Page 7 | To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

MrsDoubtingMyself · 17/12/2025 16:57

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:36

Oh no, she definitely expects things back in return! 😂 my mum nearly had a fit the first time I didn’t send my sister anything for an occasion - after she didn’t bother with DD - because of how my sister reacted

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When you talk to your sister about the lack of presents for her neice, what does she say?

I think you'd be INCREDIBLY unreasonable to cut her off without explaining your feelings and getting her thoughts

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 16:57

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 17/12/2025 16:10

Im going to be honest here, you sound jealous of your mums relationship with her. Its not really any of your business how much money your mum gives her and what behaviour your mum tolerates from her. Your mother is a grown adult and if she was upset by all of this its up to her to deal with. You clearly dislike your sister so the best thing you can do is to simply have as little to do with her as you can but remain polite and civil when you do have to see her.

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Of course it is her business - because it isn’t a healthy family system where everyone is treated equally!!!!

or things are named and processed “look I’ve had to help your sister out again - obviously I’m there for you if you need me to one day”

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 17/12/2025 16:59

HoneyParsnipSoup · 17/12/2025 14:45

Op OF COURSE it’s not bloody unreasonable to expect your sister to buy her only niece a card on her birthday! Only on Mumsnet is this ‘entitled and grabby behaviour’ - Mumsnet only considers legal relationships aka marriage, relationships where you can expect anything at all or any kind of care.

She didn’t ask if it was unreasonable to expect a card. She asked if was UR to cut her sister off for not sending a card, big difference don’t you think.

Love the OPs drip drip drip when it didn’t go the way she expected.

Daisymail · 17/12/2025 17:00

NewGoldFox · 17/12/2025 14:18

I don’t think I would cut her off just don’t gift her anything on Christmas or her birthday 🤷🏻‍♀️

Simple - this!

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 17:04

Daisymail · 17/12/2025 17:00

Simple - this!

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I don’t think so….

this is a game not played in plain sight and brings up emotions that fester

Minnie798 · 17/12/2025 17:07

Does you sister buy you gifts? If she's not buying for anyone, she'd be getting sweet fa from me in the future and I'd tell her why.

TimeForATerf · 17/12/2025 17:08

Don’t be silly, she’s made it easy for you. You never need to buy her or any future partner or child a gift or card ever. It’s a win win.

MrsOverthinker25 · 17/12/2025 17:09

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:26

No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️

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Yeah, you sound just as delightful as her 🙄 grow up.

Betterbelieveit · 17/12/2025 17:09

You and your sister have different love languages. Most people gift because they want to and not because the other person will reciprocate. Otherwise, it might as well be a transactional relationship.

If you feel like your sister has to pay you back in gifts for the gifts you give her, it's time to ask yourself if you really love your sister.

I think you need to have a conversation with yourself, and maybe cut yourself off rom yourself.

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 17/12/2025 17:13

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 16:57

Of course it is her business - because it isn’t a healthy family system where everyone is treated equally!!!!

or things are named and processed “look I’ve had to help your sister out again - obviously I’m there for you if you need me to one day”

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I completely disagree! My money and finances are absolutely none of my kids business! I may give one child an amount for something one year but maybe the other needs some money a year later etc! They wouldn’t question it, the same as i would never ask interfere about what my parents give to my siblings! We had a relative who constantly did that and all that happened was everyone kept secrets from them!

schoolfriend · 17/12/2025 17:15

HoneyParsnipSoup · 17/12/2025 14:45

Op OF COURSE it’s not bloody unreasonable to expect your sister to buy her only niece a card on her birthday! Only on Mumsnet is this ‘entitled and grabby behaviour’ - Mumsnet only considers legal relationships aka marriage, relationships where you can expect anything at all or any kind of care.

On the flip side - only on MN would someone suggest going NC because someone didn't buy a card! I agree it's a nice, totally normal thing to do and not unreasonable to expect, however, I also think to sever an entire familial relationship because someone doesn't get your kid a card feels somewhat dramatic.

schoolfriend · 17/12/2025 17:17

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 15:10

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

YABU to start a thread about a birthday card when clearly, it's not about the birthday card.

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 17:19

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 17/12/2025 17:13

I completely disagree! My money and finances are absolutely none of my kids business! I may give one child an amount for something one year but maybe the other needs some money a year later etc! They wouldn’t question it, the same as i would never ask interfere about what my parents give to my siblings! We had a relative who constantly did that and all that happened was everyone kept secrets from them!

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Read the post again - and the impacts and wider ripples

you sound like you have healthy family system that allows for the discriminate giving of money where no one takes offence

maybe that relative was expressing how it made them feel

you are niave if you think most families function like yours - OPs family sounds rife with conflict

Nevernonono · 17/12/2025 17:23

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 15:10

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

Quite the drip feed…

Leftsidefacing · 17/12/2025 17:23

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:26

No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️

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Even with the dripfeed, I’d think carefully. Going NC puts a bomb into families and has far reaching consequences.

KitchenTrollyDolly · 17/12/2025 17:24

I wonder why she doesn't visit you often.

chunkyBoo · 17/12/2025 17:25

I just wouldnt bother sending her anything for Christmas or birthday

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 17/12/2025 17:28

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 17:19

Read the post again - and the impacts and wider ripples

you sound like you have healthy family system that allows for the discriminate giving of money where no one takes offence

maybe that relative was expressing how it made them feel

you are niave if you think most families function like yours - OPs family sounds rife with conflict

Edited

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I still believe that a persons finances are no ones business but their own! My mother could hand my sibling £50k and i would neither expect to know about it or expect her to give it me as well! People are entitled to do whatever they wish with their time and money and no one has the right to express any dissatisfaction imo!

SixtySomething · 17/12/2025 17:31

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:17

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

She's not a mother herself and doesn't move in those social circles. She probably doesn't understand how heartless she is being?

Christmastimeandwine · 17/12/2025 17:31

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:17

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

This can’t be real it’s absolutely rediculous

mumofoneAloneandwell · 17/12/2025 17:32

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:26

No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️

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This is the post I was expecting to see down the line 😄

Your sister is 25. Shes young, the youngest, and therefore has a different understanding of life than you so doesn't think buying presents on time matters. She still sees her niece and presumably gets on with her

Noone likes her anyway? Wow. In fact, cut her off, she deserves better than you!

You are jealous of her life and that at 25, she is able to be selfish while youre loaded with responsibilities

Yabvu

#teamyoursister

Poodlelove · 17/12/2025 17:39

I would not buy her a gift and only a card and then tell us what her reaction was.

YouDriveMeCrazyButICanDoThatMyself · 17/12/2025 17:41

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:24

grabby behaviour? 😂 we are talking about a quid for a birthday card to show a bit of effort and acknowledgement. It actually shows that I care about who makes an effort with my child and who doesn’t - blood or not 🤷‍♀️

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She visited.
That is effort and showing she cares, far more than a £1 but of card does.

AmyDuPlantier · 17/12/2025 17:44

Well cutting her off when she still lives at home with your parents will cause all sorts of unnecessary drama. Why bother? Just be aware she’s selfish when it comes to gift giving 🤷‍♀️

ChocolateCinderToffee · 17/12/2025 17:47

You can't dictate how other people spend their money. Why does this mean so much to you? Cut her off if you want - if you're given to throwing strops because she doesn't acknowledge you in the way that you want, she'll be very pleased.