Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 33 34

Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:

TreesinthePark · 13/12/2025 22:30

At 26 I would ask her to move out. She can find a houseshare with other wild yobs

Lotsofsnacks · 13/12/2025 22:30

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

Show quote history

Why does her social life have to be at your house?! At 26 she can go to her friends houses, who have their own place?? Or go to the pub etc

after the incident with the lawn just mentioned, that group would not be invited back. If I ever stayed at a mates parents house, when younger, would never dream of behaving like that. Please stop enabling and give consequences. She’s 30 in 4 years, time to respect her parents home and grow up

therearesigns · 13/12/2025 22:30

She needs to clean it up (no excuse if she says she's tired, too bad) and pay for all the damage. Then make plans to work towards moving out. And no friends over again, ever.

BMW6 · 13/12/2025 22:30

You've been indulging her all these years OP.

She will wreck other people's homes and things because she is thoughtless, utterly self-absorbed and monumentally spoilt. You and her Father have helped create this Madam.

Time to do the right thing as Parents don't you think?

categorychaos · 13/12/2025 22:31

Sorry OP but I’m embarrassed for you - at this age she should/will know better. Time to come down on her like a tonne of bricks. There’s something in your posts that makes me sense you think this is acceptable or high spirited- it’s not. She’s taking the piss and you’re enabling it.

BeardieWeirdie · 13/12/2025 22:31

She needs to get on to her online banking immediately and get a loan to repay you in full for all the damages, and as soon as the money was in my hand, she’d be packing her bags for a grubby house-share where she can party to her heart’s content. If she had any decency, she’d be mortified. Time to stop enabling the brat now, OP.

fetchacloth · 13/12/2025 22:31

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:52

She works yes, but she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

Show quote history

Then it's mighty time she grew up and learned to take some responsibility.
This is shocking behaviour .

spiderlight · 13/12/2025 22:31

That's disgraceful behaviour. She needs to ensure that it's all put right and paid for, whether out of her own pocket or from her friends (although they don't sound as if they'll be the type to take responsibility). I'm genuinely so cross for you!

Original poster

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:32

ThisLittlePony · 13/12/2025 22:28

This. What job does she do? Is it full time?

Show quote history

She works as an independent consultant, flexible hours and she's her own boss. That's what she's told me anyway but she works from home full time

OP posts:

CautiousLurker2 · 13/12/2025 22:32

Murfmeister · 13/12/2025 22:16

Why are you being so passive about this?

I understand you must be devastated at the state of your home, but for goodness sake woman, find some bloody rage!!!

That would be my question too. I’d be cataloguing the damage and serving both an eviction notice and legal notice that she has to repay me every penny for what she has done or I will be informing the police and pressing charges for criminal damage.

Time to get tough.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 13/12/2025 22:32

TokyoSushi · 13/12/2025 21:45

Oh my. She absolutely needs to pay for all the damage.

Is there a mitigating reason that she still lives with you at 26? Otherwise she could do with finding her own place in the New Year.

Perhaps the ridiculous cost of buying a house nowadays. The woman has been unreasonable AF but her living at home doesn’t have to be due to mitigating circumstances

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 22:32

Awwwww, OP. This is so sad for you.

She needs a short, sharp shock (in the form of cleaning up the mess and paying for the damage).

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/12/2025 22:33

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:14

I think today has made me realise that whenever she has friends round they seem to treat the house like a hotel. Empty glasses left everywhere, takeaway boxes abandoned, no clean up done at all. What bothers me is her attitude as when I tell her to get on it as the house won't magically clean itself she says "we were all tired the next day".

This isn't the first time we've had to clean up after her and her friends, it's just never been on this scale before

Show quote history

Have you taught her that is the right way to treat a hotel?

KaleidoscopeSmile · 13/12/2025 22:33

"Movies under the stars"?

I've just changed my vote

Fauchon · 13/12/2025 22:33

26 and takes very little responsibility for herself!!!!! This is not normal at all. I have DC significantly younger and they would never disrespect me or our house like that. What have you created?

therearesigns · 13/12/2025 22:33

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:32

She works as an independent consultant, flexible hours and she's her own boss. That's what she's told me anyway but she works from home full time

Show quote history

And does she earn a normal kind of living? What's her income? If she's at home because she's not earning enough through this independent lark, she may have to get a real job to service the loan she'll need to pay you back.

BMW6 · 13/12/2025 22:33

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:32

She works as an independent consultant, flexible hours and she's her own boss. That's what she's told me anyway but she works from home full time

Show quote history

Consultant for what? How to be a useless human being?

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 22:34

Wow she's 26?!?
That's really embarrassing for you as a parent that she has behaved this way.
Yes she should 100% pay for the damages.
At 26 I worked full time and had my own apartment.
Id probably make her clean up then ask her to stay with a friend for a few nights. She doesn't respect you or your home and shouldn't get the luxury of continuing to live there. I can't imagine even as a teenager allowing anyone to disrespect my parents home the way she has

NooNooHead · 13/12/2025 22:34

Daftypants · 13/12/2025 22:21

I would be apoplectic with rage 😤
She needs to start NOW with some of the cleaning up , getting rid of rubbish .
You need to take photos of all the damage done and she needs to make amends by organising and paying for in full all the repairs and replacements .
She needs to buy you new sets of bedlinen , new sofa ( or was it the cushions ? ) and so on .
She then needs to find her own place to live .
FWIW my oldest was home alone for a few days aged about 19 ( neighbours knew as did a close friend ) and had different friends over to stay .
When we got home the contents of the larder and fridge freezer were diminished, quite a bit of wine and beer was gone and the kitchen was a little bit sticky like when someone has used far too much cleaning spray .
And she isn’t little Miss Perfect , they enjoyed themselves

Edited

Apoplectic... such a brilliant, underused word! And so appropriate for this situation! 😅🙃

A 26 year old destroying a lovely home is just the pits. She needs a bloody hard lesson in the consequences of her actions, and that includes moving out, paying for all the repairs, and being an actual adult.

Brendahollowayjustlookwhatyouhavedone · 13/12/2025 22:36

BMW6 · 13/12/2025 22:33

Consultant for what? How to be a useless human being?

Show quote history

Could the job be a non job iykwim?
Sounds rather vague .

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 13/12/2025 22:36

Sounds to me like it’s time she starts looking for somewhere of her own to rent .

user1473878824 · 13/12/2025 22:36

TWENTY SIX!!!!!!! Sorry this is insane. I could understand it getting out of control if she was 16, but 26… She’s going to be paying this off for a long time. I’d be absolutely disgusted and devastated if I were you OP which I know isn’t helpful, sorry. An extraordinary, vile thing to do to your home when she’s far, far old enough to know better.

Sassylovesbooks · 13/12/2025 22:36

I saw your update OP, saying that your daughter has behaved in a similar manner several times before, although not on this scale. Your daughter should be utterly ashamed of herself. She has no respect for you as her parent or the home that she lives in. At 26, she is beyond immature, and irresponsible. She's coming across as a spoilt little madam, who needs a damn good kick up the metaphoric arse. You need to lay the law down, she pays for all the damage, every...single...penny. No friends over until the damage is paid for, and only when you're home. In all honesty she needs to move out, once the damage has been paid for. Make her stand on her own two feet.

Parker231 · 13/12/2025 22:36

From the OP’s responses it doesn’t sound like she is making her DD clean up or organise putting things right.

TrickyD · 13/12/2025 22:37

If she did not know all her ‘guests’, it might be worth reporting it to the police as it could count as criminal damage.
This might make it easier to claim on insurance.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 33 34