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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad that I’m the only person in my household who would enjoy a fancier Christmas meal?

165 replies

IndolentCat · 14/12/2025 18:31

I love food. OH sees it as fuel. I said will we have a little starter on Christmas (just a raw fennel and orange salad, with or without smoked fish, it’s lovely and very light). He said neither he nor his mum will want it because Christmas dinner is large- but actually we are only having a normal roast and no pudding because his mum has said she’s not interested in puddings (I’m cooking, but at hers). I just thought it would be nice to do something a bit fancier to mark the occasion, but they’re not at all interested.

I could make it just for me (OH’s suggestion) but really, what would be the point? Just feeling a bit sad that I am unlikely to every have a Christmas dinner or any meal which has more of a sense of occasion.

(OH has social anxiety and I don’t have any other family, he just has his mum. So it’s only ever going to be the two or three of us. Growing up and in my younger years food and meals in my family have always been a source of pleasure and a place of connection, but it’s just not like that now. I love OH and he is a really supportive, loving partner, this isn’t about him and certainly not a LTB situation!)

I am actually quite surprised at how sad I feel about this. I could cry, and that’s unreasonable I know!

OP posts:
birdling · 14/12/2025 18:32

Do it for you. If they don't want it, that's fine.

ThinIceSkater · 14/12/2025 18:34

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I'm the one in our household who likes 'nicer' food, but it seems wasted just to do it for one person!

I think you need to carve out the time to enjoy something you like for you.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 14/12/2025 18:35

Definitely make it for yourself.

Guidanceplease20 · 14/12/2025 18:36

We dont have starters and I do pudding but we rarely eat it until later as the main meal is sufficient, but I can see both sides.

Personally, I would still do starters like canapes (sounds like your idea would work like that), and if they dont eat them so be it - more for you!

I would also do pudding if you want it. Buy or make individual puddings so that it doesnt matter if only one person eats them.

Whatever you want to do - you do it! But dont be upset at others not wanting it as some people just dont rate food as important. Thats their choice.

cinnamonscented · 14/12/2025 18:37

Definitely do a starter for you! And also a beautiful pudding for you too. Savour every minute. Bah humbug to them and their no pudding. It’s Christmas, you enjoy it!

Iamnicehonest · 14/12/2025 18:38

Make it anyway. If they dont eat it thats their choice, but you enjoy what you want!!

Comtesse · 14/12/2025 18:38

Make yourself a nice starter AND have dessert available too! A meringue nest with red berries and whipped cream always works as a little dessert for one. You deserve the meal you want too - particularly if you’re the one cooking it!!

ApparentlyIsMyCircusAndMyMonkeys · 14/12/2025 18:38

YANBU but you’re going to need to find another avenue to ensure your needs are met. Neither DH nor his mother are likely to change, so all you can do is change how you feel about it. Do you have a friend you could go out for a nice Xmas meal with on another date? Another foodie who would be keen to enjoy something more special and something to look forward to.

This is what I’ve had to do as the extreme (and not financially driven) frugality and disgust of any ‘fuss’ on special occasions means there’s zero fanfare when we involve DH family in anything.

It used to get me down but now I love it! I know I’ve got something I’m looking forward to which charges me up for doing a birthday/Christmas day or whatever occasion it may be on their terms without resentment. Everyone wins.

Bigtreeesss · 14/12/2025 18:38

why don’t you make a fancy New Year’s Day meal for you & your boring DH?

I don’t think I’d bother making something just for me and I love cooking. So plan to do it another time

DeedlessIndeed · 14/12/2025 18:38

I don't do starters, but I love the nicer food at Christmas. It does make it feel special.

It must be so tough with a DH with social anxiety. Would he go out to a restaurant with you? Could you ask for restaurant vouchers for Xmas?

Also, I love Orange and Fennel salad. Ottolenghi has a great one with saffron and chicken - it is very yummy.

runningonberocca · 14/12/2025 18:39

I think your OH and his mum are being extremely rude. You are doing all the cooking. They should be polite enough to join you in the starters you have prepared. Who knows they may even enjoy them? At the moment he’s behaving like a spoilt child “ but I don’t like it… “ before he’s even tried.
Tell them that as you are cooking you are deciding the menu otherwise they’ll have to book a table in a restaurant- social anxiety or no social anxiety. It sounds miserable for you otherwise

sprigatito · 14/12/2025 18:39

Why does their way win every year?! Sit him down and tell him that you are going to take turns dictating the menu from now on. When it’s your turn, you will serve a starter and pudding, and there will be no face-pulling or rude comments from him or his mother. If they are both determined not to try either starter or pudding, that’s acceptable (though a tad pathetic) but they will sit and make civilised conversation during those parts of the meal.

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 18:40

Make it for you if you want it.

I see your DH's view too though, I'd rather save myself for the roast.

BlueJuniper94 · 14/12/2025 18:40

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 14/12/2025 18:35

Definitely make it for yourself.

But you can't exactly sit down and eat a starter while everyone else watches

sprigatito · 14/12/2025 18:41

Oh, and on “his” years, he can cook and serve his joyless pedestrian roast! I’d have a little microwave pudding stashed somewhere for me to scoff at leisure.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 14/12/2025 18:43

You are cooking, yes? Make what you like. They don’t have to eat it, though they probably will, and just eat a bit less dinner.

So make what you’d like to eat. If they want something else they can make it.

CremeEggThief · 14/12/2025 18:44

I agree with the posters who said go ahead and make it for yourself. It sounds like a refreshing and healthy starter that you will enjoy. No need for all this drama about why nobody else will eat it though. That's their loss surely?

superchick · 14/12/2025 18:44

A roast isn't compulsory. Might be a bit late for this year but next year why dont you plan something completely different.

Papyrophile · 14/12/2025 18:47

If you are going to enjoy preparing the food, then I think you should give yourself the pleasure of doing so. I love to cook too, and doing something new is my personal indulgence, so IMO you should cook what you fancy.

174ghxt · 14/12/2025 18:48

Food matters to me and so does a sense of occasion/it's Christmas so let's indulge, so I get that you're disappointed. Having said that, I wouldn't want a starter before Christmas dinner. Christmas Dinner with all the trimmings is a big meal and I would want room for all of it! If I were you, I probably wouldn't sit there alone with my starter if they weren't eating. But I would definitely have a little individual Christmas pudding for me afterwards, with double cream, maybe brandy cream....and I would make the roast fabulous, with large amounts so you can have cold turkey and other leftover bits and bobs on subsequent days. It's a shame your man isn't a bon viveur but if he's a good man, a lot of women would give a great deal for that, so count your blessings!

Original poster
IndolentCat · 14/12/2025 18:48

I mean, I have got things I can nibble and eat (and drink!) but it’s more the enjoyment of the meal itself. We used to have ours later on, stretching it through the day, and make it a real occasion, but his mum wants it at 1 o’clock and it’ll be done and dusted by 1:30. God knows what we’ll do for the rest of the afternoon!

i might see if I have any friends who’d be up for another go at it. I was thinking of taking myself out for my birthday in January actually, because it’s occurred to me that while I’m also an introvert, I’m in danger of shrinking my world to a smaller size than i really want it to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
IndolentCat · 14/12/2025 18:50

CremeEggThief · 14/12/2025 18:44

I agree with the posters who said go ahead and make it for yourself. It sounds like a refreshing and healthy starter that you will enjoy. No need for all this drama about why nobody else will eat it though. That's their loss surely?

Yes but I’ll feel a bit awkward eating it alone at the table, or hiding in the kitchen with it!

OP posts:
ilovepixie · 14/12/2025 18:50

Make it for yourself. And take time to teach your husband about food. Introduce him to new foods, he might surprise you.

Coffeeishot · 14/12/2025 18:50

They sound joyless, have a starter have a pudding if that is what you want.

BlueJuniper94 · 14/12/2025 18:50

IndolentCat · 14/12/2025 18:48

I mean, I have got things I can nibble and eat (and drink!) but it’s more the enjoyment of the meal itself. We used to have ours later on, stretching it through the day, and make it a real occasion, but his mum wants it at 1 o’clock and it’ll be done and dusted by 1:30. God knows what we’ll do for the rest of the afternoon!

i might see if I have any friends who’d be up for another go at it. I was thinking of taking myself out for my birthday in January actually, because it’s occurred to me that while I’m also an introvert, I’m in danger of shrinking my world to a smaller size than i really want it to be.

This sounds like it is about more than food...