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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dreading team build day but don’t think I can not attend

161 replies

Oldtown2 · 15/12/2025 21:36

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

OP posts:

stichguru · 15/12/2025 22:15

I love my team and swim in a swimming costume in a public pool every week and even I think this is grim ! Just not appropriate unless it's like a team of two and they both want to do it. Not sure how to suggest you escape, but I hope you do!

BlackCoffeeAndSugar · 15/12/2025 22:19

Say you have a uti?

Chinsupmeloves · 15/12/2025 22:32

Now this would be a nice dilemma to have, paid days not working and just hanging out with colleagues! Sorry, don't mean to be negative, but in my field we barely get chance to talk so I would love being able to spend time with them socially rather than having to get together and pay for our own activities.

As to your issue, is there no one else who may feel the same? We imagine worst case scenario but then it comes to the moment there are others who are bigger but don't gaf!

Personally though, join in the other activities, but sauna time just say you're having a nap, have high BP so can't, simply not going. No one will think more about it, you don't have to give a reason, I'm sitting this one out.

Ahsheeit · 15/12/2025 23:06

Really not my thing, so I'm sitting this one out. See you in a bit.

You're under no obligation whatsoever to do this. I'm sure you won't be the only one.

LadyFriend · 16/12/2025 07:58

I would think you would have to sign a disclaimer to be medically fit for anything like this.So it would be very unfortunate if you had one of the conditions which prevented you from being able to do it. Or I would start coming down with the flu….

Suzzaney · 16/12/2025 08:02

Long ago when I was younger I would have agonised like you. These days I'd say 'No, that's not for me. I'll bring my book to read whilst the rest of you splash around'. End of.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 16/12/2025 08:06

BlackCoffeeAndSugar · 15/12/2025 22:19

Say you have a uti?

Really?!

NowThatsWhatICallRecent · 16/12/2025 08:11

"Hi boss - letting you know I won't be able to take part in the sauna/ice bath for health reasons"

ElfieOnTheShelfie · 16/12/2025 08:14

Yes I’d say no for health reasons; you don’t have to disclose them. Is there a nice lounge area you could relax with a coffee instead?

NellieJean · 16/12/2025 08:16

There’s a lot of flu about if you have even the slightest symptoms don’t risk passing it on will you.

MyKindHiker · 16/12/2025 08:16

Just speak to your boss / the organiser and make up an excuse to avoid the swimwear bit. Say you get migraines or have problems with your sinuses. No way would i be going in front of my colleagues in a swimsuit!

Zanatdy · 16/12/2025 08:17

Our work would never plan something like this. It would be an absolute no-no. I would be sick

LeonMccogh · 16/12/2025 08:19

A sauna isn’t an appropriate team building activity in the workplace. Just decline to take part.

User7854653 · 16/12/2025 08:19

Be glad you don't live in Germany because it's mandatory to be naked in saunas!

AtlasPine · 16/12/2025 08:19

You shouldn’t feel forced to make up a health reason. You can simply say that you won’t be doing the activities organised because you prefer to remain dressed when with work colleagues.

Doggymummar · 16/12/2025 08:19

I would just say no. I dont have a costume and its inappropriate. How is it team building is someone us anxious days in advance?

KilliMonjaro · 16/12/2025 08:20

ShesTheAlbatross · 15/12/2025 21:43

Jesus who planned a sauna with colleagues??

Can you just get out of that part? “Oh no I’ve forgotten my swimming costume, I’ll just sit in the cafe with the book I appear to have brought with me instead”

This! Completely inappropriate 😳

Ballondor · 16/12/2025 08:21

A sauna with colleagues??! Some employers are so clueless it’s painful.

Fundays12 · 16/12/2025 08:23

As someone who used to work in HR i am shocked this has been arranged. Its not appropriate or fair on employees as many will find it uncomfortable. You could always be sick that day.

Pacificsunshine · 16/12/2025 08:23

This is completely inappropriate. Does HR know?

Hiptothisjive · 16/12/2025 08:24

ChristmasChroniclesBookFairie · 15/12/2025 21:56

“I’m happy to attend, but I’m not comfortable participating in the activities themselves. Could I take on a supporting role instead?“

You would not catch me in swimwear with colleagues!

Exactly the right answer. Do not lie! This could bite you later. Go but don’t participate and just cheer people on.

You seem to be guessing about the day - do you actually know? Have you been told to bring a swimsuit?

TheatricalLife · 16/12/2025 08:24

If it's just one of the activities, say you don't fancy that one, take a book and a thermos of coffee and sit it out. I wouldn't fancy it either. Not worried about being in a cozzie, but it's just not something I'd want to do with colleagues. Don't take swimwear, don't make a big deal out of it and wave at them from a distance!

jimbort · 16/12/2025 08:26

I didn’t realise until I saw someone else do it that it is fine to just not take part in some of team building, you can say at the time “I’m not doing this part” you don’t have to give reasons or make excuses and no one has any right to ask questions or try and pressure you into it or make a fuss. Like I don’t think it detracts from their experience if I don’t take part. The sky doesn’t fall in, I won’t get fired, I think people were probably a bit jealous when I just started saying no to certain things. Hope you manage to be assertive. This would also be my worst nightmare. And I swim a lot and have seen some colleagues at the pool. Also I suffer from heavy and unpredictable periods so not even sure how insensitive you’d have to be to think it’s ok to have this as a team building as statistically there is likely to be one in your team who also has this problem.

TheGrimSmile · 16/12/2025 08:28

Tell them you have a UTI. I'd love to do something like this but I suffer from UTIs and wouldn't be able to sit around in a soggy swimsuit. Just say you'll watch them but you cant get in.

sammyspoon · 16/12/2025 08:28

So inappropriate. And so many reasons people wouldn’t want to do this. What if someone is in early stages of pregnancy?

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