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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dreading team build day but don’t think I can not attend

161 replies

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 21:36

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

OP posts:

Vanillazebra · 15/12/2025 21:38

buy a good cover up, or take a robe with you

Eenameenadeeka · 15/12/2025 21:42

Go, but "forget"the bag that has your swim attire in it?

ShesTheAlbatross · 15/12/2025 21:43

Jesus who planned a sauna with colleagues??

Can you just get out of that part? “Oh no I’ve forgotten my swimming costume, I’ll just sit in the cafe with the book I appear to have brought with me instead”

Trepidfox · 15/12/2025 21:43

Oh OP I feel your pain, I really don't like anything Team buildy and to add the dynamic of having to wear swimwear is just the pits BUT it probably won't be as bad as you think, as PP said can you source a cover up from amazon or somewhere that can deliver quickly (if you don't already have one?) failing that pull a sickie, nothing related to work is worth causing you such anxiety and especially at Xmas time!

Brightbluesomething · 15/12/2025 21:44

That sounds awful. I can’t imagine any HR dept would want to force a staff member to get undressed and use a sauna in working hours when you’re not happy to. Say no.
I would not want to see my colleagues barely clothed either. None of this is in your job description and it’s a recipe for a whole mess of grievances.
If you don’t want to speak to HR beforehand just forget your swimwear as PP’s have said.

vincettenoir · 15/12/2025 21:45

Grab a towelling robe when you get there or even pack one.

Badslipperluck · 15/12/2025 21:46

Saunas and extreme temperature changes bring on your migraines/other ailments don't they?

ChristmasHug · 15/12/2025 21:46

Good grief, who signed off on taking your clothes off around your colleagues? Our HR would have a fit.

I'd probably say no, I hate getting wet even if it's nice and warm. For getting your swim stuff is fine too..

Littlemisscapable · 15/12/2025 21:48

This is soooo grim. You are definitely within your rights to say you don't want to participate in this part but it's so awkward. Is this at the end ? Don't you have an important child related appt to be at ?

schoolfriend · 15/12/2025 21:50

sond good ideas from chat gpt

https://chatgpt.com/s/t69408257f8ec819181479ee0c668847a

Id probably go with skin condition or blood pressure.

Followthesunshine · 15/12/2025 21:51

You are not being unreasonable. I would refuse to do that part of it, I wouldn't make a big issue out of it but simply not take swimming stuff and when it came to it I would say I'm passing on this part and see you in an hour.

AwfullyGood · 15/12/2025 21:54

My HR department would lose the plot of someone organised this in our workplace.

There is nothing in the world that could make me do a shared shauna with colleagues and I'm fairly hsppy with my figure. Horrible idea.

Sorry guys, I'm going to sit this one out. Never enjoyed suanas or ice baths
Give me a text when you're done and I'll catch up for the next event.

Or if you want to shut them up...can't join you, I've a veruca!

ChristmasChroniclesBookFairie · 15/12/2025 21:56

“I’m happy to attend, but I’m not comfortable participating in the activities themselves. Could I take on a supporting role instead?“

You would not catch me in swimwear with colleagues!

Twinkylightsg · 15/12/2025 21:57

I just wouldn't go. Sorry I just refuse to do sauna, even if I am on my own I never do it. Ice bath ? Ha. No thank you. See you at the Xmas social tho

TwistedWonder · 15/12/2025 21:58

Im HR and if one of the team managers suggested this as a team building exercise I would be having a very serious word and telling him it would be vetoed.

It’s absolutely inappropriate as feck.

ChillWith · 15/12/2025 22:02

Just be sick that day

Violetparis · 15/12/2025 22:02

There is no way on earth I would do this. Shame whoever organised this nonsense and say you are uncomfortable being asked to be around your colleagues with hardly any clothes on. Personally I would be more blunt and say there is not a chance colleagues are seeing me in swimwear.

Original poster

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 22:05

It has been done elsewhere in the company earlier this year - that’s where my manager got the idea, so it’s not an issue from that perspective unfortunately

OP posts:

Biffsboys · 15/12/2025 22:06

Just say no - you’re an adult and can decide for yourself .
Its definitely not in your contract that you must sauna with colleagues.

NoSoupForU · 15/12/2025 22:06

Jesus, who thought that was appropriate as a company approved activity in work hours?

I like my colleagues a lot. But I have zero desire for any of them to see me in what amounts to the equivalent covering of underwear, and I've no wish to be that closely acquainted with their bodies either. Its asking for trouble.

TootsMaHoots · 15/12/2025 22:08

It’s nuts. I can’t believe anyone would have thought that this was a good way to build teams. Let’s all take our clothes off now. There must be loads of medical reasons that people can’t go in saunas. Pick one of those. Do the other parts of the team building with gusto.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/12/2025 22:08

Yeah, I’d not want to be in swimwear or underwear - there’s not much difference - in front of colleagues. Even if you’re in a robe, you’d need to be in and out of it to use ice baths and saunas. I just googled it and high and low blood pressure are both conditions which mean you should avoid saunas and ice baths, so perhaps take your robe, quietly avoid what you can and then if pushed into things say it’s not something you fancy doing. This alone should suffice but if pushed further, you could mention the blood pressure and say you don’t want to be made to feel unwell to take part.

m00rfarm · 15/12/2025 22:08

Just say you don't want to have a sauna or an ice bath. Nothing to do with wanting to avoid people seeing me. I just would not do it as I don't like the idea of it.

Endofyear · 15/12/2025 22:11

I think it's perfectly acceptable to just say I'm not going to take part in that thank you. No way would I want to be seen or see colleagues in their swimwear!

I've been on training for work where there have been 'trust exercises' and activities where people were encouraged to share extremely personal experiences (e.g. grief or painful life events) where I've politely declined to participate and it wasn't a problem.

Vaxtable · 15/12/2025 22:14

As others have said I would just say now I am not taking part in the sauna element, and I would not take any swimming gear

it would be my worst nightmare

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