Page 6 | to be appalled by some women’s behaviour?

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 08:43

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:37

Well it would if he’d gone out for work do, returned sober to wife and new born awake and crying, and flopped asleep.

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No it wouldn't. We literally know nothing about OP and her DH's child care arrangements. Could be they've agreed that OP takes one whole night and then her DH does the next. Could be she does most nights and he takes over during the day. Could be she's trying to establish breastfeeding so wants the baby with her and told her DH he may as well go to sleep.

We don't know and it's none of our business. I think it's mad that a man is being potentially harassed at work and you're trying to turn it into him being a bad father.

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:44

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 08:43

No it wouldn't. We literally know nothing about OP and her DH's child care arrangements. Could be they've agreed that OP takes one whole night and then her DH does the next. Could be she does most nights and he takes over during the day. Could be she's trying to establish breastfeeding so wants the baby with her and told her DH he may as well go to sleep.

We don't know and it's none of our business. I think it's mad that a man is being potentially harassed at work and you're trying to turn it into him being a bad father.

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This is why I asked
and had the answer been as above
then yes… it would have made me think 🤔 about him

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 08:45

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:44

This is why I asked
and had the answer been as above
then yes… it would have made me think 🤔 about him

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You are clearly desperate to make him into the bad guy in this story. Bizarre.

Springtimehere · 14/12/2025 08:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Toooldtocare25 · 14/12/2025 08:47

Wow some of these people are fucking insane. Leave the woman’s husband alone it’s quite simple.,I don’t care what your need for attention is fuck off.

5128gap · 14/12/2025 08:48

KilliMonjaro · 14/12/2025 08:25

The answers to this thread are really highlighting how we treat men and women differently aren’t they.

It’s reminding me of how many years ago now, I once employed an utter adonis of a young man for my team, simply because he came across best at interview.

I was heavily pregnant at the time and honestly his handsomeness hadn’t really registered until a few weeks later when a female colleague came up to me smiling with her thumbs up saying “nice appointment!” - in a very lustful manner. She then spent the next few months inviting him out for lunch and drinks and trying to get him out on a date with her, despite already having a boyfriend herself….I had to tell both her and our older receptionist to leave him alone after they kept making comments alluding to his attractiveness… He became the talk of the women in the office.

One of my more introverted colleagues came up to me one day and said “I honestly don’t understand how you can give that man supervision! I wouldn’t be able to look at him!

I was quite embarrassed by the behaviour of some of my female colleagues and asked him if he felt uncomfortable about it - he just laughed it off, I guess he was used to it and not threatened by them. He was a really good guy and totally besotted with his girlfriend, (whom he later married) I often thought how the situation would have been different if he had been a young woman.

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Of course we treat men and women differently. Men and women are different have different physicality and show different patterns of behaviour.
The OPs H felt 'uncomfortable' because he didn't find this woman attractive and struggled to be assertive.
He didn't have to try and physically fight off her wandering hands, knowing he'd have little chance against her if she was determined.
He didn't have to be frightened she would follow him to the carpark and assault or rape him.
He felt uncomfortable because on a rare occasion when a man is subjected to persistent unwanted attention from a woman he didn't know how to handle it. Something regrettably women learn in our early teens, and have to practise on a regular basis. Always aware that we could actually end up harmed by a person with significant physical advantage over us.
If we ever reach a point where women perpetrators of violent sex crimes against men reach the levels of men against women, we could reasonably expect society to see men and women as 'the same' in this regard.
Meantime we have laws that equally protect mem from sexual harassment in the workplace and the OPs H is within his rights to complain about her. No need to pretend women are 'as bad' as men or that the experience is the same.

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 08:48

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 08:45

You are clearly desperate to make him into the bad guy in this story. Bizarre.

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No I’m not.

Sounds like an unpleasant night.

Just not sure I’d have off loaded to my wife with a crying newborn at 2am and then flopped asleep 🤷‍♀️

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 08:50

ThatAquaRobin · 14/12/2025 08:33

So much internalized mysogyny from some of the women responding on this thread. Blaming the OP's DH and trying to twist the narrative. Mumsnet is generally very unkind these days.

This was bang out of order. I see it every time we have a work party and it's a woman who is old enough to know better and is married herself.
It makes my male colleagues (also married) deeply uncomfortable and awkward.

Some of the guys have started to avoid going to work parties because of it.
Several of us, and her line manager have had polite chats with this woman to no avail.
If the boot was on j the other foot and a man did it, there would be a sexual harassment case.

I agree with most of this but surely trying to blame the DH is not a sign of internalised misogyny (hating women)? It's a sign of misandry (hating men).

SodOffbacktoaibu · 14/12/2025 08:51

There's a lack of moral clarity these days as if it's worse to judge someone for poor behaviour than it is to get drunk and make a pass at a married work colleague.

There's absolutely cringey flirtations going on in my workplace with young women and married men. It's gross and I judge and I am fine with that.

Your husband doesn't need to do anything. Just keep his distance and be professional.

Katemax82 · 14/12/2025 08:52

Some slapper did that to my husband. I had the last laugh as she fucked up her career by taking drugs in a safety critical role

RoseyLentil · 14/12/2025 08:54

Similar scenario just happed at a friends Christmas work do. Not with my friends husband but with two of his colleagues. The man had the same experience as your husband. The woman has been suspended from work for sexual harassment and is facing being sacked.

Beachtastic · 14/12/2025 08:55

Chizzit · 14/12/2025 08:26

Interesting post OP. I witnessed similar at my own work party the other night, except in this case when the woman came on to the dad with a young baby, he seemed to an extent to reciprocate - there was intense slow dancing and it was only interrupted when a senior male colleague was egged on by others to 'break it up' and went over to cause a distraction. (Said senior male colleague then went on to take on the flirty close-dancing role himself, although he too is married and has kids).

Similarly my own DH was approached by a married woman at his own work Christmas party who said she'd always had a crush on him and was being very flirty. She has young kids herself and knows that DH and I have a toddler.

In all of the above cases I'm pretty confident that the people involved wouldn't have 'gone further', or would have known that going further was unlikely even if they would have liked it to happen. My take is that many people like to flirt, like to feel special, and that parties like this seem to act as an escape from reality where the usual rules feel loosened to explore fantasies. Perhaps the fact that usual workplace roles and hierarchies are being set aside adds to the transgressive appeal. I don't think it's a nice or good way to behave but I do think it's very common. I also think men have done this sort of thing always (I have horrible recollections of a bloke at a work party a few years back getting off with numerous colleagues in one night, including married ones - two of the women ended up hugging each other and crying about it!) and that we're naive to be surprised when a woman is the initiator instead - despite enduring expectations and stereotypes, women are not always 'on one another's side' and enjoy fantasy life and a sense of the forbidden as much as any man.

The good side to all this is that these things tend to be completely forgotten by Monday - or at least it's common for people to collectively pretend it never happened. After all, I think so many have done things they regret at parties, or have wanted to do so, that most people feel it's in the collective interest to keep these as sort of strange parallel universe worlds where you don't bring up what happened later.

In my experience, some organisational cultures seem to encourage this sort of thing at the works Xmas "do" as a kind of off-the-scale team-bonding exercise. I worked for one company that put on jaw-droppingly lavish Xmas parties where it was unusual for colleagues NOT to cop off with someone inappropriate. There was a tacit rule that what happened at the Xmas party stayed at the party, but you couldn't help noticing quite a few new and discarded relationships when we all returned to normal office life in the new year. It was like a very incestuous long-running soap opera.

FlyingApple · 14/12/2025 08:56

Why is alcohol and Christmas music an excuse to ruin marriages for some people? It's not like being drunk is so ntense that you can't control yourself.

Owly11 · 14/12/2025 08:56

Thatsalineallright · 14/12/2025 08:39

There's been another recent thread where a woman flashed one male colleague and groped another. Again at a work party.

Women behaving badly at work parties is actually pretty common, probably because so many people rush to excuse her and accuse the man of not shutting it down/laughing it off. Zero consequences and blatant double standards.

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My point is that whereas groping and flashing may be typical female behaviours, buying a man drinks all night (or trying to) is not a typical female behaviour and it is this bit that is making me suspicious.

Allisnotlost1 · 14/12/2025 08:59

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 01:58

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night. We had a baby 5 weeks ago and she knows this!! He’s extremely loyal and kind (struggles to stand up for himself which bugs me sometimes but…) and kept trying to reject her advances to no avail, he ended up leaving early as she made him so uncomfortable. He came home sober.

Just disappointed for him as it was meant to be a nice break from the newborn trenches! Why are people like this? Trying to get on a married man is bad enough but doing it when you know they’ve JUST had a baby is abhorrent! He’s also dreading going back to work on Tuesday and seeing her. Grim behaviour.

I think it’s irrelevant whether he’s married or how old his children are, but a good example of why many workplaces are now moving away from encouraging social events that include alcohol. DH could consider whether this is something to raise with his line manager as he’s currently on probation and will want to know if this is acceptable to the company.

I think it’s a bit much to extrapolate this one woman’s behaviour to ‘some women’ though. In many years of being subjected to - and participating in - drunken work events, I’ve encountered one handsy woman and plenty of badly behaved men.

Original poster

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 09:01

Allisnotlost1 · 14/12/2025 08:59

I think it’s irrelevant whether he’s married or how old his children are, but a good example of why many workplaces are now moving away from encouraging social events that include alcohol. DH could consider whether this is something to raise with his line manager as he’s currently on probation and will want to know if this is acceptable to the company.

I think it’s a bit much to extrapolate this one woman’s behaviour to ‘some women’ though. In many years of being subjected to - and participating in - drunken work events, I’ve encountered one handsy woman and plenty of badly behaved men.

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I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say “some women”. I didn’t say all women and there’s not just one woman in the world that does these things.

OP posts:

NoSourDough · 14/12/2025 09:02

A very similar thing happened to my DH last week so I know how you feel! DH at a works Xmas event and one of his ex female team members (he was her boss) is getting increasingly drunk.

I’ve always known she has fancied him (she is also married to another senior male that works in the company). Woman’s intuition - I’ve picked up on it over the years at social work events where partners were invited. My DH always brushed it off (a very professional manager).

She was with another female team member and was clearly drunk, declared she needed to go to the toilet. The female with her offered to take her.

Drunk female colleague refused help but publicly (in front of her new male boss) declared she wanted my DH to take her to the toilet and tried to grab him and pull him along.

Obviously he refused and told her to go with female colleague, but it took some persuasion. It was apparently quite obvious that she wanted DH to take her to the toilet because she had other intentions.

Once she finally left with other female, her new boss said to my DH “well that was awkward - what was she thinking?” - my DH agreed, all in a professional manner.

My DH told me this all on returning home. I’m just really annoyed at the sheer audacity of a woman who has met me in the past, thought she would chance her arm at an encounter with my DH without a second thought of her marriage, his marriage - their work reputation. I don’t care if she was drunk (personal responsibility?).

So I totally get where you are coming from OP - it’s not acceptable. My DH won’t go to HR because he shut it down. But my question is, will they try it again at other events?

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 09:04

Allisnotlost1 · 14/12/2025 08:59

I think it’s irrelevant whether he’s married or how old his children are, but a good example of why many workplaces are now moving away from encouraging social events that include alcohol. DH could consider whether this is something to raise with his line manager as he’s currently on probation and will want to know if this is acceptable to the company.

I think it’s a bit much to extrapolate this one woman’s behaviour to ‘some women’ though. In many years of being subjected to - and participating in - drunken work events, I’ve encountered one handsy woman and plenty of badly behaved men.

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Drunken work events and hen events, there are badly behaved women and men, it happens

bloomingbonkerz · 14/12/2025 09:05

So the post makes out that he was that appalled he left early but technically he didn’t he stayed partied then came home
not right she came on to him at all I’d be furious but then my partner would say politely please do one I’m not interested I’m happy at home

zestyjane3001 · 14/12/2025 09:05

I have to say in the past I blindly have defended people including those closest to me especially DH, my siblings and my parents thinking the world of them. That was the naive version of me. I have learned the lesson that everyone lies, including me and those closest to us and it may be white lies to bigger ones. I guess what I mean is, I don’t believe it all fully and utterly OP if someone tells me something now of significance. I gather as many facts as I can to make sure I’m not being taken for a ride.

Do you know someone else at the party that could verify this story?

Original poster

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 09:05

Owly11 · 14/12/2025 08:56

My point is that whereas groping and flashing may be typical female behaviours, buying a man drinks all night (or trying to) is not a typical female behaviour and it is this bit that is making me suspicious.

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I imagine she thought his stance would change if he was drunk.

OP posts:

soddingspiderseason · 14/12/2025 09:06

If a male colleague did this to a female one we would rightly call it sexual harassment. The fact that she’s female is irrelevant; she made your partner feel uncomfortable to the extent that he left. I think he should at the least, raise it with his manager and follow up with an email. This is not ok behaviour by a colleague, especially when she knows he has a partner and very young baby at home.

Medexpert · 14/12/2025 09:07

why the hell would the DH come back home and give the OP information she can do nothing with?
If we consider this from the perspective that men and women are intrinsically not that different, we can conclude that it is a natural response after an upsetting event to want to talk about such event with the person most trusted.

For the same reason most posters come here for, not all responses are needing to be a solution. Most often, it is to seek validation and empathy. The fact that he chose to speak to OP about it shows that he is fully comfortable to do so, and hopefully means that he is there to listen to OP when she experiences an unsettling situation.

MorningActivity · 14/12/2025 09:08

I think that was an appauling behaviour frim the woman. Not dufferent nor better than when drunk men pursue a woman so badly that they feel they have no choice but to leave.
talking about ‘tinsel drinker’ etc… doesn’t make it any better.

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 09:09

zestyjane3001 · 14/12/2025 09:05

I have to say in the past I blindly have defended people including those closest to me especially DH, my siblings and my parents thinking the world of them. That was the naive version of me. I have learned the lesson that everyone lies, including me and those closest to us and it may be white lies to bigger ones. I guess what I mean is, I don’t believe it all fully and utterly OP if someone tells me something now of significance. I gather as many facts as I can to make sure I’m not being taken for a ride.

Do you know someone else at the party that could verify this story?

So if a woman came home and said she was sexually assaulted she would or may be lying so you need corroboration to beleive her?