up and anything else feels so wrong. My husband has always had an issue with this and every December would be a big upheavel and upset with him refusing any of my family members over, (my father a widow) before eventually allowing them to come! Every year the same argument. This year, he has gone no contact with his mother and sister, and has told me seeing that he wont be seeing them for christmas I wont be having fanily over. My brother who I only see at christmas has been looking forward to visit and see our children and my father of course will certainly be coming, but not without a whole load of stress and silent trratment from husband first. He says he does not like a crowd and is upset about not seeing his mother and sister. I have explained to him things dont have to be this way and tbh a good adult conversation between them would probably sort it, but he’s not interested. Should I try husbands way of having no visitors at christmas? Something that would work for us both? He knows that my father comong over is a no brainsr because he lives alone, bit its still an argument every year!

Could you go to your Dads house and you do a Christmas meal there ? Your brother could come and see you all there . Leave your miserable H at home !

IdaGlossop · 17/12/2025 21:11

Your husband sounds quite controlling. Where is your power in this relationship? Giving you the silent treatment is a childish way to resolve a disagreement. Why should you uninvite your family because your DH wants to wallow in self pity?

HappyMamma2023 · 17/12/2025 21:12

It isn't just your husband's decision you get a say too. If he cared about you he wouldn't make it such a big deal. Hope you can agree a compromise and not face the silent treatment OP. Take care

gogomomo2 · 17/12/2025 21:13

It’s very late to be messing people around! Whatever happens this year can i suggest you sort the arrangements out much earlier next year especially if you are changing things

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:15

IdaGlossop · 17/12/2025 21:11

Your husband sounds quite controlling. Where is your power in this relationship? Giving you the silent treatment is a childish way to resolve a disagreement. Why should you uninvite your family because your DH wants to wallow in self pity?

He says its the other way around and asks where his say is in this that he doesnt want anyone around? And hes making me think

OP posts:
Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:16

gogomomo2 · 17/12/2025 21:13

It’s very late to be messing people around! Whatever happens this year can i suggest you sort the arrangements out much earlier next year especially if you are changing things

Weve spoken about it since October, ive had on and off moods about it since then

OP posts:
bignewprinz · 17/12/2025 21:17

I love mumsnet, but I am consistently staggered and upset by how many awful husbands and partners are out there. This is another one. Tell him to FUCK OFF.

firstofallimadelight · 17/12/2025 21:17

Why don’t you, your brother and dad do it at one of their houses or go out for a meal?
It’s like your husband wants to make you suffer before allowing you to have family visit.

Alpacajigsaw · 17/12/2025 21:18

Gosh, I can’t think why his mum and sister have fallen out with him. He sounds delightful.

Tell him to fuck off

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/12/2025 21:19

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:16

Weve spoken about it since October, ive had on and off moods about it since then

Did you marry Ebenezer Scrooge? Tell him if he wants to be alone he can book an hotel room.

Mumofoneandone · 17/12/2025 21:20

Make his Christmas present a stay in a hotel, so he can suit himself and you can see your family.
He's out of order.....

ShodAndShadySenators · 17/12/2025 21:21

Like hell would I allow DH to dictate whether I saw my family or not at Christmas, nor would I insist that he can't see his. It's up to your husband whether he sees his mum and sister or not, but he doesn't have the right to say who you see. There's no argument to be had about it, he does not have that right. It's very concerning that he is exerting so much control over you and dictating terms. Is he actually sulking with you and refusing to speak to you over inviting your widower dad? That is abusive behaviour. Why do you put up with this, like he gets to lay down the law? Men like this are utterly repellent!

Why don't you go to your brother's or dad's instead, leave the miserable bully to do his own thing on his own like he wants? See what a light-hearted Christmas feels like...

randomusernam · 17/12/2025 21:23

So every year he doesn’t want to do a big thing and every year you have your family over. Never saying every other, dad could go to brothers house, you could go out. Please someone tell me what I’m missing? Sounds to me like you don’t listen to him and he gets fed up of being ignored so ignores you back. Relationships are about compromise not just always doing what you want to every year. Don’t surprise me loads of people are agreeing with you on here though. Maybe get off the man hating forum and go and discuss this with your partner.

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:23

Apparently I should be respecting his wishes of wanting a quiet Christmas

OP posts:
IdaGlossop · 17/12/2025 21:24

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:15

He says its the other way around and asks where his say is in this that he doesnt want anyone around? And hes making me think

Which of you do you think is controlling? A considerate partner who cared about you like an adult would be saying to himself 'By being magnanimous, I can help my wife have a happy Christmas day even though I will be struggling with my family not being there too.'

YourZippyHare · 17/12/2025 21:24

You know, if a woman posted that she'd had to have her in laws over every single Christmas Day at her husband's insistence... most people would be saying it's reasonable to not want to do that every year. I'm team DH - compromise is needed here and it sounds like it's all been your way so far.

Keroppi · 17/12/2025 21:24

Obviously you leave him alone Christmas day and do a meal at your parents or brothers and all congregate there. Or you tell husband to leave! No wonder he is NC with family they're probably sick of him, or he's inherited toxic patterns of communicating and relationships.

It's CHRISTMAS. He can be alone from 26-new year and you can be out and about visiting your family.. don't let him spoil your family bonds. If you split up you need your family and he can be all alone every Xmas like he wants.

Tell him he needs antidepressants and counselling as his presents this year

mrsfollowill · 17/12/2025 21:25

Leave the miserable twat at home on his own- can you and the kids go to your Dad's and and you help host from there? He sounds so self centred - I wouldn't put up with it- who made him the boss?

Alpacajigsaw · 17/12/2025 21:25

randomusernam · 17/12/2025 21:23

So every year he doesn’t want to do a big thing and every year you have your family over. Never saying every other, dad could go to brothers house, you could go out. Please someone tell me what I’m missing? Sounds to me like you don’t listen to him and he gets fed up of being ignored so ignores you back. Relationships are about compromise not just always doing what you want to every year. Don’t surprise me loads of people are agreeing with you on here though. Maybe get off the man hating forum and go and discuss this with your partner.

It’s 2 men, one an elderly widower. Not Noel’s House Party

CraftyPlayer · 17/12/2025 21:26

Send him out on his own for the day for his “quiet Christmas”. He sounds like a knob.

Holidaywoes12 · 17/12/2025 21:28

randomusernam · 17/12/2025 21:23

So every year he doesn’t want to do a big thing and every year you have your family over. Never saying every other, dad could go to brothers house, you could go out. Please someone tell me what I’m missing? Sounds to me like you don’t listen to him and he gets fed up of being ignored so ignores you back. Relationships are about compromise not just always doing what you want to every year. Don’t surprise me loads of people are agreeing with you on here though. Maybe get off the man hating forum and go and discuss this with your partner.

Well my father he would be alone because he is too old to travel to brothers house. I only see my brother once a year during Christmas, he does not come every christmas, sometimes its just boxing day, sometimes its new years, the argument with my husband is the same regardless. I have hosted Christmas for his family in the past and willingly gone for Christmas meals at the in laws during the festive period without an uproar.

OP posts:
SpinningaCompass · 17/12/2025 21:29

"It's my home and my Christmas, too, and my loved ones are welcome and will be joining me."