To feel a bit sad that I’m the only person in my household who would enjoy a fancier Christmas meal?

[IndolentCat]

I love food. OH sees it as fuel. I said will we have a little starter on Christmas (just a raw fennel and orange salad, with or without smoked fish, it’s lovely and very light). He said neither he nor his mum will want it because Christmas dinner is large- but actually we are only having a normal roast and no pudding because his mum has said she’s not interested in puddings (I’m cooking, but at hers). I just thought it would be nice to do something a bit fancier to mark the occasion, but they’re not at all interested.

I could make it just for me (OH’s suggestion) but really, what would be the point? Just feeling a bit sad that I am unlikely to every have a Christmas dinner or any meal which has more of a sense of occasion.

(OH has social anxiety and I don’t have any other family, he just has his mum. So it’s only ever going to be the two or three of us. Growing up and in my younger years food and meals in my family have always been a source of pleasure and a place of connection, but it’s just not like that now. I love OH and he is a really supportive, loving partner, this isn’t about him and certainly not a LTB situation!)

I am actually quite surprised at how sad I feel about this. I could cry, and that’s unreasonable I know!

Where's your daughter this year, OP?

They do sound a very joyless pair, tbh. I think I'd rather be at home alone cooking what I wanted in my own kitchen.

Starters are the point of the meal at which you can be extravagant without it costing a fortune. Two scallops per person at £1.50 per scallop is expensive, I agree, but lobster as a main course for 8 people would be ruinous. Which is why people have turkeys.

Well, obviously the OP is not comfortable doing so

Yes, I would do it anyway, make it festive. You may find they join in and enjoy if it is put in front of them.

I think you need to have a talk with your husband about how this makes you feel sad. It wouldn't hurt him to make a bit of an effort.

As for pudding, some sort of fruity concoction would be palate cleansing and light.

Honestly, buck up! You are in charge. They will eat when you serve it. Lay the table nicely, with crackers. Serve the starter, do your crackers, have a glass of fizz.

So it’s now 1.30pm, serve the main.
Get the, to do the clearing up while you have a sit with a coffee. Serve a fancy dessert instead of your evening meal.

But you can't blame other people for that and let it ruin your day (well, you can I guess, but it's a bit silly).

If it makes you feel any better, OP, I live alone and very occasionally cook myself something wildly extravagant (with pudding) and sit and eat it in splendid isolation. Well, the dog stares at me now and again.

Food should be a pleasure. Your OH and his mum clearly don't feel that way, which is up to them, but YOU are allowed to luxuriate in a meal now and again. They can slope off with their frugal coffee to compare how 'full up' they are while you tuck into something wonderful and creamy and listen to a terrific podcast!

Daughter is at her dad’s this year. But she’s a very fussy eater too!!

You’re all right that I could just make it, and maybe I will. It’s not that they wouldn’t enjoy it- I’m sure they’d eat it and enjoy it- but that they don’t see the point (and OH has a very small appetite anyway so he might be put off the main course by having a starter, however light).

Anyway, it’s nice to feel validated so thank you all for constructive and sympathetic points

When my children were little I used to do a starter on Xmas day just for me, then a pudding just for me. It was just because they only wanted the actual main course until they got older when they still didn’t want a starter or a pudding until the day after. I really enjoyed it and there is no reason why you can’t too.

Could he not engage with it just to be nice to you? It would hardly cost him, would it?

I would do the basic roast and a small amount of yummy extras for me (pigs in blankets, cauliflower cheese, fried sprouts etc.) knowing I’ll have them all to myself. Then tea can be either the starter and pudding the other two aren’t interested in or your own little buffet. It might feel a bit weird eating different food but it will bring you joy, it’s a little treat, it’ll remind you of your childhood and you’ll feel pleased with yourself that you didn’t just go along with what the others are having. It’s a special day after all

Perhaps they just like the traditional Xmas dinner.

I would not rock that boat just try and persuade them to eat new things on another occasion.

Or maybe him on his own when his mother is not about.

Tough as it it is, looks like you are outnumbered here

I totally get this OP! My DH is a food is fuel type of person too. I love food and foodie occasions and I too was brought up to enjoy a long and leisurely meal around the table. DH eats and then wants to leave! We do go out for dinner/lunch etc but I never cook much more than basic stuff at home as he just doesn't appreciate the effort. He'd say 'that was nice' if it was a cheese toastie or a three hour gourmet meal. Again, like you said - not a LTB situation. I'll never change him or fix him so I'm fine - he is how he is and I am how I am!

I have two friends who love food as I do so I get my fix with them! I also love going out to one of my favourite eating places with my book and a free morning or afternoon and just spend some time on my own enjoying a lovely brunch or lunch on my own.

Start planning a birthday meal out in January with your friends now so you have something to look forward to.

How about having it as an elegant breakfast with a glass of bucks fizz or champagne? Maybe with a nice toasted muffin. They can have cereal or toast if salmon is not their thing

The traditional Christmas dinner is more than a basic roast, and it definitely includes pudding.

Surely the best part of the meal is whatever is actually the best dish? That will vary from meal to meal. A traditional Christmas lunch cooked by a good cook is very good indeed. I genuinely like a fennel salad, but not as much as turkey with all the trimmings cooked by someone who really knows what they're doing!

No one is stopping her from eating what she wants, but ‘her Christmas’ can’t include other people eating things they don’t want.

I think if you're eating at 13:00, a fennel and orange salad alongside some cheese and biscuits, followed by some mincd pies, would make a great supper!

I’m going to be up at the crack of dawn putting the meat in for the 1pm lunch so I am planning my own nice breakfast (I like an almond croissant, I can’t eat anything too big as we’re having the massive roast so early!) but there will be nice juice and coffee and I’ll open the Prosecco because why not. OH and presumably his mum both have their non-negotiable breakfast rituals so I will put the meat in then take my breakfast back to bed.

i also suspect I may enjoy a leisurely bath in the afternoon 😆🛀🏻

If it was me I would have probably just gone ahead and made it and put it in front of them. I think if you are the one cooking you should have some freedom to make what inspires you (providing your obviously catering to people's dietary requirements/intolerances). I think they're giving too many stipulations to be honest considering you're the one cooking. They should have what's going, at the time it's going.

Yes this is true. I do like cheese as well. The others can have a cheese sandwich (actually I’ll put the ham out so they could mix it up a bit).

Steady!

Are you at home for New Years Eve or New Years Day? You could plan and cook a full meal of your preferred dishes.

Fine to make it for yourself but I’m with him on this, straight to main course for me