To feel a bit sad that I’m the only person in my household who would enjoy a fancier Christmas meal?

[IndolentCat]

I love food. OH sees it as fuel. I said will we have a little starter on Christmas (just a raw fennel and orange salad, with or without smoked fish, it’s lovely and very light). He said neither he nor his mum will want it because Christmas dinner is large- but actually we are only having a normal roast and no pudding because his mum has said she’s not interested in puddings (I’m cooking, but at hers). I just thought it would be nice to do something a bit fancier to mark the occasion, but they’re not at all interested.

I could make it just for me (OH’s suggestion) but really, what would be the point? Just feeling a bit sad that I am unlikely to every have a Christmas dinner or any meal which has more of a sense of occasion.

(OH has social anxiety and I don’t have any other family, he just has his mum. So it’s only ever going to be the two or three of us. Growing up and in my younger years food and meals in my family have always been a source of pleasure and a place of connection, but it’s just not like that now. I love OH and he is a really supportive, loving partner, this isn’t about him and certainly not a LTB situation!)

I am actually quite surprised at how sad I feel about this. I could cry, and that’s unreasonable I know!

Tell DH how sad you feel, tell him you'd like to make a starter for all of you, and if they don't eat much of it that's OK, but it would make you happy to make an occasion out of it.

If he's supportive and understanding like you say, I'm sure he will be on board. If not - like others have said, make it for yourself. If they wanna sit and watch you eat your fabulous starter, let them. Enjoy yourself, life's too short to waste missing out on things you love!

I’m not a huge fan of Christmas food but my husband loves it so we have a big traditional dinner. I’ve started doing myself a fancy seafood Christmas Eve dinner which is much more my cup of tea so we get the best of both worlds now.

You said the meal would be 'just a normal roast'
but why?
I know you are doing slow cooked lamb, but it is up to you what you put with it.
You can have more sides than normal, decide to do sprouts with chestnuts or honey roast parsnips or pigs in blankets, whatever you want. Jazz it up a bit and make it special.
If MIL and DH just have a taste or don't taste, that is OK, don't woryy, it was there, it made it special, it is up to them if they want to try it or not.

and definitely do a pudding. I woudl buy one of the single person christmas puds, turn the lights out and drench it in warm brandy and set it alight
Doesn't matter if you don't eat it. It is part of the fun.

Why does his mum get to dictate the start, and particularly the finish, time in your house?

I love food and I love a fancy starter, but for me Christmas is a feast day. It's all about a loaded table, rather than fancy starters. I never have a starter with Christmas dinner, although I would do dessert in your situation, even if I knew no one else wanted it.

You actually need to read at least the ops posts, as the answers are in there, it’s his mums house,

I have my own starter and dessert if no one else is interested. You deserve it ! People can do what they want that includes you.

If you are cooking, you are in charge. Just make the Christmas dinner you would like and serve it to all three. If they don't eat it (they will), store it for tomorrow or the next day. We always have a late lunch (3pm ish) at Christmas and the "dessert" becomes our tea at about 6pm because it IS all too much in one go. They will be peckish by then too, I am sure, and grateful for your forethought. Your DH is probably just saying that to save you the extra time etc.

Nah, it really wouldn’t hurt for OB and MIL to have a go at a little starter and make something of Christmas Dinner. As I’ve said elsewhere, why are they even at MILs if she’s not bothered about Christmas dinner??

why are they even at MILs if she’s not bothered about Christmas dinner??

She initially said she didn’t mind being alone because it’s only a day; but when DP probed a bit it turned out she did want company after all.

I’ve made my peace with it. It’s a day- we will keep a few gifts at home and have another Christmas when we’re back, just the two of us or with my dc. Mil is quite elderly and I’m happy to go and keep her company, be a buffer for my dp who hates going there for Christmas, and make her feel happy and loved. That’s what it’s about, isn’t it?

(I may have also added a few nice bits to the shopping list which I’ll probably be the only person eating, so… 😁😇)

Sounds perfect! Seems you've reached the best balance. Enjoy your treats!

Blimey. Sounds like pigs at a trough.

I celebrate with 2 very much loved people who both have ARFID. After depriving myself too many times, I learned that it is absolutely worth the effort to make something just for me on a special occasion.

Sometimes I make a small portion. Sometimes I freeze the extra and have it for later. Sometimes I just revel in having leftovers all to myself for several days.

That sounds like the sort of Christmas Day that I assumed everyone did. Till I went to my inlaws for the first time and realised that FIL ate very quickly and then just went into the other room on his own. I was a bit shocked at the speed of it all, it was a little bit "get the meal out the way so we can go and sit in front of the telly" type of feeling. And MIL did everything while all FIL did was make coffee afterward.

They have got better as the years have gone on, and now we all sit chatting taking our time a bit more.

Charmed, I’m sure!

I can’t imagine eating a cold roast, which it would be if it took longer than 15 mins to eat.

It’s like people who boast how long they have sex for, when actually if they timed themselves, they’d realise they’re much quicker.

I see my parents weekly and have three young kids. Sitting at the table for 3 hours isn’t an option for us. We eat at the table, then move onto the next part of the day whether that’s a film or a walk. If that makes me a pig at a trough, then so be it!