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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

269 replies

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:17

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 17/12/2025 19:12

You all sound quite hard work.😬

allthingsinmoderation · 17/12/2025 19:23

When you called her out on it last year did she explain why she chose not to buy your daughter a birthday gift?

WhiteRosesInMyGarden · 17/12/2025 19:26

I don’t think I would ever consider cutting my brother off for not buying gifts to my children. I think your sister might not understand how important is for you so maybe just share your feelings with her and try to reconnect on this. Relationships with siblings are much more valuable than gifts.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 17/12/2025 19:28

Seriously? Cutting someone off because they don't buy gifts? Not really in the spirit of Christmas op.

FunnyRaven · 17/12/2025 19:30

Like other poster said, very grabby. Not for you to decide, I don’t understand why people expect others to buy their children gifts. So entitled.

Hedgehogbrown · 17/12/2025 19:32

Jesus you really hate your sister. She's your sister. Only a very cold and heartless person would cut their own sister off
Shes 25. She's still got a lot of growing to do as a person. The reason you gave was that she doesn't give presents. Are you insane? So she doesn't give presents. Right, who gives a fuck? Just don't give her presents. Seems the relationships in this family are disfunctional.

Iris2020 · 17/12/2025 19:34

Gifts are not her love language. Annoying but hardly cutting off material.

3gumstonight · 17/12/2025 19:34

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TheLemonLemur · 17/12/2025 20:04

Your sister is thoughtless but you are over the top. Just don't buy her anything in future

BauhausOfEliott · 17/12/2025 20:25

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:26

No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

You all dislike her, so why on earth should she buy you gifts?

You sound like a toxic bunch.

Original poster
CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 21:13

This reply has been deleted

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I feel worse for your kids tbh having a mother like you - keyboard warrior ☺️

OP posts:
aneelli · 17/12/2025 21:25

Do we share the same sister, mine is also 25 living at home and a selfish cow! Just today I was talking about her selfish behaviour to my other sister. I haven’t bought her anything this year, I will see her for Xmas and usually when I do I buy her lots of gifts that I know she wants however I had a baby in the summer, she came with my parents, 4 hour drive and didn’t even think to get a little something for my kids, just sweets or chocs, that would cost a few quid not even expecting an actual gift from her. When I’m at my parents, she goes to the shop a 100
times and not once has she got anything for her nieces and nephews, she could buy a bag of lollies for a pound! Also for me nothing, not even a drink or chocolate to say thank you for the expensive gifts I’ve given her. This year I decided what I would’ve spent on her, I’d rather spend it on my own children. She doesn’t show any gratitude, isn’t in anyway helpful, is very selfish and only thinks of herself.
however I wouldn’t cut ties with her, just won’t be buying any gifts for her anymore. Fed up of being the nice big sister

3gumstonight · 18/12/2025 05:48

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Brokentramulator · 18/12/2025 07:33

Yabu - what a silly thing to go no contact over. Teach your dd that spending time with people is more important than gifts. Measuring people’s affection by the presents and cards they give you is embarrassing OP.

raindropsonroses8 · 18/12/2025 08:50

Your update is a massive drip feed and it’s obvious that irrespective of her Christmas gift giving you don’t like her at all. So ‘cut her off’ for that reason if you must but I can’t help feeling that you’re revelling in the drama of it all to be honest.

If you have a problem with your sisters behaviour just avoid her but be civil. It’s the adult thing to do. And don’t say it’s over Christmas gifts as frankly that just sounds pathetic.

Redpeach · 18/12/2025 08:56

Just be nice to your sister, without expecting anything back

LucyClayton · 18/12/2025 17:26

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:17

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

I've got 2 sisters and I've got 3 children they have 1 each. Wet don't buy anything for anyone. Just a card birthday to 1 sister the other I don't as she can't be bothered with it all. She'll tell you they went into the bin.. They don't send my kids nothing and I don't theirs.. We talk we see each other. We don't care about the fath.. As long as you buy your child.. If her grandparents see her right.. What's your problem. Are you a wee bit jealous of the lifestyles have. Just have a Lovely time with your daughter and that's that

NameChangexox · 18/12/2025 17:36

My sister didn’t bother wishing my daughter a happy birthday, I couldn’t give a crap about cards or gifts a simple text to acknowledge her on her birthday was all I expected and my sister couldn’t even be bothered to do that, would have taken 5 seconds out of her day. It was the final nail in the coffin for me after a string of selfish behaviour from her, I then didn’t wish her a happy birthday when it came to her birthday and she went crazy full on mental I was evil apparently!! Anyway we haven’t spoken since her tirade of abuse, it’s been years now and I couldn’t be happier, she always was a selfish little twat and I’d imagine she still is 😬 !! OP I’m with you, it’s not about cards or gifts it’s acknowledgement showing she cares for her niece!

Endorewitch · 18/12/2025 17:43

Just don't give her a present. Ever. That is the way to handle it. But don't cut her off. Overreaction.

Buffs · 18/12/2025 17:47

I normally consider my posts on mumsnet to be quite moderate but I find myself slightly disgusted by this one. I have a brother in law who never bought my kids anything, I didn’t mind they always had enough presents and the children never seemed to notice. Now my kids are adults he has been the most wonderful uncle. So what if she doesn’t buy presents if it makes you feel better don’t buy her any.

Woodwalk · 18/12/2025 17:48

Nobody has to buy your kids a present.

Childless siblings get a raw deal at Christmas. People can end up with multiple nieces and nephews to purchase for, and tend to receive a present from 'the household' in return. Even in your scenario she's expected by you to purchase for two - will you purchase two gifts back?

A present is only a joy to receive if the giver actually WANTS to give a present. Don't force it.

Sennelier1 · 18/12/2025 18:11

I wouldn't make a statement like "I'm cutting you of right now" but would arrange my life without her in it. Like, no more birthday- or other wishes, no more invitations, no more gifts even small, no more including her in outings with her niece (your daughter). In short, don't include her anymore. Maybe she will change her ways, maybe not. But she will know that if she wants to stay in your cloud she will have to acknowlege your child.

JoBrandsCleaner · 18/12/2025 18:25

No, you shouldn’t ditch your sister because she didn’t buy your kid a present.

Alovelyhotbath · 18/12/2025 18:32

You would choose to not have your sister in your life or your child's life because she doesn't buy presents for your child?

When did it become normal for people to do this? It's seems to be trendy to end relationships and cut people out over the smallest of issues.

It isn't normal, not at all.

Rhaenys · 18/12/2025 18:34

It’s ridiculous to cut her off over that. You cannot be serious. It’s not as if she doesn’t bother at all with you and DD, she came over to see her on her birthday.