All our children are different religions, Christmas is feeling overwhelming

[Ellipsie]

DH and I have 4 children, all now adults, all married. We are CofE Christians, our children were raised CofE Christians and Christmas for us has always been religion first.

Our eldest DD married a lovely Muslim and converted to Islam. Her 2 children are being raised Muslim.
Our youngest DD married her best friend from secondary school, he is Jewish, he leans liberal and isn’t as devout as DD1s family, but they celebrate Jewish holidays, go to synagogue for Yom Kipur/Rosh Hashanah etc. and always without fail have Shabbat dinner with his family. Their daughter is now 3 so more aware than in previous years.
Both of our DS are loosely Christian, church on Easter and Christmas only but do view Christmas as being religion first.

For our daughters they both have different approaches to Christmas.
My eldest daughter doesn’t want any presents for her children for Christmas, she has asked we celebrate them at Eid instead, which is of course understandable and absolutely fine. They will be joining us for dinner on Christmas Day though.
Our youngest daughter has a different approach where by they still celebrate Christmas “culturally”, so they do Father Christmas and have a Christmas tree etc. They also allow us to give their child a gift at Christmas.

Now our grandchildren are no longer babies I am finding it all a bit tricky to navigate. This year we have 7 grandchildren.
Our eldest DDs 2 children are now 4 and 2, our eldest son has a 3 year old and a 1 year old, our younger son has a 2 year old and a newborn and our youngest daughter has a 3 year old.

This is the first year we will be hosting Christmas with children who are aware of what’s going on. I’m terrified that as DD1 doesn’t want us give her children gifts they are going to feel awful as we will be giving the others gifts. I thought we could get around this by having our grandchildren who will get gifts come over earlier and receive them but as DD2 isn’t Christian and doesn’t do church that won’t be possible.

At the same time I’m also terrified about getting the language right, Christmas has always been religious for us, but now I’m thinking do I need to present everything as “well granny and grandad believe this, but others don’t”?

It’s got me very stressed out and I don’t want to upset or offend any of my children.

AIBU to struggle with this? Does anyone have any advice or ideas on how I can make this work?

@pusspuss9There's time in the day for religion. You just time it so arguments are avoided. It’s not the Christianity that’s really the issue though, it’s overall intolerance and lack of respect and kindness.

OP have you asked how DD1 approach the no present thing with her DC? Have you told her that you are worried that DC will be upset with you?

Can you organise some crafts so that they have something to take home (try baker ross)? Maybe have some little packs of bubbles for all the children or some new toys (unwrapped and laying out) for all the "children" to play with at your house? If DC likes it maybe at the end of the day then she could borrow one and bring it back next time?

I think she means that to celebrate Christmas would be like joining forces with the Catholics

I’m terrified that as DD1 doesn’t want us give her children gifts they are going to feel awful as we will be giving the others gifts. I thought we could get around this by having our grandchildren who will get gifts come over earlier and receive them but as DD2 isn’t Christian and doesn’t do church that won’t be possible.

Not sure I understand the sequitur here. But why not ask DD1 to come over a little bit later? She's the one throwing the spanner in the works, after all.

They expect your to celebrate Eid but they’re not willing to celebrate Christmas with you? No. I’d tell your daughter that if she’s coming to your house, you celebrate Christmas and you will be buying her child a gift. If she doesn’t like that, she doesn’t have to come. Invite them another day. I’m not religious and we exchange gifts at Christmas, it’s tradition, family time. My in laws were very religious and we respected that. Just tell your daughter politely that she either integrates into your family Christmas or she is welcome to come another day. It’s cruel to give all the grandchildren gifts except one little one, and I wouldn’t be participating in this.

Exactly!

'Rotten Borough(s)' meaning Tower Hamlets is oft mentioned in Private Eye's column of the same name. A column that tattles much-needed tales on corrupt and incompetent behaviour by UK councils and councillors.

Of course we no longer have true 'rotten boroughs', that is constituencies with very few voters who have parliamentary representation. The Reform Act of 1832 abolished them.

Genuinely interested in any factual errors in my post. I am bewildered as to why any woman in the developed world chooses to convert to Islam. Why join a religion that forbids you both from the priesthood, and even the main prayer hall, just because you're a woman?

I find religions fascinating, occasionally charming or endearing, but often horrifying. Islam worries me the most, and agree with the following Christopher Hitchens quote:

"Islam in its origins is just as shady and approximate as those from which it took its borrowings. It makes immense claims for itself, invokes prostrate submission or "surrender" as a maxim to its adherents, and demands deference and respect from nonbelievers into the bargain. There is nothing - absolutely nothing - in its teachings that can even begin to justify such arrogance and presumption."

From his excellent book 'God is not great'. Strongly recommended.