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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be appalled by some women’s behaviour?

324 replies

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 01:58

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night. We had a baby 5 weeks ago and she knows this!! He’s extremely loyal and kind (struggles to stand up for himself which bugs me sometimes but…) and kept trying to reject her advances to no avail, he ended up leaving early as she made him so uncomfortable. He came home sober.

Just disappointed for him as it was meant to be a nice break from the newborn trenches! Why are people like this? Trying to get on a married man is bad enough but doing it when you know they’ve JUST had a baby is abhorrent! He’s also dreading going back to work on Tuesday and seeing her. Grim behaviour.

OP posts:
Kleptronic · 14/12/2025 02:10

You can't be that old then, or your moniker belies you.

I am actually old, well past the baby birthing years, and I have seen good people behave badly under the influence of alcohol at this festive time of year. Round here we call them tinsel drinkers.

You don't need to deem anyone's behaviour grim unless you have no glass houses. As your husband was teetotal and of a confessional bent you don't have anything to worry about, so put the stones down.

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 02:15

No i dont know why women are that desperate for attention but no I dont think it is any better or worse because of an age of a baby

But as usual if a man did it there would be cries of report them for sexual harassment

Wordsmithery · 14/12/2025 02:27

Kleptronic · 14/12/2025 02:10

You can't be that old then, or your moniker belies you.

I am actually old, well past the baby birthing years, and I have seen good people behave badly under the influence of alcohol at this festive time of year. Round here we call them tinsel drinkers.

You don't need to deem anyone's behaviour grim unless you have no glass houses. As your husband was teetotal and of a confessional bent you don't have anything to worry about, so put the stones down.

That's all very well but how would you like to be on the receiving end of such behaviour? Imagine being in a new job and dreading going back after a weekend. If the DH were female, we'd all advise them to go to HR.
Nobody should feel like this at a work event, absolutely nobody. End of.

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 14/12/2025 02:32

YABU, she could have just wanted to hug him and buy him drinks. You don’t know if it was anything more sinister than that.

Original poster
GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 02:34

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 14/12/2025 02:32

YABU, she could have just wanted to hug him and buy him drinks. You don’t know if it was anything more sinister than that.

Interesting take.

OP posts:
CamillaMcCauley · 14/12/2025 02:36

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 14/12/2025 02:32

YABU, she could have just wanted to hug him and buy him drinks. You don’t know if it was anything more sinister than that.

Gosh yes, I know I’m all over my married colleagues at parties, shouting them alcohol and hugging them in a totally platonic way. Anything else would be unprofessional.

NET145 · 14/12/2025 02:40

Some people have mental health issues, a desperate need for (male or female) attention and feel incredibly lonely at this time of year… doesn’t make it easier for him, but no doubt the awkwardness will pass soon enough

Okiedokie123 · 14/12/2025 02:41

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 14/12/2025 02:32

YABU, she could have just wanted to hug him and buy him drinks. You don’t know if it was anything more sinister than that.

A quote from the film Shawshank Redemption: How can you be so obtuse? Or illiterate. You choose.

Hopefully @GrumpyOldWoman2 she will be full of sober shame faced apologies in the office on Tuesday!

Clarinet1 · 14/12/2025 02:44

Look on the bright side OP, sounds as though you’ve got a decent guy there!

CurlewKate · 14/12/2025 02:44

He should report her to HR.

Suburbanqueen · 14/12/2025 02:47

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 01:58

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night. We had a baby 5 weeks ago and she knows this!! He’s extremely loyal and kind (struggles to stand up for himself which bugs me sometimes but…) and kept trying to reject her advances to no avail, he ended up leaving early as she made him so uncomfortable. He came home sober.

Just disappointed for him as it was meant to be a nice break from the newborn trenches! Why are people like this? Trying to get on a married man is bad enough but doing it when you know they’ve JUST had a baby is abhorrent! He’s also dreading going back to work on Tuesday and seeing her. Grim behaviour.

Yes, I agree with you. I find some people's behaviour (not just women) distasteful and amoral. The sheer desperation renders them pathetic.

beencaughttrollin · 14/12/2025 02:47

I'd be unimpressed that he didn't just handle it and shut it down. I'm sorry it happened to him, but there's no need for him to leave it open and bring it home and make it your problem. (OK, of course, to tell you about it after he has wrapped it up.) And before someone kvells, I'd say the same if someone were hitting on you at your work do.

Teanbiscuits33 · 14/12/2025 03:04

Some people enjoy the thrill of trying to turn a married person’s head because it’s forbidden and makes it all the more enticing. They feel as if they must be something special if they succeed in getting a person who was previously devoted to their spouse to cheat.

Other times, it’s just all fun and games to them, and with them being pissed, it would have seemed even funnier and may have given the colleague and her mates a story the next day!

That said, I know you trust your husband, but you weren’t there to see or hear what went on so it’s harder to say what the motivation was or what exactly was said or done. There’s a chance there’s a bit more to the story.

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 03:16

Teanbiscuits33 · 14/12/2025 03:04

Some people enjoy the thrill of trying to turn a married person’s head because it’s forbidden and makes it all the more enticing. They feel as if they must be something special if they succeed in getting a person who was previously devoted to their spouse to cheat.

Other times, it’s just all fun and games to them, and with them being pissed, it would have seemed even funnier and may have given the colleague and her mates a story the next day!

That said, I know you trust your husband, but you weren’t there to see or hear what went on so it’s harder to say what the motivation was or what exactly was said or done. There’s a chance there’s a bit more to the story.

If this happened to my husband it is nothing to do with me thinking he is cheating or anything like that but would wonder why he wouldnt stand up for himself and ask them why they don't have any self respect

Teanbiscuits33 · 14/12/2025 03:21

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 03:16

If this happened to my husband it is nothing to do with me thinking he is cheating or anything like that but would wonder why he wouldnt stand up for himself and ask them why they don't have any self respect

Show quote history

That’s the thing as well, perhaps the colleague knows he is too shy and reserved to stand up for himself and that motivated her to keep doing it for the fun of his awkward reactions.

If either of those scenarios are true, then the colleague’s a shitty person, but I don’t think it’s right for OP to assume things without actually being there, nor assume that this is a behaviour exclusive to women.

Daytimenighttime · 14/12/2025 03:34

Who.is this woman OP?
Is she someone your H works closely with? Because it sounds as though this behaviour can't have come out of the blue.
And if she was behaving as outrageously as he described then I'm surprised some of his other colleagues didn't step in.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 14/12/2025 03:40

beencaughttrollin · 14/12/2025 02:47

I'd be unimpressed that he didn't just handle it and shut it down. I'm sorry it happened to him, but there's no need for him to leave it open and bring it home and make it your problem. (OK, of course, to tell you about it after he has wrapped it up.) And before someone kvells, I'd say the same if someone were hitting on you at your work do.

Yeah, same here. I don't know why some people feel the need to be so overly polite that they can't get some backbone and shut inappropriate behaviour down instead of running away. The woman needed to be told straight that he ain't interested and making it uncomfortable as he has no interest in anyone but his wife.

Running away with no idea she was the reason he left leaves her still having no clue that she has no chance, and leaving him open to this happening again.

The only reason he would be getting a pass for not putting her straight was if he had doubt of her intentions and thought she could just be being overly friendly

Morningsleepin · 14/12/2025 03:41

Everyone's different but I had a friend who used to behave totally outrageously when drunk, coming on to men she wasn't even attracted to

Ilovelurchers · 14/12/2025 03:50

No harm has been done, so I probably wouldn't stress about it too much.

I am slightly struggling to picture it. What actually happened? She "tried to hug him" - did she verbally ask for hugs? Or come towards him arms open, and he dodged out of the way/pushed her off? How often?

Likewise the "trying to buy him drinks". Did she buy them but he refused to accept them? Just keep offering to buy them and he kept saying "no"?

My point is, none of us were there, so we don't know exactly how it went. We only have your DH's account and I am not saying he is lying, but it's how he saw it - others may have interpreted it differently.

And of course it isn't the same as a man doing it to a woman. Women just don't pose the same physical threat men do. I am not saying it's great of her to do.... Whatever she did.

My take on this will be an anathema to most on here, I know, but I don't think anyone belongs to anyone else. When she spoke to your husband she was not somehow messing with "your property".

He has free will and agency. If he had decided to cheat on you because a woman hugged him and bought him drinks - what of any worth would she be stealing? A faithless husband who doesn't stick to the rules of your relationship (which is, I assume, meant to be exclusive).

Why would you want to keep that, anyway? Why anybody would want to remain in an exclusive relationship with somebody who only stays loyal if not given the opportunity to cheat, is beyond me.

Bungle2168 · 14/12/2025 03:52

Your husband is an utter pillock for sharing this information with you. Like, what are you supposed to do with it?

He is a big boy so he should be able to handle a little unwanted attention. Tell him to stop involving you in drama and to stop being such a crybaby.

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 04:05

Bungle2168 · 14/12/2025 03:52

Your husband is an utter pillock for sharing this information with you. Like, what are you supposed to do with it?

He is a big boy so he should be able to handle a little unwanted attention. Tell him to stop involving you in drama and to stop being such a crybaby.

So if a women shared something with her husband would she be called a crybaby,? And she needed to hide it from him?

Bringemout · 14/12/2025 04:16

Honestly people behave badly and what she went too far, it definitely tipped over into harassment, and insisting on buying someone a drink or trying to insistently hug someone when they have said no is really not appropriate at any time. She’ll probably wake up feeling embarrassed about the whole thing.

But I agree with @Ilovelurchers on this. Him being married and with a baby isn’t really a problem for her, it’s only a problem for you if you are worried. By the sounds of it you have nothing to worry about and you have a good egg there. People do what they do, as long as your DH behaves with integrity thats all that matters. Women may hit on your husband, I’m afraid theres nothing you can do about that.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/12/2025 04:30

As ever the double standards on MN are apparent.

Bungle2168 · 14/12/2025 04:33

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 04:05

So if a women shared something with her husband would she be called a crybaby,? And she needed to hide it from him?

Show quote history

I prefer to call it “not volunteering information that does not concern the listener”. In other words, it is usually more prudent to keep one’s own counsel than it is to gossip.

Do not bother other people with trivial or inconsequential news.

ng6653 · 14/12/2025 04:34

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 01:58

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night. We had a baby 5 weeks ago and she knows this!! He’s extremely loyal and kind (struggles to stand up for himself which bugs me sometimes but…) and kept trying to reject her advances to no avail, he ended up leaving early as she made him so uncomfortable. He came home sober.

Just disappointed for him as it was meant to be a nice break from the newborn trenches! Why are people like this? Trying to get on a married man is bad enough but doing it when you know they’ve JUST had a baby is abhorrent! He’s also dreading going back to work on Tuesday and seeing her. Grim behaviour.

Hmphm I am a male alcoholic btw ...but I do not condone this behavior..If she is drunk at work then this clearly a sackable offense.

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