To make DD wear a dress?

[EatYourDamnPie]

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear.
She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either.

AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

YABVU!

SMART casual clothes.

THIS! Please tell me you didn't force your almost adult daughter to wear a dress @EatYourDamnPie It's not a visit to see King Charles, it's a carol service at the local church!

95% of nearly 1400 posters think YABU. You must know you are!!!

I bet there's quite a few of these friends in jeans who end up coming to the service wearing dresses or more formal tops and trousers.
Encourage her not to follow the crowd.

I'm glad it all worked out. I thought you were given a hard time on here but got to a good compromise in the end.

Ha! I wish I could control her food. She’s fussy as fuck , always has been.

Other than that , as long as she’s not getting hurt or in trouble , it’s up to her what she does.

Oh do go away! Whether I’m right or wrong, a just turned 14 yo is nowhere near almost adult.

Know I'm coming into this a bit late (and relieved you got something sorted!) but I'm completely with you on appropriate clothing for the occasion. If children don't learn to consider appropriate clothing for different occasions, than that is a failure.
My children are a bit younger but when needed, they are in smarter clothes than everyday. They also generally enjoy getting dressed up!! Equally happy in jeans wellies and fleeces for outdoor/messy stuff!
They regularly attend church, so know the set up for that sort of environment....

Church would disagree with you - they want trendy young'uns to go/perform , to encourage others.

I go to church pretty regularly. Relative is a vicar. My opinion is that people should just wear whatever they are comfortable in. The person will be more comfortable and more likely to want to go back to church. Clothes aren’t really important. People wear all sorts to church nowadays just like going to the theatre and in all other walks of life. It isn’t a big deal.

Oh my god I thought you were going to say 4 or something like that. She's 14?! Of course she can decide what she wears! I would have been SO uncomfortable in a dress at that age, despite wearing them when I was younger, so please do not make your DD wear one.

Do try reading all the OP’s posts otherwise you do end up looking rather stupid.

I think if she was 4 and wearing something inappropriate then you could tell her no.
Age 14 , she must be allowed to wear what her friends are wearing, it Is hard enough being a teenager these days without extra upset that you could cause her.

YABVU

If children are participating in services they are given guidance. If the only guidance is “tie your hair back” that is all they need to do.

Carol services generally are not formal occasions like weddings or job interviews they are community get togethers like any other religious service. Your DD has chosen to be confirmed, you are not religious - she probably has gained better handle on the norms at her particular place of worship.

No. I wouldn’t make them wear anything they didn’t want too

I was reading in church yesterday at the carol service, I wore jeans and a fluffy jumper, nobody minds what you wear, as long as it’s presentable I suppose, not your gardening clothes

Hopefully you’re not this controlling for everything in her life, she will push you away or stop telling you stuff

I know it wasn’t church but I still remember being made to go to a party wearing a dress and white ankle socks, the others were all wearing jeans. I was absolutely mortified, I always felt different to my peers and I hated it.

Social death comes easily at 14. Tell her the vibe should be smart and leave it to her to choose how.

Why is it respectful to the church for a girl to wear a skirt? - or disrespectful not to?

Makes not a whit of sense. Let her wear what the others are - don't make her feel embarrassed.

I'm not a fan of the notion that one's attire is a mark of 'respect'. It's a stupid gauge of someone's worthiness...completely arbitrary.
So it's a bleh from me anyway...BUT if the others are dressing casually in jeans and t-shirts, doubly so.

Why make an example of her?

Glad you got to a decent outcome OP.
Best teen parenting advice I ever received was “connection over correction”

This argument makes me extremely uncomfortable. While I know it’s a pick your battles situation, how far should I let things slide /how far should she go for fear of “social death”?

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

I forget where I heard that, but it seems like a good plan.