Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

[Cartaz]

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry. My family did the more typical eat a bit later at around 2pm. But I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

This new way I feel like the time pressure is off and everyone gets stuck in more. Just more relaxed (for us).

I’ve adopted what dh’s family do. But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

I just don’t get doing something one way cause everyone else is doing it that way.

To me it’s just more relaxed and who doesn’t love a candlelight dinner. I can’t believe the cheek of SIL

How rude is that ? She can go somewhere else for her dinner / lunch then .

Some people can’t handle change. If someone offered me a day like that I’d snap it up, just to experience something different. Explain to your SIL that this is how you celebrate Christmas Day but you understand she might not want to come and there’ll be no ill feelings if that’s the case. Put the ball back in her court

I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

Surely it’s the same amount of food no matter what order you eat it in?
<misses point of thread>

Exactly

We're also a 3pm house. Sometimes 4pm.

What time were you planning? If 8pm, you could volunteer to bring forward to 5pm? We'd struggle to fit two lots of breakfast/brunch canapes in (we do bacon pancake brunch at about 11am) and then have canape and picky bits for evening - 9pm onwards...

Would something like that work?

Christmas dinner has to fit in with how you have your day!
we have ours at 6pm ish as we have a farm. I couldn’t eat a massive lunch at 2-3pm and then go outside and work afterwards, which is what our day consists of.

This thread is really weird. I have never heardi of people having Christmas dinner in the evening ! I thought everyone had it at 2p.m to 4 pm!

Do you have a very small social circle or something? I'm amazed that anyone would assume that "everyone" eats their Christmas meal within such a narrow window.

Different families have different traditions. It is hardly headline news, nor is it in the least bit "weird" that some people might not do exactly what you do.

Tradition here is you say 1pm but its almost always 3pm lol

Rooood! I would never consider dictating other people’s eating times if I was invited to their house.

If she wants it earlier just because that's what she's used to, then I think it's fair enough to say along the lines of - It might be more traditional for you to have a late lunch, but this is traditional for our household.

But if it's because she has issues with digestion if she eats late or some other reason that isn't so grounded in a preference that's no more valid than your own, then I think that's more of a toss up, though I think it's a bit late to be making changes like that unless it's something serious.

It’s cheeky but is to do with kids and bedtimes perhaps? Eating Christmas dinner and dessert can take a while.

Agree @LordEmsworth
some of these comments are a bit, bah humbug, if you don’t like it lump it!😬
personally @Cartaz when hosting, l wouldn’t be ridged, try and take on board, everyone’s preferences and hopefully meet in the middle.

I mean, that is not what normal people either mean or assume by asking. I genuinely find it baffling that so many people on MN seem to find ways to take offence over nothing.

We’re a six/seven pm house. We like a long and luxurious breakfast/brunch. But that’s probably because now that the children are teenagers, we open our presents at midnight in accordance to my cultural traditions.

I prefer the breakfast/brunch over the dinner as it’s basically just a Sunday roast with sprouts.

The first time I was invited to eat Christmas dinner at my SIL, I was shocked that we were meant to be there for 1:30 at the latest. It feels rushed and just makes you sleepy. But did I say that? No I went along because I was a guest and it was a different experience to my own.

It’s bloody Christmas Day so you should do what makes you happy, especially if you’re hosting. Everyone has their traditions.

Of course it’s cheeky! OP is hosting the family Christmas and has invited the SIL among others. How is it not rude to ask the host to change the timing of the meal to suit her? If she wants to eat at lunchtime she can decline the invite and eat in her own schedule.
Whoever is hosting gets to choose the menu and the timing

Are they staying Christmas night? I wonder if she's thinking she'd like to get home a little earlier than your food schedule.

Your food plans sound lovely btw.

I can't stand eating a huge roast on Christmas day post kids. I need a nap if I eat a huge dinner and obviously parenting doesn't allow for that so we have traditional boxing day food on Christmas day and roast on the eve of.

Your house, you do it your way

She's not rude; just communicating.
Politely reply.
Sorry, the time is pretty set how we like it.

The cliche of British people is that we never say what we mean. Which also means we generally do not take what people say at face value but always expect a hidden message. With those social rules, as a guest who finds the time of dinner unsuitable for you, you can either a) put up and shut up and say it's all lovely so you don't offend your host b) say 'what a refreshing decision to eat Christmas dinner late' safe in the knowledge that your criticism will be noted and understood or c) say 'can we have dinner earlier?' and know your host will be mortally offended, immediately complain about you to all and sundry, and never invite you again. It's very simple. There's no such thing as a simple question and only CF pretend otherwise.

She's not dictating anything. She's asked.

As a family, I'd say that mine (including me) aren't all that great at communicating. But even we feel able to make requests of each other, say yes or no to requests, and will comfortably cope if the answer is no.

If either of my sons in law politely asked a similar question, I'd not be offended and nor would I see it as them being demanding. I'd feel able to say no, and they wouldn't kick off if I did

Gosh your day sounds like bliss. As kids we weren't allowed breakfast because we were having a "big meal" at 2/3pm ish. Then weren't allowed anything after because we'd "had a big meal". People still do this "oh I couldn't eat anything else all day" it's perfectly normal to want to eat at other times of the day imo, stomachs can only hold a certain amount of food.

Do what you want to do and she can choose whether or not to join in.

We’ve ditched tradition too as kids got hungry at 12, then ate nibbles and we knew wouldn’t eat again at 2-3pm, so now we always do it at 4/5pm. We use the kids as the primary excuse, but tbh it is just us and no one else to please 🤣

by 4/5pm…Everyone is hungry enough (assuming just had nibbles since lunch, and a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and salmon), and it’s dark outside so we’ve managed to get out for a nice afternoon walk before dinner. The day feels so much more relaxed and I’m not tied to a stove just enjoying kids and pottering into kitchen occasionally to do bits.

We do French toast with bacon and syrup at about 10-11ish then dinner at 4.30 or 5. Works well. If a bit peckish later there’s always a turkey sandwich or a few pigs in blankets and cheese and biscuits.
Thats what we enjoy and I wouldn’t change it for anyone.