Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

[Cartaz]

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry. My family did the more typical eat a bit later at around 2pm. But I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

This new way I feel like the time pressure is off and everyone gets stuck in more. Just more relaxed (for us).

I’ve adopted what dh’s family do. But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

I just don’t get doing something one way cause everyone else is doing it that way.

To me it’s just more relaxed and who doesn’t love a candlelight dinner. I can’t believe the cheek of SIL

I can't imagine eating brunch then again at 5 or 6pm. Different strokes...

Christmas Dinner is served in this house when its ready.

That means we get up and are chill about timings all day. We do some presents and then crack on and do all the prep and then work out what time is going to work for it all being ready and thats dinner time.

Honestly, why MUST it be x time if it doesn't work for you? It just adds a layer of stress you don't need. Its ready when its ready and thats just fine!

I can watch the Queen/King on the news later (and this applied BEFORE tv in demand) if I really want to.

Christmas should be chill not a day of military timetabling and unnecessary stress. Fuck knows I do that the rest of the year.

Dinner isn't going anywhere. Its not going to ruin the day if its at an odd time. They'll be left overs if its too early and theres enough picky stuff to tide everyone over if its running later.

I read these threads on MN about what you MUST do and what you HAVE to do for Christmas and I'm baffled by it. Set your own rules and break the rules that no one wrote in the first place anyway.

Work out what works for you and makes it more enjoyable and to hell with the nonsense.

This is exactly what we do (apart from the King, everyone in this house would rather fellate a rhinoceros than listen to that old duffer dribbling on about nothing). We do stockings, breakfast and then presents, everyone chips in on the cooking and we eat when it’s ready.

We have it as lunch but often around 3. Then have a buffet tea in the evening

And a bit dim to ask to change the Christmas day plan when people have set ways and traditions of how they do things (as seen in this thead!) IMO

I feel your annoyance, our in laws are now not attending ours for Christmas Day because we’re not cooking the main dinner then (we’re doing it Boxing Day) and instead having a long brunch, leftover snacks then turkey baguettes for dinner so we can enjoy the day with the kids and not spend all of it in the kitchen.

Everyone i know eats it in the afternoon, my family included. However if i was invited to someone’s home for Christmas i would never be rude enough to ask them to change their plans for me.

I'm not sure it is polite of a guest to want the day rearranged to suit them unless there's a good reason, which 'more traditional' isn't. It's your DH's family tradition and you're cooking, so I'd say you're entitled to cook at 3am in a wet suit, snorkel and flippers and if she doesn't like it, then she can go somewhere traditional, can't she?

Bugger that! IMO it’s infinitely more civilised to have it later - we’ve had it at 5 or 6 for years in this house. People are frankly that much more ready for a big roast later.

And it makes for a rather more relaxed day for the cook!

Tell SiL she can dictate timings when she is hosting.
If there are young children involved, all we have done with little Gdcs is to give them something fairly simple at their usual lunchtime. Zero problem.

Different traditions suit different people. My mum's tradition was theoretically 1, actually 2,30, followed by the ritual 'does anyone want tea' at about five o'clock. No one did.

My tradition is lunch at one, dishwasher loaded as far ahead as I can, then presents and out for a walk after the Kings speech (which still seems wrong not being the Queen.) Then home for sausage rolls, crisps, pickled onions and Christmas cake for adults and tunis cake for children.

We sit down between 5.00 and 6.00. No rushing round and the washing up is done before or during The Archers.

Firstly, that all sounds absolutely lovely and secondly, I don’t think a guest should be making those kind of demands on a host.

Why do you think the host should be accommodating the guest, please? Surely, you're inviting them to join your plans, not being a hotel, although even they have set hours for meal service? I'm generally interested because family dynamics are so different, aren't they? Some families live far away, others are in and out, so they're bound to be different. And other families get on a lot better when they're in different counties!

Seems like a lot of food before the roast. I don’t know how anyone would be hungry or bothered by the time Christmas dinner was served.

Infinitely more civilised. 😀
People just do what works for them. I prefer to relax after cooking christmas lunch and have a drink. I'd probably make a hash of it if I drank beforehand

When you're the guest, you do as your hosts do, unless there's some very real reason why you can't. I'd tell her you've already planned things and will be sticking to your own family's tradition. And yes, if she ever hosts, she can do it her way!

I don't necessarily. I just don't think a request to consider it is rude. By the same token I don't think a polite response of "no, sorry that doesn't work is rude either".

I don't think either party is beholden to act in any particular way in what is an informal family gathering.

I found early Christmas lunch odd when I first when to PIL. Breakfast was a non-event - tea and a bit of toast. MIL getting stressy in the kitchen and refusing any help (FIL lovely but pretty useless) - they went to midnight Mass so she must have been knackered. Lunch around 1. Clear away and watch the Queen's speech (not something my family does) which was the only time the TV was turned on that day - and no music. Games after that until leftovers in the evening. I found it a tad boring. Also the heating was barely on, but that's another story. None of their children have followed in their tradition. My family are much more oppulent and laid back at Christmas - and wanting everone to be enjoying themselves.

I think an early evening Xmas meal is actually much more sensible!

I’m hosting this year, all my guests are local so I’m
going to suggest a 5pm lunch so we can relax and not wake up early to book, and everyone can sta as late as they want to.

A lot of drama over nothing, she only asked.

Would people complaining about the absolute cheek to demand (ask) prefer if the SIL just decided not to come rather than ask if things could be changed?

It is super cheeky to try to dictate when Op does things while she's hosting!

It doesn't matter how polite you ask, you're still trying to control a situation you're not entitled to control!

Why would she think it was okay to even ask, is my question. I wouldn't ask my own siblings to change their plans if they were hosting, never mind asking my BIL or SIL! They're the hosts. It's only one day, I can be flexible, and I'll do things their way, if I'm their guest.

I agree, a fuss about nothing. She's asked, you can say no. Move on, end of story.

In fact the reason we started having it later (many years ago now) instead of at the usual 3-ish, was because I’d had so much Bucks Fizz, I completely forgot the potatoes - when the turkey was coming out of the oven they weren’t even parboiled!
But as per my pp, everyone was that much more ready for it, and the turkey stayed hot with foil and a tea towel or two.

b