DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

That's a really interesting job! We follow a few travel influencers and it's a lot of work. The ones that earn money from it work seriously hard. I think you need to lean into this with some curiousity and watch some of her content. If nothing else, it will give you something to talk about at Christmas. As for cancel culture, that's not something I'd be worried about. Same with privacy - the people we follow often don't feature their partners.

Don’t say anything.
Your dh sounds very condescending. Does he hold the same view about manual workers too?

We have neighbours that make a living from their YouTube channel, they do extremely well from it and get a fortune worth of freebies. They have their own company and being nosey I had a look on companies house and it is millions in profit! Don't be too quick to scoff, she may have a travel empire in a few years.

My Dad faced similar attitudes to your Dh's when he started his career in the late 60's.... as a computer programmer. Just because it isn't something that has been done before doesn't make it not worth doing.

More and more people consume entertainment via social media channels and it is becoming more mainstream for companies to use it as a marketing tool. If she was an advertising or marketing exec would your husband be so dismissive?

Your husband needs to catch himself and leave your son to lead his own life.

Unfortunately you do sound incredibly judgmental. Is she kind? Is your son happy? Think about the important things!

At least she isn’t a management consultant - a role which fits this description to a tee

Yet, your IQs aren’t high enough for you to figure out that that job market has changed massively, new avenues opening up whilst thousands close? And people are going to exploit those avenues and the lucky/talented/good at business ones are going to be successful.

I do know someone whose DD spent most of her teens posing in a skimpy bikini on a boat. I thought it was vacuous and so did her mum, but then...
She parlayed that into a successful career with a top advertising agency.

I think the discussion around whether a travel influencer is a legitimate career is a red herring actually.

The biggest stand out for me is how involved OP and DH seem to want to be in the son’s choice of partner. Like another PP said you’re not the selection committee and, unless there’s a huge piece of context missing, I’m surprised anyone in this day and age thinks they are.

Don’t get me wrong, parents should definitely step in when there are actual red flags. Partners with harmful behaviours having a negative impact on their kid’s lives. Drugs, crime, abuse of any sort etc. But this poor woman just doesn’t meet the pre-set standards of having a proper job (and a high IQ apparently). It reads to me like your DH doesn’t think an “influencer” is a suitable wife for his son and mother to his grandchildren and he feels he should step in. But typically in this day and age he doesn’t get a choice.

I might be thinking could his income support them both, if they got married and if her business slumped. But she could perfectly easily get a conventional job in that case, just like most people. And anyone's job can become redundant.

One of our junior lawyers had a side hustle as an influencer / blogger. She turned us down for a £100k NQ position as she explained she could make much more money from blogging. She knew it wouldn’t last forever but for now it makes sense (more enjoyable life than being a lawyer!). No low IQ issues at all. After 20 years in professional services career I’d swap for blogging my (free) lunch and making a ton of money if I could 🤣

Omg none of this has anything to do with you or your husband.

She is working and earning money - that’s all that should matter.

And your son is happy! Leave him to get on with his life.

I agree with your husband that there are times when you will voice your opinion - of course there are! But this is not one of them.

DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl.

And how is DH’s business nous then? I assume he’s a high flyer, for him to judge this ‘girl’ (presumably she’s a woman OP) in this way. If he is, he should actually probably applaud her money making mindset, surely, and encourage more of it. His EQ sounds lacking for a start.

I wouldn’t want to be an influencer, but she’s exploiting a market and having a great time travelling by the sounds of it. Do you really think you choose one career and stick at it forever?

The fact that she's making a decent living via social media at a time when it's never been more saturated/competitive says a lot about her.

It's a phenomenal amount of work, learning multiple platforms, marketing, production and editing, creative, PR...and it's non-stop.

The fact that your husband thinks it's indicative of a low IQ unfortunately says a lot more about him than it does about her.

Bite your tongue

I think this is a pretty viable career choice for many these days, although to do well in it you would have to be pretty good

remember a you tuber will likely win strictly come dancing this weekend, times and attitudes have changed

as long as she is a nice girl and treating ds well, I’d bite my tongue

I think perhaps your husband has fallen into the trap of thinking it’s a lazy or easy career based on nothing. I’ve just been thinking about it (it’s not something I know a lot about nor is it part of ‘my generation’) and it has occurred to me that there are probably loads of quite high-level skills involved, and she must be at the higher end if she’s doing really well out of it. For example, creativity to come up with the ideas, the technical skills for producing it and editing…. business skills to make it lucrative, the personal skills to ensure that she engages people… That all adds up to more than what most young adults might need in a job! I think your husband needs to reframe it a bit in his mind.

Possibly because these are very traditional roles. Being an entrepreneur is always going to seem a precarious way to make a living if you have gone through very traditional channels in your life.

I left a secure (traditional) job in my forties to join a start up company, it did pretty well, didn't make me a fortune but certainly contributed to a comfortable retirement. It could have gone the other way.

Just look at influencing as the modern day one person advertising agency. That is/was a fine career choice, so why not this?

I can appreciate nice travelvlogs and if she makes money out of it, she must be doing something right.

Sorry, but your DH sounds extremely judgemental.

Your DH needs to remember that some jobs which didn’t exist when he was younger now do and that computers and AI will be/have taken over some jobs that he grew up with.

The world is changing; embrace it or be left behind.

Then good job she’s not your child. But you might want to acknowledge you get no say over what your children choose as a career.

To be a successful influencer you need good business sense, to be creative and innovative and to have a strong work ethic to be consistent with high quality content. All extremely transferable skills if SM stops being profitable. It’s not as vapid as it first seems, and requires more intelligence and tenacity than a lot of other jobs out there.

Maybe I'm old and jaded but 'Influencing' to this extent does seem to be a job for the young and beautiful. As long as DS' GF has qualifications for an alternate career path (which it sounds as though she does) when she's no longer in the first flush of youth, I think she will be just fine.

And yes, I am aware that there are some older influencers, but they don't tend to have the 'reach' (or the selection of wonderful freebies) that the young, gorgeous and fabulously presented ones do.

Can you explain to DH that she’s actually doing a marketing job? Some brands have moved almost entirely away from traditional marketing channels and spend their advertising/marketing budget on influencers and they see great returns!
I agree that it seems a precarious career from the outside and so wouldn’t encourage it but that’s no different to many self employed roles. As long as she respects your boundaries re privacy there shouldn’t be a problem

Omg so embarrassing. It comes across like fragile male ego.

She's the type of bubbly popular girl all the boys want and his son is dating and it harks of DH nit growing out of being one of those dorky boys that hates people he labels as jocks and the popular crowd because he thinks they're beneath him... but only because he's desperate to be in with them and he thinks they would shun him.

Classic insecurity.

Just do you. Be nice, friendly, supportive. Don't make his problem your problem.

I’m wondering if the reason you and your darling husband have such a problem with this “girl” is because you worry your “boy” doesn’t measure up.

To be a content creator and earn an income from it requires all sorts of skills in creativity, marketing, sales, advertising, social media, technology, etc.

To be successful requires her to be forward thinking, dynamic, curious, motivated, and passionate.

You’d be happier if she had a bog standard £27k a year marketing job but because she’s got the courage to go self employed and has an entrepreneurial spirit and an ambitious nature, you’re horrified.

Even if it doesn’t last, she’s got so many career options where she will be much better paid than if she’d stuck to employed jobs.

If you’re boy has the same attitude as you, she’ll hopefully soon realise she can do better and find a more driven and successful partner like herself.

Content creation pays very well. Contrary to what some oldies may think (and i’m an oldie myself) it is a proper career and she will probably out earn your DH so he needs to keep it zipped.