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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be appalled by some women’s behaviour?

324 replies

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 01:58

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night. We had a baby 5 weeks ago and she knows this!! He’s extremely loyal and kind (struggles to stand up for himself which bugs me sometimes but…) and kept trying to reject her advances to no avail, he ended up leaving early as she made him so uncomfortable. He came home sober.

Just disappointed for him as it was meant to be a nice break from the newborn trenches! Why are people like this? Trying to get on a married man is bad enough but doing it when you know they’ve JUST had a baby is abhorrent! He’s also dreading going back to work on Tuesday and seeing her. Grim behaviour.

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 07:05

NET145 · 14/12/2025 02:40

Some people have mental health issues, a desperate need for (male or female) attention and feel incredibly lonely at this time of year… doesn’t make it easier for him, but no doubt the awkwardness will pass soon enough

Poor MH and loneliness are used to excuse bad behaviour on seemingly every thread these days!

Honestly! If any of us are affected by the negative actions of others we have to "check our privilege" it seems 🙄

youalright · 14/12/2025 07:07

These comments wtf. Op yanbu and its not fair your dh night was ruined. But you do sound like you have a great man.

SleepQuest33 · 14/12/2025 07:08

The problem is alcohol! It makes people completely stupid.

Please ask your husband to keep it very very professional with this woman at work. She sounds like bad news!

Another2356 · 14/12/2025 07:09

He should definitely report her to HR, as she made him uncomfortable enough he had to leave. He can ask HR to approach it tactfully and indicate he is willing to talk to her directly and quietly requesting not to place him in that situation again. However he most def should report it as she may report him !!!

FlyingApple · 14/12/2025 07:12

She probably thought he's an easy target and wanted what you have even for a moment. If she could have him even for a meaningless moment then she'd feel a temporary high.

Sometimes women don't like to see other women with a loyal partner, baby etc. They want to come between that even when it's fleeting.

ChelseaBagger · 14/12/2025 07:12

It's completely unacceptable to make a colleague feel so uncomfortable that they had to leave a work event.

If it were me in that position, I'd pass it forward to HR, saying that I didn't want to make a big deal at this stage, but that I'd like them to have it on record. If it happened a second time, I would certainly expect action to be taken.

CurlewKate · 14/12/2025 07:14

youalright · 14/12/2025 07:07

These comments wtf. Op yanbu and its not fair your dh night was ruined. But you do sound like you have a great man.

She was entirely in the wrong and he should report her. And he may very well be a “great man”. But not screwing a woman who throws herself at him does not make him a great man. It makes him a man who meets minimum requirements!

daisychain01 · 14/12/2025 07:14

beencaughttrollin · 14/12/2025 02:47

I'd be unimpressed that he didn't just handle it and shut it down. I'm sorry it happened to him, but there's no need for him to leave it open and bring it home and make it your problem. (OK, of course, to tell you about it after he has wrapped it up.) And before someone kvells, I'd say the same if someone were hitting on you at your work do.

This is exactly the point people seem to be missing.

DH has just come back from a work do at his new job (2 months in) and told me that his female colleague was drunkenly trying to get him alone, trying to hug him and offering to buy him drinks all night

why the hell would the DH come back home and give the OP information she can do nothing with? How clueless is that. All he needed to do was deal with the drunks, get home, and back to the reality of a newborn, fuck sake, why did he need to regale his wife with work shit and get her wound up about it, he clearly has zero in the way of emotional intelligence.

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 07:14

ng6653 · 14/12/2025 04:55

calling ppl pillock is not nice

Show quote history

Oh FFS - pillock is mild. Stop being so precious.

(apologies if you were being ironic)

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 07:16

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/12/2025 05:18

if she did this more than once hopefully she got fired. At every job she did this.

Show quote history

@Morningsleepin didn't mention that it happened in a work environment.

PollyBell · 14/12/2025 07:17

Blizzardofleaves · 14/12/2025 06:42

Offering to buy someone a drink and requesting a hug is NOT sexual assault or harassment.

Wonen on the whole are on the receiving end of most sexual offences. This is mot a sexual offence. Stop conflating the two.

Show quote history

It is sexual harassment

Cheesandcrackers · 14/12/2025 07:18

This charming woman could just as easily allege OPs husband was coming on to her if he complained. Who knows what would happen then. He made the best of a bad situation.

2021x · 14/12/2025 07:19

HH for your husband and having to nego thst work environment.

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/12/2025 07:20

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 07:16

@Morningsleepin didn't mention that it happened in a work environment.

Show quote history

No, but she’s using it as an example of hey! It’s just something people do! When the op IS talking about a work function. It isn’t just something people do when they’re at work. So it’s either irrelevant or that poster has no idea you could fire someone for that behaviour.

Original poster
GrumpyOldWoman2 · 14/12/2025 07:21

GrannyOog · 14/12/2025 07:01

Can’t believe some of these replies, some are even blaming him for not shutting it down. Imagine saying that to a woman who had to leave a works party due to unwanted attention. Why does the woman get a free pass because she may be lonely or have mental health issues. Men can be lonely or have mental health issues as well. Doesn’t matter what gender you are, you should be able to have a night out without being harassed. He was in a no win situation, if he had to be firm with her to get her to stop he would have been accused of being aggressive. He did the right thing going home. Shame on her.

Exactly my thoughts!! He’s hardly going to make a scene in front of his colleagues (and isn’t that type of person anyway!)

I find it so interesting that people find this behaviour acceptable or normal.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 14/12/2025 07:21

Blizzardofleaves · 14/12/2025 06:42

Offering to buy someone a drink and requesting a hug is NOT sexual assault or harassment.

Wonen on the whole are on the receiving end of most sexual offences. This is mot a sexual offence. Stop conflating the two.

Show quote history

Clearly you’ve not done one single session of harassment and bullying training for work.

MyOliveStork · 14/12/2025 07:25

I am just wondering what the comments would be if the genders were reversed?

This could be seen as sexual harassment and he should put in a complaint when he returns to work if he still feels very uncomfortable about this woman’s behaviour.

I think posters trying to victim shame are rather unfair, these days especially, we are all hyper aware about respecting others space and no meaning no. If this was a man acting like this towards a woman, it would be very scary having to then face that person at work again on Monday. Just because it’s the other way round doesn’t make it acceptable.

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 07:26

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 14/12/2025 06:23

I hope the next time a woman comes on here to say she was sexually harassed by some creep at the office party posters will be telling her it’s her fault for not shutting it down?

There's a recent thread running by a young woman working in an education environment who's getting unwanted attention from an older male colleague that's had loads of stick from posters berating her for not handling the situation herself.

Hardly anyone wins on MN.

GlassofRosePorfavor · 14/12/2025 07:29

it could be him wanting attention from you? You had a baby 5 weeks ago so are in the throes of newborn life. Some men (a lot) don't like attention being drawn away from them. So maybe he was trying to make you jealous. Who knows? Could have happened. Might not have happened.

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/12/2025 07:30

The husband sounds like a complete wet wipe

Calamitousness · 14/12/2025 07:35

No it’s not acceptable or decent behaviour on her part. But, it’s a night out and for gods sake don’t encourage him to report to HR. Different if she was at work and doing this but not on a night out. He is an adult and should be able to say clearly and loudly to her that he’s not interested strongly enough,which is usually enough to embarrass a drunk woman from persisting. Especially if her colleagues can hear the rejection. It’s the quiet just taking it and not causing a scene that’s unhelpful here. Also why would he tell you. I’d just file it under things that happened that were the other persons bad behaviour and ignore it. I wouldn’t be rushing to tell my husband and get him all worked up about it. Especially if he was a post partum woman. Things are heightened enough at that stage of life with hormones and tiredness. I imagine he just couldn’t be bothered with the night out and was happier to be home to see you anyway as I hope he could deal with something as stupid as this on his own satisfactorily.

Howwilliknow122 · 14/12/2025 07:36

Kleptronic · 14/12/2025 02:10

You can't be that old then, or your moniker belies you.

I am actually old, well past the baby birthing years, and I have seen good people behave badly under the influence of alcohol at this festive time of year. Round here we call them tinsel drinkers.

You don't need to deem anyone's behaviour grim unless you have no glass houses. As your husband was teetotal and of a confessional bent you don't have anything to worry about, so put the stones down.

What nonsense. Just taking the post at face value. Someone tried to come on to your husband and you've just had a baby then id say that is is grim behaviour. Of course op is mad, what's ops own character (unless shes the same or equivalent which isnt even in the post) got to do with this?

Fernsrus · 14/12/2025 07:37

Reads like a reverse to me.

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/12/2025 07:38

Fernsrus · 14/12/2025 07:37

Reads like a reverse to me.

Why's that then?

Happyher · 14/12/2025 07:46

Some people lose all their inhibitions when drunk which is probably what happened here. She probably thinks DH is attractive but normally just keeps it to herself. People pairing up at parties used to be pretty common when I worked in the civil service but it rarely went anywhere after the party. Best to look at the positives that DH resisted her advances and felt able to share it with you. Have a laugh with him about it