To feel a bit sad that I’m the only person in my household who would enjoy a fancier Christmas meal?

[IndolentCat]

I love food. OH sees it as fuel. I said will we have a little starter on Christmas (just a raw fennel and orange salad, with or without smoked fish, it’s lovely and very light). He said neither he nor his mum will want it because Christmas dinner is large- but actually we are only having a normal roast and no pudding because his mum has said she’s not interested in puddings (I’m cooking, but at hers). I just thought it would be nice to do something a bit fancier to mark the occasion, but they’re not at all interested.

I could make it just for me (OH’s suggestion) but really, what would be the point? Just feeling a bit sad that I am unlikely to every have a Christmas dinner or any meal which has more of a sense of occasion.

(OH has social anxiety and I don’t have any other family, he just has his mum. So it’s only ever going to be the two or three of us. Growing up and in my younger years food and meals in my family have always been a source of pleasure and a place of connection, but it’s just not like that now. I love OH and he is a really supportive, loving partner, this isn’t about him and certainly not a LTB situation!)

I am actually quite surprised at how sad I feel about this. I could cry, and that’s unreasonable I know!

Will they have coffee or something,

I’d make it and pudding too. So what if they don’t want to eat it? You can save leftovers for Boxing Day. They are essentially your guests if you are doing all the cooking. I don’t let my guests dictate what I cook them, taking into account allergies, etc. Make what you want!

You’re doing the cooking so you choose the menu, I say! Make the starter, make the pudding. They don’t have to eat it. But I think you should love and enjoy it.

How old are you? Are you likely to have children? Or perhaps do you have any nice close friendships? It sounds like you’re a little lonely, just you, OH and his mum.

Of course you can.

It sounds like you have bigger issues than just the food.

You don't sound very happy

Not really, too awkward to be enjoyable

"but his mum wants it at 1 o’clock and it’ll be done and dusted by 1:30. God knows what we’ll do for the rest of the afternoon!"

What? No. You're cooking, you're in charge of the menu. Why are some people so determined to treat Christmas Day like any other day? If you're stuck with those timings this year, could your salad be part of a light tea that evening?

I agree with a pp that you need to find a friend/group of friends to have a fancier Christmas dining experience before December 25th.

If you have canapes then you can eat them in with others while having a drink.

There is a lot of compromise with the elderly! My grandad used to be picked up, ate lunch at 1pm with us, and wanted to go straight home! No drinking for the driver. He didnt eat huge portions but he never determined the menu - he just ate the amount he wanted.

But he wasnt here forever so it was something we all understood.

Dont get upset with other not eating though. Thats their choice.

Ah, I am happy in my relationship and my life. This is a very small part of life. On a year when my daughter is with us I can make it more as I want because we won’t be at MiL’s house (we don’t all fit).

but maybe the disproportionate response I’m having is indicative that I need a little bit more.

Kindly, you are being a bit silly. I don’t like having starters before Christmas dinner because there’s only so much food that can be consumed in one meal, and the starter that is as nice as a roast doesn’t exist.

Ask yourself how much better you would really feel about the situation if they both fancied your fennel thing. I expect it wouldn’t make much difference.

I dunno. Kind of YABU. Dh and I both like 'nice' food. He's an outstanding cook and made a 10 course tasting menu for Christmas Eve dinner last year. But Christmas dinner is Christmas dinner. It's traditional and it's big and filling. I wouldn't be fussed about a salad starter either tbh. Maybe do something fancier for NYE?
It does sound like it's about more than the food though. We spend a long time at the table for Christmas lunch and really enjoy it.

Kindly, not everyone thinks a roast dinner is the pinnacle of culinary delight, and it’s OP’s Christmas too!

Only if you let it be that way

DH and I always eat separately though so I have no issues with enjoying a starter or dessert without him.

You’ll need to eat something later on if you’re having Christmas dinner at 1pm, so have your starter and pud then (with or without your DH and MIL).

My sister lost her sense of smell and taste in 2020 with Covid and never got it back. She loves to cook and bake but says she can tell if something is sweet and that’s it. She used to have a really keen sense of smell too. Food is just texture now - horrible!
To not enjoy (or be able to enjoy) one of life’s great pleasures? Tragic! Food is so much more than fuel.

Absolutely make it! And bring a pudding! You can enjoy it and you never know, one day they might try it. Does your oh know how upser you are? He might try it if he does as it’s important to you.

I also think you need a ‘friendsmas’.

Good point. It will still probably be a bit of a lonely buffet but it’s a good point.

I thought the same! why is this whole day about what dp and his mum want? you're in danger of diminishing yourself and making yourself invisible in this relationship by going along with what everyone else wants.

Everyone needs more than just their partner. It's not healthy to make your world so small.

Everyone's not going to like the same food. You just make what everyone likes, I do that, I have my fish starters, the others have soup etc we all don't eat the same veg so I do what everyone likes that way we all have a dinner we like and I'm not squeezing roast potatoes between my teeth because I hate them.

I'd would, very politely, disagree. Starters are (or should be) the most exciting part of the meal...

Many people don't feel that much about food. I do.

Do a version for yourself of what you want and offer a taste of it to them on the day. Ignore their "ew" faces if they do them. You never know, maybe they won't...!

Can't you just do it? 😄

Go all out for yourself, take photos, maybe offer some on olio???

Make a tiktok/Facebook post about how you made each one if you like

Go for it! I'm the same, its just me and my autistic dd(6) and dcat. Christmas dinner for dd is meat and french fries and the cat will have some meat

I just do it for myself 🥰🥰

YABU to be sad over their preferences. But no one has stopped you from making anything have they? Stop with the self pity and make something that makes you happy. Or perhaps just buy a fancy salad and dessert if you don't want to make the effort for one.

It won't be their loss if you don't make it or do but it will be your loss to not have something you enjoy.
.