To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

[CrimboDilemma1]

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

As the person who birthed your child, the only person responsible for getting them gifts is you. It is grabby to expect that from your little sister. You don’t even like her anyway, so you’re literally just using her for gifts.

why do you feel like she owes it to her just because she is your daughter? it's not by force and cutting her off is likely for other reasons

I mean if you're not getting gifts out of the relationship what even is the point of being sisters? You obviously don't like her, and she's not shelling out for her niece, so why continue the relationship? She's dead weight; cut her loose.

“Mum, why don’t you speak to auntie Ella? Why do I never see her?” “Because she didn’t buy you a Christmas present”. Really? Life is short, people are precious, sometimes we all fuck up and can be a bit selfish for a while. Then your parents get old and you get old and you realise what actually matters. You’d be insane to cut off a sibling for this.

No I wouldn’t cut her off for this, it’s really very trivial in the grand scheme of things. I might be a little bit miffed about it but it’s really not worth a big family fall out…people just have different attitudes to gift giving.

You realise you’re not exactly coming out of this well yourself, right?

Just do the same back do not buy your sister a single thing either. Don't cut her off.

Agree

I am completely gobsmacked at a 25 year old girl thinking she needs botox! She is young for goodness sake. I got engaged and was married at 25 and I was lovely, and young (back in the dark ages, fifty years ago). What is she thinking, putting poison into her skin.

Your sister certainly does sound very self centred. A tenner in a card wouldn't hurt her to give to her niece. However that's how she is. Don't bother to buy her anything.

I know young people stay at home longer but it's usually to save a bit of money. If I was your mum I'd encourage her to get her own place, it sounds as though she can afford it. It's not fair on your mum to bring chaos home when a relationship goes wrong. Still that is up to your mum.

Cutting her off for not buying presents is OTT and very unreasonable. However it's fair enough to not get her presents for her birthday and Christmas.

This is demented. Exchanging gifts at Xmas or giving gifts for birthday is not pandering to entitlement. It's the absolute barest minimum of civility and thoughtfulness.

OP, match her energy. Don't put yourself out for her in any way whatsoever. She reaps what she sows.

WTF! You don't go NC with all the family fallout it entails over something as trivial as gifts.

YABU. Some people don't believe in things like that, and it's a very small thing to cut someone off over. If she doesn't do gifts or cards then don't do them for her.

You want to act like your sister doesn't exist, wipe out and disrsgard all your shared history, never speak to her again, have a lifetime of Christmases when either you can spend the day with your family, or she can, because it would be too awkward to have you together, cause awkwardness for every wedding, christening birthday and funeral going forward....
because she doesn't buy your DC presents? Are you sure?

The fact that she came to spend time with your DD on her birthday seems more meaningful to me personally than just popping a cheap gift in the mail (though I appreciate your DD may not see it that way). I definitely think YABU to consider cutting her off, it's not as if she didn't make an effort or acknowledge the birthday. Just don't buy her gifts if you don't want to and she isn't buying them for you. Probably less hassle and less clutter all round. I don't think there's anything wrong with valuing meaningful time spent over 'stuff'.

Have you heard of quiet quitting? I’d do that. No big drama or blocking her. But no presents or cards at birthdays or Christmas. If she asks why just say you assumed she didn’t want to anymore as she hadn’t done anything for DD and that is fine by you. Just quietly step back and laugh to yourself when she does something selfish. Maybe get counselling if you are really upset by your mum’s favouritism. There’s no shame in counselling!!

I’d cut her off for your DC’s sake. What kind of influence is she going to be for your DD?

You both sound horrid, her because she doesn’t even acknowledge DN birthday & you because of your extreme reaction to her behaviour…. Your parents did a great job raising you both 👍🏼

No of course don't "cut her off" that's an extreme over reaction. Just accept she doesn't do gifting, don't buy for her, focus on the positives in life

Sounds as if selfishness runs in the family.

Cutting her off as in not speaking to her anymore? That seems extreme.

These threads drive me crazy - the OP posts a question but only wants people who agree with her to reply.

It's thoughtless to not even buy your daughter a card. Let alone a gift.

You could go no contact. But there would potentially be a knock on effect. How would it affect your family dynamic. Will it cause distress to your parents? Your other sibling?

You could keep her at arms length rather than going totally NC.

Have you told her how much this issue annoys you?

Completely agree

Please say you don’t actually spend Christmas together @CrimboDilemma1 ??? I can’t imagine how awful the atmosphere be for everyone