Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

[MyFairGreenTurtle]

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

She sounds absolutely pathetic. What an embarrassment at 26!

I would be beyond furious and mortified in the OP'S place.
Mind you I honestly cannot imagine this happening in a lovely home.
Our home is lovely and our children are reared to appreciate it.
We are away regularly and whilst there have been numerous "prinks" at ours for up to 20 people, the place has been left unmarked, bar an occasional sticky floor.
She needs to pay in full and move out.
Clearly no consequences have ever registered with her.

Don't let her just get away with it like usual. If she doesn't pay full rent she must have a fair bit of disposable income.

Christ I thought she was going to be 16?!
Shes sounds incredibly immature and irresponsible. How has she managed to have so many like minded friends who quite freely wreck someone’s home?
Do none of them have their own homes or responsibilities? I honestly can’t envisage this behaviour from anyone over 18.
She needs to pay for all the damage and move out. She can have a house share with her skanky friends. Then you can go round with your mates, get absolutely pissed, vomit over her bed and damage all her possessions.

Wait til the OP finds out what her job REALLY is 🤣

Was that intended to sound utterly insufferable, or is it something you can’t help? 😂

YANBU and I had to double check that post again to say your DD is 26 not 16!

She pays for the damage, and you kick her out!

If she has an income she certainly should be paying all damages!! At 26, I had graduated, worked for years, just bought my first house and was pregnant. I'm early 30's now so not too long ago! I would have died of shame if I had done that to my parents house and would be paying for every last thing. Outrageous. Some people don't know how good they have got it. I think you need to send her the bill and give her a reality check!

What? Source a new chair, new sofa cushions, a new hot tub, a new carpet, a new TV, a new door handle?

That's not happening in a day or even a few.

Sorry turtle but that actually sounds even more suspiciously like shes some sort of cam girl, if she logs on during the night and has international clients.

How many international clients would seek consultancy from some random slip of a girl? And what exactly are they consulting her for???

Sorry to break it to you but your daughter is a cam girl.

She needs to pay for the damage

This sounds like a 16 year old. How upsetting op you have every right to be livid and it’s incredibly important she starts paying to put every bit of this right.

Well you’re being unreasonable for not letting her have any more parties. You should be throwing her disrespectful arse straight out.

hmmm ok that’s not good. I was personally over that a lot earlier. This is rhe finalt straw then ans this can be what she needs to grow up.

The OP's daughter is no more a "consultant" than she is a fucking astronaut. 🙄

Nah she’s paying for the lot and then she’s out.

She allowed her frieds to trash your house. She has no respect for the lovely home youve built and nither do her friends. This isnt the first tine this has happened and it wont be the last unless you make her feel the consequences. Id make her clean everything that can be cleaned on her own. She needs to do the work and I'd make her pay every single penny to replace the damaged items. It needs to hurt her because she doesn't seem to understand the value of money or the cost of her irresponsibility.

@AllyCart😂😭

What?

For your daughter's sake, I think you must make her pay for the damage and repairs. I would also not allow any further gatherings in your house. There are numerous venues to host parties and your daughter doesn't have the sense, discipline or selflessness to protect your home. You are doing her no favours by enabling her to entertain people with no respect for her, you or your home. She needs to grow up.

I’d be asking to see that group chat tbh for the real story. Also, while many 26 year olds have proper consulting jobs, I’ve never heard of one this immature and irresponsible, who still lives at home but doesn’t contribute financially.

Then it’s time to teach her some! Kick her out and tell her if she doesn’t cover the costs you will take her to court

I’m sorry to say, but it sounds like you have created a monster. You have enabled and encouraged her terrible behaviour. Given no consequences. Allowed her to continue living in your house paying minimal rent, whilst also disrespecting you.

Why does she behave like this? Why do her friends come to your house and behave like this? Because you have allowed it. It’s as simple as that.

You need to tell her that enough is enough. It’s time to grow up and learn some respect.

I am ashamed to say that I did something similar, although not quite as much damage, and I was 16 not 26! Definitely old enough to know better and she needs to pay to put it right.

Sorry to be blunt, but what a little twat!! Ban her from having any company over again, make her pay for the damages and do all of the cleaning herself