Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

[MyFairGreenTurtle]

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

YANBU. At 26 she should know better. It's the behaviour of a teenager.

Well,that's going to cost your daughter a pretty penny to put right!

Definitely not unreasonable. Those are the least you should be doing.

26 and acting like a 14 year old. Embarrassing.

That damage isn’t just a broken vase or a dropped plate, it sounds like she’s caused potentially thousands worth of damage.

Oh my. She absolutely needs to pay for all the damage.

Is there a mitigating reason that she still lives with you at 26? Otherwise she could do with finding her own place in the New Year.

Why would you be unreasonable telling her to pay for all the damage?

God. I’d be livid. She’s 26!

She should pay for all the damage.

She will be paying for the damage right?

OP, does she work?

If my 18 yo did that I'd make him pay it back.

I hope she’s spent the day cleaning and will do the same tomorrow and also organising and paying for all repairs. At 26, I think I’d be telling her it’s now time to move out.

I’d be livid too. She’s an adult and needs to take responsibility. And that means paying for the damage, help to clean up (why is there still sick in places - surely she would have at least cleaned it up). Not sure if you can claim on your house insurance but worth checking. Even if you can your daughter needs to pay towards/all costs.

Im sorry this has happened. I’d be so disappointed with my daughter.

That’s horrendous OP, I’m sorry she’s let you down so badly and your house is so damaged. She definitely needs to be paying for all of it. And never again!

She will pay to mend and put right all the damage. Then sling her out.

FFS, I’d be raging. She’s 26, not 14! She should absolutely be paying for all the damage.

What is wrong with you? Why are you even asking if she must pay. That’s the problem right there. She let this happen because she has no respect for you, because you sit asking if you are unreasonable!

I have 17 and 19 yos and I wouldn't expect that level of damage from them and their friends, plus they would be expected to pay for it!

Of course YANBU, has she not offered to pay for it yet?

Yanbu. Shes 26 behaving like a 16 year old! I would make her pay for the damages and I would be asking her to move out afterwards.

Yanbu at all

At 26 she is old enough to behave like a responsible adult...Id expect less damage from a teenage party!

So disrespectful of her and Id be making her clean as best as she can and if thats not good enough then have her pay for a professional clean along with replacing what was broke.

Wow.
My DD had a house party for her 18th last week.

One boy was sick multiple times but made it to the toilet each time. One of the friends stayed awake to keep an eye on him.

My DD and some of her friends tidied up before they went to bed.

No damage and every single teen thanked me and my DH on the way out.

She definitely needs to be sorting this mess out.

She needs to start getting cleaners and repair specialists in to see what can be mended, speak to her “friends” to see if she can get financial input from them, if not it is on her.

Then once you know what damage if left see if your house insurance will cover any of it, she pays the excesses.

I would hope you won’t have to ban her from having friends over again as she should be too embarrassed to even ask, but she is well in to adulthood now and old enough to sort this mess out.

I'm so angry reading this, you have done nothing wrong OP, nothing at all

I'd phone the police

She works yes, but she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

Yeeeesh man my mam left me home alone when I was 16 and I did less damage than this. At 26 she'd be out on her ear if she was mine.

26!!!!!?!???

'letting DD have a party''

I thought you were gonna talk about a five year old or something