Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

[Cartaz]

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry. My family did the more typical eat a bit later at around 2pm. But I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

This new way I feel like the time pressure is off and everyone gets stuck in more. Just more relaxed (for us).

I’ve adopted what dh’s family do. But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

I just don’t get doing something one way cause everyone else is doing it that way.

To me it’s just more relaxed and who doesn’t love a candlelight dinner. I can’t believe the cheek of SIL

I prefer to have it at lunch time. In the afternoon everyone is tired, kids want to play games etc. No one wants to spend the afternoon in the kitchen! And then I woudn't wait to eat too much at lunch if I was having a huge dinner later on... plus I like to have a few chocolates/biscuits in the afternoon. So sorry I'm with SIL!

How is it more traditional to have it earlier? I don't ever remember having the Christmas dinner in the afternoon.

No, I do not understand why it is cheeky to politely enquire if timings could be altered. Demanding is rude, opening a conversation is not.

I've done all the planning, I don't have the headspace to change it, when you do it then knock yourself out!

Wonders if there is going to be a drip feed about SIL having toddlers who will have been over excited and she would like to be in bed by 7pm which is when you’re planning on serving dinner. Or she’s working the next day or similar and so won’t be able to drink with dinner or something. Or might need to head home/visit other relatives early evening and so will actually be missing out on the dinner.
Absent any of those, then she can ask but you can do it your way.

Is there a reason why she has asked for it to be earlier. Or do you think she's just asking to be a pain and get her own way?

Ideal time for Christmas dinner is around 3pm. Plenty of time beforehand for presents and breakfast, plenty of time after for tv, games and evening snacks.

I feel you OP! My SIL has insisted that we don’t have a Xmas lunch at all this year (my parents-in-law are hosting) because it’s “too stressful”. She doesn’t offer to help or cook anything, and never hosts. But it’s far too stressful for her so we’re having lasagne this year as she threatened not to come if her dad made the usual Xmas lunch.

If you’re hosting you decide what you make and when it’s served. So I’d tell your SIL to bugger off!

I wouldn't dream of asking a host to change their planning, enquire about the timings is fine but requesting a complete mix up? No.

Is she a SIL from your husbands side or your siblings spouse?

We usually eat around 6pm on Christmas day. It will be even later this year as youngest DS is working in a pub kitchen and won't be finished until around 6.30pm.

I don't generally eat a massive meal at 2pm or 3pm so don't see why 25th December should be different. Sod tradition.

It’s NOT more ‘traditional’. Having a days ‘main meal’ in the middle of the day wastes the rest of the day & nothing is a suitable/agreeable evening meal later on after the xmas mega feast.

It’s not traditional for everyone to have Christmas dinner earlier.

I think if you’re a guest in someone else’s house you go along with what’s traditional for them.

I'm of an age where I can't eat a heavy meal late at night. Maybe she's the same and that's why she's asked?
I wouldn't change plans if I was you. She can always eat a smaller meal if it's a digestion thing.

Stick to what you have planned.
She can always make herself a sandwich if she's hungry.

Always dinner here, too, and my DPs were the same.

MIL does Christmas dinner for 3 pm and no-one really fancies it, partly because they've all been snacking on chocolates and shite all morning, and partly because she is an appalling cook and everything is unseasoned and overdone.

The OP didn't say most of that stuff, you've filled it in based on your own assumptions 🙄You have written a back story of your own

I was always under the impression that family members are fond of each other and tak openly about things, and that part of hosting is considering other people's comfort. It's fine that you think differently!

Why are they pandering to her? Id say I'm not coming unless its an xmas dinner. Who wants lasagne if shes not even helping!!

Unless there's a drip feed, she's being unreasonable. I actually also prefer a late lunch slot, but if you're at someone else's house, you follow their timings.

This. Christmas Day is the only day we have our dinner at the proper time of 1pm. We have done this ever since our kids were young as it then gave us the rest of the day to play games. We still do it this way even though they're adults.

Ooh I really like this idea! The "traditional" way means that if I eat a nice breakfast I'm still full at 2pm for Christmas dinner. Then everyone sits on the sofa stuffed with food and boring af all afternoon and starts faffing around making sandwiches at 9pm.

We're away this year but next year it's breakfast at 9am, vol-au-vents at 1 and candlelit dinner at 7!

As host it’s up to you. Explain what plans are then she knows. If it really won’t suit her and her family eg small children then she has option to stay at home.

We've always had the main roast at lunchtime but obviously everyone has their own family traditions or their view of whats "normal". (even if that is Lasagne for Xmas dinner!)

Definitely the host gets to decide though - unless the SIL has some proper reason (other than preference) for her way of things. Like if she's got a medical need for meals to be at certain times or whatever but this doesn't sound like that.

We do lunchtime. Light breakfast then lunch 1.30 ish then can relax and have small supper eg cheese & crackers and mince pie. But if you are cooking it’s your choice.

It’s fairly obvious that the host hosts to their preferred timetable. Food timings on Christmas Day are hardly accidental. That’s what makes it cheeky.
it also signals that the guest isn’t content with how the host manages things.
She’s free to host and have timings as she’d like.

She's staying with you.

You're hosting as you see fit.

So just reiterate that the offer is to join your existing plans.