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AIBU?

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Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:
ConstitutionHill · 13/12/2025 22:21

Ooh the little cow bag! And too "tired" to even attempt clearing up.

Daftypants · 13/12/2025 22:21

I would be apoplectic with rage 😤
She needs to start NOW with some of the cleaning up , getting rid of rubbish .
You need to take photos of all the damage done and she needs to make amends by organising and paying for in full all the repairs and replacements .
She needs to buy you new sets of bedlinen , new sofa ( or was it the cushions ? ) and so on .
She then needs to find her own place to live .
FWIW my oldest was home alone for a few days aged about 19 ( neighbours knew as did a close friend ) and had different friends over to stay .
When we got home the contents of the larder and fridge freezer were diminished, quite a bit of wine and beer was gone and the kitchen was a little bit sticky like when someone has used far too much cleaning spray .
And she isn’t little Miss Perfect , they enjoyed themselves

Nosleepforthismum · 13/12/2025 22:22

Fucking hell, I would hit the roof. First thing is that her key is taken off her. She has to request permission to come in and out your home and if she want to go out partying she can stay at one of her many mates houses. She has lost any privilege to have a single friend or boyfriend to come over to visit or stay. She doesn’t like the new rules, she can move out. I’d have never dreamed of being so outrageously disrespectful of my mum’s house. I’d also make her take out a personal loan to pay for the damage, otherwise she’ll throw you £100 and claim she can’t afford it for the rest. Time for her to grow up.

spongebunnyfatpants · 13/12/2025 22:22

She needs to pay for anything that needs repairing or replacing.

Don't give her anything for Christmas or her birthdays until its all been paid for and anything you've already bought her, return it for a refund.

If it was me, I'd be taking photographs of everything that's damaged and broken and getting a list of people who were there and reporting it all to the police.

She's massively taking the piss, she's disrespectful and immature and she needs to take responsibility and grow up.

Have you checked that nothing has been stolen?

heartsinvisiblefury · 13/12/2025 22:22

She has no respect for you or her home

flatfootedfred · 13/12/2025 22:23

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:14

I think today has made me realise that whenever she has friends round they seem to treat the house like a hotel. Empty glasses left everywhere, takeaway boxes abandoned, no clean up done at all. What bothers me is her attitude as when I tell her to get on it as the house won't magically clean itself she says "we were all tired the next day".

This isn't the first time we've had to clean up after her and her friends, it's just never been on this scale before

Show quote history

she should absolutely mortified, incredibly apologetic and actively putting right what she can.

What happened on the night is one thing, the fact she’s not doing everything she can to make amends is another, there is no excuse.

Twenty-six FFS!

RosesAndHellebores · 13/12/2025 22:23

My dd's 27. I know all her friends. She's had a couple of parties. Odd spilt drink. No issues.

@MyFairGreenTurtle I would urge you to consider drug use.

stichguru · 13/12/2025 22:24

Yes she should pay you back for everything in full, and then move out. If she hasn't done so in the next week, small claims court.. This is the behaviour of a wayward 14 year old, not a 26 year old.

Original poster
MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Lotsofsnacks · 13/12/2025 22:21

This! I would be absolutely fuming!! She’s a grown adult not 16!! Why did u say yes, after you have said you always have to clean up after when her friends come over?!

Show quote history

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

OP posts:
AwfullyGood · 13/12/2025 22:24

She's 26 ffs.

She fixes and pays for everything within a week or she finds herself homeless on January 1st.

She needs to grow up and fast.

cheddercherry · 13/12/2025 22:24

Sorry, she’s 26?! I can’t decide who’s more at fault here, her or the fact she’s still being enabled to act like a stupid, irresponsible child at this age. So she’s not even bothered the next day to try and rectify it? I’d be so utterly ashamed of her.

CantBreathe90 · 13/12/2025 22:24

How embarrassing for her 😬 Get her to move out - better for you all, on so many levels!

Tweedled · 13/12/2025 22:25

Your lovely house and belongings totally ruined by your immature 26 year old.
I would be absolutely raging.
It sounds like you have been far too soft with her up to this point.
I would tell her she has to pay for all of the damage and her friends are not allowed round any more.
She’s a bloody disgrace.
So utterly disrespectful of you and your home.

Changename12 · 13/12/2025 22:26

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:16

we like to do Movies Under The Stars

Show quote history

unless you have headphones that is really antisocial

Parker231 · 13/12/2025 22:26

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:14

I think today has made me realise that whenever she has friends round they seem to treat the house like a hotel. Empty glasses left everywhere, takeaway boxes abandoned, no clean up done at all. What bothers me is her attitude as when I tell her to get on it as the house won't magically clean itself she says "we were all tired the next day".

This isn't the first time we've had to clean up after her and her friends, it's just never been on this scale before

Show quote history

You seem very relaxed about it - has she now cleaned up, shopped for replacement items and organised payment for irreparable damage?

Notmyreality · 13/12/2025 22:27

CantBreathe90 · 13/12/2025 22:24

How embarrassing for her 😬 Get her to move out - better for you all, on so many levels!

Don’t think she’s particularly embarrassed. That’s the problem.

NooNooHead · 13/12/2025 22:27

My late DB had one years ago in my parents' previous house. He assured them it would be ok, but of course being a teenager, of course it bloody wasn't.

His lovely arseholes of friends chucked eggs at the front of the house, did some other damage inside then went to the neighbour round the corner, which was the house of another friend, and his friends all carried on the shitty behaviour there. Drugs and drink all involved, I am sure.

Yes, as PP say, find your anger. Be sodding ranting with rage, get her paying for every penny in damages. Tell her to buck up her ideas, behave her age, act more maturely.

Absolutely agree with getting her to move out too. She can destroy and clear up her own house.

blankcanvas3 · 13/12/2025 22:27

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

Show quote history

God so it’s not even the first time. I would have her packing her bags tonight

Parker231 · 13/12/2025 22:27

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

Show quote history

Why is she still living at home?

Catwoman8 · 13/12/2025 22:27

Your daughter is so disrespectful, she hasnt even attempted to clean up and make right the things she can. Leaving it all for you to do because she is tired is unacceptable, but it sounds like you have allowed her to treat your home like this. Boundaries need to be set and consequences.

Kellph83 · 13/12/2025 22:27

YANBU she would be paying for all repairs and I’d seriously think about kicking her out. At 26 that behaviour is terrible. Let her do it in her own house! I hope you’re making her pay OP

ThisLittlePony · 13/12/2025 22:28

Tweedled · 13/12/2025 22:25

Your lovely house and belongings totally ruined by your immature 26 year old.
I would be absolutely raging.
It sounds like you have been far too soft with her up to this point.
I would tell her she has to pay for all of the damage and her friends are not allowed round any more.
She’s a bloody disgrace.
So utterly disrespectful of you and your home.

This. What job does she do? Is it full time?

CheerfulYank · 13/12/2025 22:28

Oh I’d be LIVID. I’m livid now and I’m not you! Absolutely go stay in a hotel and have her clean up and then begin working out how she’s going to fix it and pay for it.

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/12/2025 22:29

It's really too little too late but if you have cleaned up for her and her friends before no wonder she treats you so disrespectfully. You can carry on treating her like an incapable child or harness your anger and insist she puts all this right. She can clean or pay for cleaners. She can investigate whether your insurance will cover anything (though why should they), she can organise repairs or buy replacements. Stay angry and stop covering for her.

Okiedokie123 · 13/12/2025 22:29

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:16

we like to do Movies Under The Stars

Show quote history

Ugh, My neighbours also think “movies under the stars” is a marvellous idea. They keep me awake until dawn on a regular basis in the summer.
I surmise that you are therefore probably just as self as your daughter (unless you have a massive garden?)