Dreading team build day but don’t think I can not attend

[Oldtown2]

I work in a fairly small team, there’s only 7 of us.

On Thursday, it’s long been planned that there’s a team build day during working hours followed by our Christmas social.

The team build is offsite, some planning etc first thing and then a couple of activities. One of these activities is a sort of outdoor sauna thing (I think there’s ice baths etc too).

I am absolutely dreading this because I don’t want my colleagues to see me in my swimwear. I have had two children in quick succession and am still much bigger than I was before (I got as big as size 18 and am trying to get back towards my normal 12 but it’s a long process).

The problem is that this is during work hours so not really optional. All my colleagues today were going on about how excited they are for it and I was sat there trying to keep a smile on my face.

AIBU to refuse to do this, or fake a headache on the afternoon? I know I’m probably over thinking things but I can’t describe how anxious I feel.

Or just say it's not your cup of tea, you cant think of anything worse and you'll just watch them.

This is the way to go OP, you’d love to go but actually can’t do saunas. If someone asks why say it’s against medical advice and don’t elaborate. You think it’s a great idea and didn’t want to spoil anyone’s fun so didn’t say anything earlier! Only down side is they might think you’re pregnant.

Say you have high blood pressure & your doctor advised you not to go to saunas so you didn’t pack your swimming costume but will quietly read a book instead while they’re at the sauna & meet up afterwards.

I don't know what all the wailing is about - the OP has every right to just say No.

'Hi Dave. No I won't be getting into a sauna with you and the rest of the guys. I'll come on the non-sauna related activities but this is so inappropriate I don't even have words'.

@Oldtown2
Bloody hell!!!!
Absolutely no chance would I get my kit off in front of my colleagues.

Bow out gracefully
You: "Im sitting this one out"
Work: "oh why? C'mon, it'll be fun"
You: "you go have fun🙂"
Work: "C'mon everyone's doing it"
You: "nope, enjoy, see you in a bit" (walks away)

If anyone says anything afterwards:
"Not my cuppa tea but hope you all had fun"

Might be easier for me because I do nothing that I don't want to do and I'm more than able to say no and bugger the consequences.

Be firm, it sounds like a nightmare

It’s a real shame that that kind of thing often triggers ear infections for you, isn’t it OP?

seriously though, don’t take a swimming costume, say I don’t feel comfortable with this activity, so I’m going to sit this part out, ( write up some of the things you all talked about in the morning if it helps you feel more justified in doing that during work time) have fun and I’ll see you all this evening

It's not a very inclusive activity is it as it will exclude people who can't take part due to cultural, religious or personal reasons because of the swimsuit dress code. The activity also excludes people with health concerns from joining in the spa activities.

I'd email HR citing the reasons above and tell them that for Christmas 2026 the activities have to be more inclusive. Plus, it's giving the office pervert a chance to oggle freely which I'm sure HR won't be happy about.

Bottom line @Oldtown2 is no workplace can force you to put on a swimsuit and sit in a sauna.

You’re not a playboy bunny & you have rights in the workplace. I’m surprised any manager would think this a reasonable request and if you get negativity for not doing it I would be complaining to HR. They are skating on very thin ice.

I’m shocked that anyone would think this is appropriate.

Anyway, you can just say no. You hate getting wet and will be sitting down with a coffee and a book whilst others are sweating in the sauna.

I guarantee that as soon as one of you puts their foot down, others will follow.

It’s not entirely clear how well you get on with your colleagues OP so how you choose to handle it will be affected by that too.
If you get on well with them, when they start talking about the sauna chip in with ooh glad you reminded me I’ll make sure I’ve got my book, much as I love you all I’m not sitting in my undies with you! (That’s how someone in our team would handle it, and I’d wager a large sun of money they’d have company in readers corner!). If not, as others have suggested, just say the last time you had a sauna it made you unwell - faint, or skin complaint flared up, so you’ll see them when they come out.
I do really feel for you. I’m currently WFH because the team have decided to have Christmas dinner in a place where I’ve had food poisoning the last 3x I went. I joked I’d stay back so if everyone went down with it at least there’ll be someone to switch the lights on in the morning but I certainly won’t be sitting with them in the office when they come back.

I wouldn't get an ice bath full stop.
I wouldn't be in swimwear in front of 99% of my friends. Colleagues? Not a hope in hell. Never.

Tell them you have a medical reason for not being able to use a sauna.

YANBU. What the heck kind of team building activity is that? So inappropriate.

Response 1. Err nah. Not doing that. Sorry
Response 2. No I don’t like saunas. Sorry
Response 3. Saunas give me a migraine. Sorry
Response 4. Oh I’m not allowed to have saunas. Medical reasons. Sorry
Response 5. I’ve got flu. See you in three days.

This is absolutely nuts! I can't believe someone signed off the decision.

I would happily say I hate saunas and ice baths so won't be doing that bit - although I have LBP and a sauna would probably make me keep over so I would avoid for that reason anyway. But you shouldn't have to make up a medical excuse.

I would straight up refuse and not be frightened to say tell the truth - that you don't feel comfortable and won't be taking part. I hate these kind of things at the best of times and think this idea is completely unacceptable. Who in their right mind would ever think this was a good idea.

Honestly just say no way, not my bag. I say that to many team things and everyone just laughs and shrugs. No drama surely?

“Not my thing”. End of conversation. I’m willing to bet that if someone opts out they will be joined by others.

Not taking part in that element of the day definitely isn't going to be held against you. It's optional, saunas aren't mandatory in any setting!

Yes ‘sorry I’m not able to go in saunas at the moment’ (avoids an issue if you ever want to tell colleagues you’re going to a spa etc!)

I’d love to know more about your work place…I feel it must have all kinds of wacky stuff going on…seems like rich source material for a reunion of The Office!

(don’t tell us, I don’t want to “out” you!)

YANBU, however, sometimes it takes a kick to do something and you'll realise it's not so bad, you know?

If you can buy yourself a nice swimdress & take a nice beach cardigan.

You may feel uncomfortable for a bit but when you realise you can do it, your confidence will shine.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ecupper-Swimdress-Bathing-Beachwear-Swimming/dp/B08SMFZ68G/ref=sr_1_16?crid=207MQIQJGOSNA&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.kulLRbQ2a9anUH5uxfhSEMDDZ_FuVgyT4X1Ao8eYKANjOOfAIJaWZVNApkw4TemARKitMRr9o-gvJnd-mRIK9yyzS3CwMDMq-wVbKAoWm2SZ3rRhjFDYui-g6YfMaDcnloGsateujEpvrNEpnssx78-Ym9s1oemPuSFkxPTs2-gYayyQkpUlnL2lckeoXtAXb2DNZx4fqL8zT3LrIEYtXkROMaHjqr8vGVnocu4C5o3FwuE3M9m2evf6djP3Dg5EYVaCz_UVBM15vxJyTR8Z3gNN4hu-53qO5j-_2HQBHaI.lTJIeyaDOkLGiPVCm8R_GrG4S98-lsApcyn-vp4cc4g&dib_tag=se&keywords=swim%2Bdress&qid=1765876624&sprefix=swim%2Bdress%2Caps%2C106&sr=8-16&th=1&psc=1

These are so flattering

Totally just call in sick. A couple of day before to make it more realistic. There are so many bugs around nobody will suspect a thing. Then get comfy on the sofa and eat mince pies with the telly on. Sorted. No drama, no having to explain.

Honestly you shouldn't need to make up a UTI! Just say 'I don't enjoy sitting in saunas and don't fancy an ice bath. I'll be over here having a coffee and rejoin you after you're out.' Keep it simple!

You do not have to make stupid excuses!
Just say that you won't be doing that part because you don't want to. No other explanation necessary.