To make DD wear a dress?

[EatYourDamnPie]

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear.
She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either.

AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

She’s singing in a carol service for crying out loud. No advice needed. She wants to wear what her friends are wearing. Jeans & a t-shirt. Totally reasonable. The only caveat I would say to her is ‘will you be warm enough’? And her problem if she decides yes, and fails to take a jumper.
Ive 3 DDs and they can miraculously work out what they wish to wear (appropriately) without me EVER ‘making them wear a dress’, ever!!

It happens to be a dress because she doesn’t have a lot of smart casual options. Since it was a dress she picked and happily wore before, I considered it to be a good option. She has black smart trousers but she was adamant those were definitely a no go. We compromised in the end . Her “good” jeans and a nice jumper.

Jeans and a jumper! Was that really so hard? Wait til you have proper teenage issues!

I don’t think God or Baby Jesus will care a toss what she wears. What is important is her feeling comfortable enough to sing her best.

Sounds sensible OP. Shows more respect for the occasion and respect for you and your guidance. Honestly - the “let her wear what she wants” brigade are so off the mark.

Even in her first post then OP said "If she had anything else (other than her uniform) even remotely smart casual it would be fine". Yet you called her unhinged.

I think wearing a dress “as a sign of respect to the church” is unhinged.

This reminds me of when my mum wanted me to wear a coat and muff for my hands to church and I wanted to wear my bay city roller blue and tartan trouser suit

You are clearly being obtuse. The OP wanted (reasonably) for her daughter to wear something smart - not a casual band t-shirt. The only thing in that category that the daughter likes is a dress. The respect element is related to performing to an audience at a formal event.

And she’s not wearing shorts or a tank top either. There’s nothing immodest or disrespectful about jeans.

YADBU, she’s 14 not 4, you’re lucky she still wants to go to church at that age, give her a break or you are in for a shock when she gets to 16.

What is wrong with people? Instil some standards for goodness sake 😂

Who won in the end?

Did you hate her forever and go NC if it was her?

Mine went to a church carol service this morning and picked their own clothes. They are 7 and 3.

I wear jeans/trousers to church (I ring bells and a skirt is not terribly convenient but trousers are also warmer in a space that was not designed for flimsy clothing and the vicar wears trousers too - and is a woman) and so do lots of people. God is not interested in what you wear and if other people are, so what? If the rest of the group is in jeans and T-shirt your DD will look out of place. Let her wear jeans.

But why? These limits have nothing to do with Christian doctrine.

Why am I lucky? I have no vested interest in her faith/church attendance.

Sorry, but this is crazy. Let her wear what she is comfortable in. Unless you are attending a funeral or wedding, there is no reason whatsoever to ‘dress up’ for church these days (I say this as a former head chorister and also Sunday creche teacher). A carol service is meant to be a joyous seasonal occasion - you will smother that joy if you push this.

Nope, not being obtuse at all.

It’s a carol service at a church for God’s sake, not a state visit followed by a black tie dinner, nothing formal about it😂

Teenagers wearing jeans and t -shirts, shock horror call the police and alert the church elders 🤣🤣🤣

Jeans and a T-shirt are completely fine for performing in at the churches I've been to (regular attender here). Jesus wasn't very into clothes, why should his followers be? Choose your battles. I do like the idea of putting the dress in your bag for emergency use, though, in case she's got it wrong. That would be a kind thing to do, provided you can resist saying "I told you so".

A compromise , I got to wear my socks that had Les McKeown face on them

I also feel really uncomfortable about girls being made to wear dresses. Our ancestors fought a long battle to free us from this bullshit!

I can accept that possibly my standards were too high, I disagree that there should be no standards at all. Regardless of what everyone else is doing .

My mum on 3 occasions forced me to wear a dress. I'm 36 and I remember all 3 times vividly. Like to add she is a wonderful mother I was just bummed I had to wear a dress when I'd have been much more comfy in jeans and a band t. My point is even after all these years I remember it and not fondly. Let your daughter wear what she wants, better to be under dressed than over.

Pick your battles and let her wear the jeans.

Sounds like you came to a good compromise. I hope you have a lovely evening, I love a good carol service.