Dreading team build day but don’t think I can not attend

[Oldtown2]

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

I think you can refuse the sauna part. Or wear a robe and sit on the side. Say you can't use the sauna due to medical reasons, delicate skin etc if you feel uncomfortable.
Also, I went on a company trip a few years ago, it was an overnight in a country house with activities and there was a sauna and hot tub.
A bunch of people used the sauna and hot tub but I had just come back from mat leave and didnt want to so didn't join in that part.
The people that used it, half of them got scabies. It was horrible.
I have never heard of anyone getting scabies before but at least 5 people caught it from the hot tub and sauna.
Really grim.
Make your excuses, say it irritates your skin and you can't use saunas and hot tubs.

I cannot use saunas or steam rooms for medical reasons.
Your work should have checked with people first.
It's an appalling idea for a team event.
Email the organiser and tell them it would be a health and safety issue for you.

I was forced on a team event that required running around and the organiser moaned at me as I wasn't making an effort, well duh, I have MS...

It’s completely inappropriate. It’s not just the swimwear aspect but sauna’s would rule out pregnant women and people with certain medical conditions. They should not be put in the position of having g to lie/cover if asked by other colleagues why they are not participating. It should be something everyone can participate in.

Ask to see the risk assessment - ice baths etc can bring on severe health reactions. I bet they have not done one. Ask to see the impact assessment - probably not one there either. Just tell HR you are not comfortable with having a swim wear / sauna experience with colleagues but will join in with all other activities. They really should have consulted on this first. Or just forget your swim wear and feign a headache when it comes to that part of the day is the easy option. Or if you are wanting the whole day at all then just be off sick for that day.

There's so many problems with this but the big one is what about women on their periods? Half of the team could potentially be dealing with heavy flooding which is not uncommon after having kids or during menopause. Tampons or a period swimming costume just won't work for me when I have my heavy flow days. This puts women in the awkward position of discussing their private medical issues with colleagues.

Honestly in your position I would tell them you're just not comfortable going to a sauna in your spare time, let alone with colleagues. Tell them you find it inappropriate to show that much of your body.

This is a good point, many women choose to keep pregnancy a secret for a long time until the risk of miscarriage is lower. They would be forced to out themselves.

Absolutely no fucking way would I do that with work colleagues. Are they mental?!

Gosh, I'd rather do the sauna than make up a UTI!

I think saying you can't/don't want to is fine if the rest of the day is valuable and something you want to do. Otherwise, be ill, you wouldn't have to be very ill to not want to get in an ice bath.

I can’t believe people are suggesting you call in sick, or make an excuse. You’re an adult! I would be explaining loud and clear why it’s inappropriate. There may also be colleagues feeling the same as you, so be the voice of reason.

Absolutely.

My company wanted to do a spa day. I refused outright to do anything that involved seeing my colleagues in any state of undress, bare feet included, and said I’m sure they would feel the same about me.

I was the only one who spoke up but several were grateful I did.

Speak to your manager. Say you're looking forward to the day and some activities but unfortunately you are not able to participate in anything that involves you or others getting undressed in the workplace.

Absolutely this. Its not big deal, you say no, Im happy to wear my clothes and sit in the cafe, see you after your activities.

Chances are if you are fully clothed theres bits of the sauna you cant go into, thats also fine. Sit in the restaurant or lounge bit, take a book or games on your phone.

Dont make up things like you're ill, forgot your costume or whatever, its not necessary. You're just happy to sit there and dont want to get changed thank you very much, I dont want to wear swimwear or a robe and Im happy sitting here thanks, have a nice time everyone

This is such a bad idea I can't believe that your firm is planning to do it!

Absolutely no way in hell, never. No.

I'd tell them you have high blood pressure and cannot participate, so will see them when they have finished.

I wouldn’t want to see any of my colleagues in swimwear, or for them to see me. I cAnt believe you’re alone in your reluctance!

My god there are a lot of fannies on this thread, whatever happened to just saying thanks but no thanks?

You're a grown woman not a kid trying to get out of a test at school - don't make up some convoluted excuse, just tell them no, along with all the really valid reasons this is a stupid idea. They can't force you to get your kit off in front of your colleagues.

I hate team building exercises, they are always bloody awful. Bit like being at school and having to participate in sports day, when you hate sports!! I think a sauna with work colleagues sounds like a nightmare! I wouldn't want to do that either. I'm surprised HR agreed to it to be honest. I don't think it's appropriate to put staff into a position where they may feel vulnerable and/or anxious. I'd either make up an excuse - high blood pressure (or similar) means you can't take part or be honest and say you feel extremely uncomfortable and will be passing on this activity.

This is the best and simplest answer to your problem

Contact HR. There are a few cultures where this would be unthinkable.

Even if you don't have religious Jews and Muslims working there at the moment you might in the future. No woman should be expected to be in a state of undress with males.

Just say you don't do saunas or ice baths. Be blunt that you cannot tolerate either. Send it in an email to your boss saying that you won't be taking part in those specific activities, but happy to go along to socialize. I wouldn't be weird, cagy or defensive about it. Just say to your colleagues you cannot tolerate extreme temps lime that, it leaves you feeling very ill.
If you do go, maybe take pics, offer towels, join in on fun and laughs to stay part of the group.

I'm confident about my body but the last thing I'd want to do see colleagues in swimwear. Sounds like a fever dream! YANBU. I'd just say openly I'm not comfortable with that activity and will not be joining them for that part. They can't make you do it.

I’m pretty certain this would trigger my IBS…

And if it didn’t I would say it had.

I love saunas. Hate team days. Refused to go on an old job’s one. You couldn’t get me into a sauna with colleagues! Don’t ‘forget’ your stuff, there’s going to be someone who’ll suggest going in in your bra and knickers. Just say not for me thanks, see you later. If you want to be snippy or get challenged, say that partial nudity exceeds all reasonable expectations of your role.

Agree with this comment 100%

I’d absolutely fake an illness that day. I couldn’t be arsed to explain my personal reasons for not stripping down to swimwear in front of professional colleagues.