Son dumped by gf -update

[OneGreenPoster]

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full.
Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner.
Not much else to say on the matter.
I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

Your husband has his head screwed on straight in this situation. Time for a Father/Son talk about how to treat women with respect I think.

Thanks for the update OP. Thoughtful of you.

She did, really, when she raised the subject. He is perfectly entitled not to want to get married and she is perfectly entitled to end the relationship and find someone who does if she wants a family. Well done her for not hanging around waiting for him while her fertile years decline. I know someone who did this and by the time they split up she had lost her chance and regretted it.

She’s quite right. I’m sick to the back teeth of women hanging around waiting for men to propose. Always an excuse, and then they have kids, and the men fuck off and go with someone else.

I made very clear early on to DH that I wanted marriage, and I had no intention of spending years and years with someone who didn’t want to marry me

He shut down the discussion and called her conversation silly

Or she simply got bored of a relationship she could no longer see going anywhere and fell out of love. That doesn’t require anyone else to be waiting in the wings, and tbh she could be very happy to be single now.

What a horrible post

No doubt you encouraged him to harass her into changing her mind which led to this. At least your husband has some sense.

Whilst it is always hard to watch a child go through anything painful, emotional or otherwise, it is important to let adult children work their way through it. By all means support them, talk to them, be there for them... even offer advice (if they ask). However, standing back and not bringing your emotions into their situation is crucial here.

In all honesty, I can't ever think of a situation where a partner's mother trying to smooth anything over would be wise. If his girlfriend has made her choice about what she wants, that should be respected. There must have been a significant misalignment with their wants and needs in their relationship. Not a situation healthy for either of them.

Whilst any parent can relate to feeling awful when one of our children is hurting, we can't fix it for them. That's their work to do.

Love that there's other people who listen to radio 4 on AIBU!

He really needs to get a clue

She is done. When he addressed her wanting to discuss their relationship as "silly", she knew this was over. He dismissed her then just like he's dismissing her NO right now.

Who taught him it was ok to dismiss what women say like this? Because he is out of line and it's good that she's asking him to leave.

He fucked up and now he's being an asshole because she's had it with his bullshit.

Good luck, he's going to need it because it sounds like he hasn't learned a damn thing.

Oh dear. I said on the last thread I would have told him to be gone before I got back from the Christmas party.

Instead he has been harassing her. Does he know how unattractive pestering and begging is? As well as worthy of informing the police if he continues.

Your husband is the only sensible one here. Silly little boy has a lot of growing up to do.

You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…..

There is an Archers thread.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/5459508-archers-thread-193-christmas-in-ambridge-dont-expect-any-wise-men-or-women-discuss-the-archers-here

My thoughts exactly! Or he's the reason she dumped the boyfriend in the first place.

So you haven't read the last thread where the OP wanted to go round and Talk some sense into her ?

You are absolutely psychic! 😆

In what way? Its mostly accurate from what the op has said in both threads (the inaccurate bit being that she's visiting Poland to see family)

She did ask him and he put her in a holding pattern, expecting that she would wait indefinitely if that was his preference.

Thank goodness she had enough self respect to say, actually O have made my own decision to walk away.

I am also of the opinion that it is much much more likely that you are projecting your own value system, than it is that she has a replacement lined up. My guess is she will take some time alone to revel in her fabulousness and then come out ready to meet men.
She is a total Queen.

Ooh, I haven't seen that. Just a thread or a whole topic? I purposely specified AIBU because the juxtaposition is particularly fine.

Why would she propose.
She asked about timeframes and he clearly is not ready. How would her proposing change that?

And there is nothing wrong with not wanting to marry. But that means you are incompatible with somebody who does want marriage so separating is correct.

I think there is a lot of bashing of the OPs son, they are not compatible because she wants a commitment and he does not.

She has dumped him, which she is quite within her rights to do.

He has begged for another chance (unwise as it rarely works) but he'll not be the first man or woman to do so.

He's not the devil, he's just not right for her or vice versa, and they have broken up, looks like its going to be a bit acrimonious, most break ups are to some extent

You should both listen to your husband. What the hell was your son thinking texting and calling her after the suggested pity "proposal" call after she dumped him? He sounds a bit dim.

That was such a weird thread! The lengths people go to to blame others for their problems...

OP, it's normal enough to message/phone and try to apologise but there comes a point where it crosses the line into harassment. I'd encourage your ds to listen to his dad for the next while.

Sorry your son is upset. It cant be easy for you as a Mum to watch him learn this hard lesson in love. But I do think yabu. I think when he said he is not into 'silly' timelines was a little dismissive. If this woman is serious about her future and family planning, then 3 years is about the right time to be asking what the future holds. She gave him the opportunity to show her how serious he is and he showed her he is not that serious. She obviously loves him but loves herself more as it should be right? It is probably for the best for him. He could meet someone who sees marriage in the future but is just as relaxed about it as he is. Or he could meet someone and really love them and learn from this experience and show how serious he is about the future and not let her slip away again. Hope he can find some perspective in all of this and he is able to move forward positively.

Yes she wouldn’t let him
stay at her place if she had someone else
lined
up