Useless husband (birthday edition)

[thetimehascomeandso]

Today is a milestone birthday. Totally outing but beyond caring. 10 years marred DH. He’s never been great with presents (example - asked me what I wanted one year and I picked out a Pandora bracelet. On my birthday I was presented with a bag of cheap beads from eBay as he thought it was a better option to make my own, despite me being the least crafty person on the planet). Last year picked out a top I liked in the hope he would simply have to follow the link I sent and press purchase. Nope. He took it upon himself to buy the male equivalent in a US size XL and was genuinely perplexed as to why I was insulted.
This year I thought fuck it, I won’t even bother to make any plans or send hints.
Today I have woken up to being presented with…
a pair of stress relieving bollock balls. £5.99 from firebox.
Even our kids were saying he could have at least organised a cake. He says he hasn’t had time, as if my birthday is some kind of event that sneaks up in suprise?

I literally am gonna LTB.

The last straw was a bar of Galaxy in my marriage..
8 years of only ever eating Cadbury as I don't like Galaxy chocolate dh declared but I thought you might like it for a change...
3 dc and 8 years together.. He cared not a jot about me really.
I remarried and he was no better. Ruined my 40th.... He was an exh before I was 41...
Get rid op. He is telling you your worth.
Listen to him.

It's lack of respect, am so sorry OP. He's an adult, perfectly capable in buying you a decent present if he put his mind to it.

Anyway, wish you a happy birthday over here on MN!

Are people never capable of changing? Or listening to their other half? Just because he's been bad a presents does it have to mean that it will always be this way?

And what's the excuse when the OP actually sent a link to an item she'd like and he went out of his way to buy something else that wasn't suitable? Or beads instead of a bracelet she wanted?

So, cutting to the chase, your husband is an arsehole who does not deserve you. Your next decades could be wonderful, with or without a new partner.
In your shoes, I would :
stick the flowers in the bin;
cancel/ return any Xmas presents or treats which are just for his benefit;
focus on the children;
start researching a shit hot lawyer so you are ready to go in January;
practise dead-eyed indifferent responses;
start day-dreaming about what a life without this Prince could look like.
Good luck!!!

First time I've said LTB but yes, LTB.

I'm so sorry. Happy Birthday and free yourself from this horrible person.

So, cutting to the chase, your husband is an arsehole who does not deserve you. Your next decades could be wonderful, with or without a new partner.
In your shoes, I would :
stick the flowers in the bin;
cancel/ return any Xmas presents or treats which are just for his benefit;
focus on the children;
start researching a shit hot lawyer so you are ready to go in January;
practise dead-eyed indifferent responses;
start day-dreaming about what a life without this Prince could look like.
Good luck!!!

Happy birthday 🥳
I feel your pain and after 40 plus years with my DH, I buy or send links (as per you not always successful). He’s hopeless so I remain disappointed that I know what I’m getting for Christmas and birthday. This morning I bought myself a voucher for my nail bar. Whether he gets round to paying me back is another thing!

They are absolutely crap presents. But you have to take someone in the round, don't you? None of us know whether this is the tip of a massive iceberg of bad behaviour or whether he's just, you know, a nice enough person who's crap with presents. Only you know that. Take care and have a lovely birthday.

Happy birthday! I’m going to Google those stress balls as I have no idea what are those?! But yes - unacceptable. If he didn’t but you anything I’d be thinking he’s just not doing presents but to go into trouble to buy, wrap and gift something useless and cheap is baffling!

It was my birthday a couple of days ago. I took up running as a hobby recently and I’m using dh’s old AirPods. I told him they have stopped working properly, hinting not so subtly I need new ones… No, I did not get new AirPods for my birthday. In his defence he just doesn’t do presents.
I sent him a photo of specific chocs on my birthday telling him get me those and a lemon cake, and my ds chose some lovely flowers for me which he bought too. 🤷‍♀️

I am crap at buying gifts, I never know what people might want.

But that doesn’t stop me from buying some chocolates or flowers or things that I think people would like.

I also book somewhere like the cinema or meal to celebrate it and always get a cake.

You don’t need to be good at buying gifts to make an effort.

Its even shitter that it’s a milestone birthday.

Happy birthday OP 💐💐

He’s bought you stress relieving bollock balls for your milestone birthday? Is that to relieve the stress that he’s putting you under? Did he buy you anything else?
I agree with pp, he’s doing this on purpose. You couldn’t have made things any clearer to him and he’s actively going against that.
I’m guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg of his shittiness though.

Happy birthday 💐 and happy separating 👍🏻

Get it done as soon as possible, for your sake. And hire the best lawyer you can afford. I can see this bastard getting cruel. Because he has already shown you that he hates you.

Happy special Birthday @thetimehascomeandso . Don't let him ruin any more of them. Onwards and upwards. Make 2026 a much better year for you. And do get a refund for anything you've bought him for Christmas, unless it's a divorce petition, obviously 💐

My ex used to do similar, only he got me absolutely nothing because he’d ‘forgot’, then made out it was my fault for ruining my own birthday because I dared to grumble. It took me way too long to realise he was doing it on purpose

Note the ‘ex’

Happy birthday 🥳

Fucking bastard!

He doesn't like you and considers you not worth spending thought/money on. Perhaps he seems happy about your throwing the cake in the bin because he enjoys upsetting you. He also possibly thinks you won't leave him.

Happy Birthday 🎉

Now you can have a brighter future.

Please tell him, and mean it, that he will never get the opportunity to do this to you again. He sounds sadistic, from your update.

Wow! Get your ducks in a row and buy yourself a bloody big present from the joint account now!

Happy birthday 🎉 🎂 Treat yourself to a lovely present on his credit card 😁

It's deliberate. He hasn't forgotten and is deliberately doing a horrible job to put you down. I can't get my head around it tbh.

Well that escalated quickly!

Posted at 10:12am and had told him your marriage was was over by 10:53am !!!

Definitely don’t give him any Christmas presents. And don’t facilitate your children buying any for him either. Hold your nerve. Good luck.

What does that even mean to “be really crap at presents”?! Set a decent budget worthy of the person you care about. Ask them what they want. Ask other people who know them what they might want. Be organised, wrap things nicely. If he cared about her he would have bothered more than this.

He is sending a clear message: this is how little I care about you.

Obviously, leave the bastard, if you practically can, you aren't happy anyway.
But, if deliberate, why use birthdays like this? Why not some other way? It's perplexing, why not other, more common, daily situations?
Sorry I don't understand this mindset.
💐