Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

[MyFairGreenTurtle]

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

Drugs. Rather than drink.

NO. How can you even ask? Her friends have wrecked your house and garden to the tune of thousands and you worry that YOU are being unreasonable. She pays. She also moves out. She's 26 not 15.

She's 4 years off 30, this is absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable behaviour. Yes she needs to pay for everything!

At 26 I was running my own home. Of course she needs to fix the damage at her own expense.

She also needs to be looking for her own place within the next 12 months.

She needs to grow up!

It is possible for someone to have a talent that's relevant to a particular type of project, and to consult on it without having advanced business qualifications. It's unusual, but I don't know why some people are stating that this young woman has to be a porn actress.

If someone has good idea, and knows how to leverage it, and gets the right contacts, anything is possible. I know a woman who is a consultant for major cosmetics companies, but she has no formal qualifications. I don't understand her work, but it has something to do with making creams feel and smell nice.

What was this woman doing professionally before she became a creams consultant?

Get quotes for replacing/repairing everything to put it back to how it was and ask her to pay the full amount to you as soon as possible. Maximum three months. No more parties. And ask what her plans are to find her own place. You know you have enabled this disgraceful attitude.

Youthful? She’s knocking on 30. I can’t understand why you think it would be unreasonable to make her pay for all of the damage. I don’t care how sorry she is. Make her pay then tell her to move out. You’re treating her like a child.

She had an idea for a cream and started to make moisturisers in her shed. She wanted to launch them herself, but she never did. A well-known cosmetics business woman got in contact with her and it went from there. I don't know how the first contact happened.

Edit: she was a stay-at-home mother. Where she lived, it wasn't practical to have both parents working as she lives in the middle of nowhere.

There’s mention of some sporadic consultancy work. No contract or set hours. Could be selling face cream??

You sound like a bit of a wet blanket tbh. Pull on your big girl pants and give her some ground rules ffs. Tell her to pull her finger out and get it all sorted and paid for.

And does she pay rent?

Anything towards bills?

And if you do claim on the insurance, she pays the excess and any increase on premiums for the next few years

When I was 16/17/18, I used to have massive house parties when my mum was away. With DJs. They were legendary.

Almost all of them got out of hand. There was vomit everywhere, broken beer bottles everywhere, people having messy sex in my mum’s bed…

My parents never knew. I would clean and wash and replace broken things before they came home, and no matter how rowdy things were or how many randoms turned up, kept control of the crowd. Male friends would evict if necessary.

I have no idea how your daughter, with 10 years on me, couldn’t do the same. I’d be raging.

Help get a quote?
So your house is wrecked and the most she can do is get a phone call sorted?
Total disrespect
I was expecting a few drunken teenagers but 26!
She has a FT job
She doesn't pay any rent just a share of bills and groceries.

She must have loads saved.

She's should be paying for it

Look, I don't want to be nasty because she's your DD and you love her.

But come on. I moved out at 20, I had a baby at 25!! Plenty of us here were mothers by your DD's age.

She's behaving like a child.

She is obviously spoilt and has no respect for either you OP or your home. You need to open your eyes.

You're a complete mug if you don't make her move out and pay all the damages. Sweet Jesus, the woman is 26!! I have a 17 year old son who'd know better than to let this happen.

Mmmm. I knew someone back in the mists of time when I was young who had a similarly nebulous job, with random hours. Not a friend but part of a group who’d all known each other for ever. She was a dealer.

It sounds like it’s time for your daughter to move out. I would serve notice that she has until the end of January to find a flat/room in a shared house. I seriously doubt you’ll get any money out of her for repairs by the sounds of things, but you can prevent it from ever happening again.

Please take this seriously OP. This isn’t the first time she’s done something like this - if you don’t remove her now, you’re basically giving her permission to continue trashing your home.

Shocking behaviour I hope you’re going to hold her accountable for every penny. I think it’s time for her to move out and be an adult as she clearly doesn’t respect your home.

FWIW I’m 26 and have just got married and we own our own home. 26 is not a child.

Time for hard lessons - as a minimum a full payment plan for the repairs. A landlord would not be lenient. This shows a total lack of respect for you and your time and money. At 26 that isn’t really forgivable as a childish mistake, this is an adult who has had plenty of time to learn, isn’t showing much remorse tbh and isn’t straight away offering to pay for it all.

Omg you are being absolutely unreasonable even asking!!!! Not only should she pay for ALL the damage and cleaning but I’d kick her backside out to the garden shed for a month too!! By the sounds of it she’d still have it fairly good with a garden tv and hot tub!!

Tbh that’s if this is even real 🤣

This

When I was 17, I had a boyfriend who had his bedroom in his parent’s garden shed because he’d had a party when his parents were away, pretty much the same scenario.

I’m just trying to work out which celeb and nepo-brat combo the op and DD might be IRL